Easton is a very small city in the Eastern Shore part of Maryland. I have a LOT of family there. So much that we (my cousins and I) have to compare family trees whenever we consider going out with somebody. Dead up- I've heard stories. I guess that's why my 17 yr old cousin only dates white girls but even that is suspect since my great-uncle is mixed.
Thanksgiving dinner was at my fave aunt's house- Aunt Toni. It was full of the Good, Bad, and Ugly.
THE GOOD:
Micheal's Sweet Potato Pie.
Aunt Toni's Mac N Chees and Stuffing.
My Mom's Deviled Eggs.
Me Making Amaretto Sours.
Everybody Pairing Up to Play Spades. (Me & Mom, Sherman & Lamont, Tony & DJ, Toni & Marcus)
THE BAD:
My Mom's Stupid Ass, Lazy Ass, Lame Ass New Husband (feelin the love, hunh?) Lamont
Ran Out Of Cocktail Mix- Had to Get Down and Mess With the Crown (The Official Liquor of Easton) *and i needed the liquor after dealing with lamont's dumb ass all damn day*
Lamont and the "Fake Wine" After my mom offers him a glass of wine, he asks if it's "real wine" The table got kind of quiet and Aunt Toni yells out- "What the fuck is fake wine?" and everybody starts to co-sign, saying "I was thinking the same thing!"
THE UGLY:
Miss Maggie. She was ugly with her attitude AND her tiger print outfit (but I'm sure she thought she looked GRRReat! lol)
Uncle Sherman's Intestines. I was lookin around for Eddie Murphy cuz at one time it felt like I was an extra on The Nutty Professor. And his farts are like- clear the room/nigga WHAT DID YOU EAT kind of farts!
DJ Goin In HARD on Lamont After His 5 Min Rant on Playing Spades. That was funny as SHIT! It all started cuz Tony and DJ were accusing me and my mom of sandbagging (excuse me if my spade game fell off. I haven't played since the last time I was over here- 2 years ago) Then Lamont, with his mentally handicapped ass, starts talkin bout- hell, what WAS he saying? Anyway, DJ (who is my cousin Tony's brother on his dad's side) drunk off that wine, just stops and says "What the fuck are you talking about? Nigga is just running off at the mouth for no reason dawg. Seriously whatthefuck..." and he proceeds to go in on him. Tony and Toni are just laughing and I'm trying to be Lil Miss Manners by holding it in, but fail when DJ just continues to get in that azzzzz.
Me Goin In On Lamont. Yeah- you read right. I went in for a quick minute. After me and my mom's defeat, Tony and DJ are playing with Lamont and Sherman. I forget what bought on the subject, but Tony and DJ are messing with Lamont about what his plans were with my mom when they leave for the night. Then he just talks out the side of his neck by responding, "Oh I don't have to wait until we get home, we can go out to the car and..." I'M SORRY The SistaGurl power came out in full force! "Excuse YOU but that is my MOTHER you're talking about! How about showing some respect for your WIFE" The table got kinda quiet until Sherman damn near broke his knuckles slamming down the big joker. Was Lamont tryin to show off in front of everybody? Tony & DJ are 22, Lamont is 29, I'm 23, and Sherman is married, if he was really bout his- he wouldn't have felt a need to respond to some childish jokes. Was I wrong? He was wrong!
That pretty much sums up the dinner. You know, typing this up and reliving the memories, makes me more mad at my mom. Her choices in men has always sucked ass and this one- he's shaping up to be a real prize! We're gonna have to have that talk- daughter to mother- and I'm doing it today, because this madness has to stop. I've been really supportive to her and very respectful, but now I'm just sick of biting my damn tongue all the time. I've always had a love/hate relationship with my mom, and now....man, I don't know. She's my mom and I'll always love her. Whateva. I'll tell y'all how it goes later.
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