On My Ghetto Dr. Phil Sh*t!

You know what? This industry got us women all twisted. Through images on screens and paper- they're basically saying that you're only pretty if you're fair skinned with long hair and a lean frame. God made us all different- like it was quoted on one my fave scenes in my fave movie "Norbit" Oh you don't know what part I'm talking about? Lucky for you- I can quote it word from word:

Kate: Well, I believe that God made us all different

Rasputia: Unh-unh, I am a Christian, and I'm not finna sit here and let you blame it on God. He didn't push that plate away- YOU DID!

LMAO! I can't help it- that was a funny movie! Anywho, what bought this on is my coworker Carmen. She has low self esteem issues because she used to weigh 98 pounds and now- well let's just say she's not 98 pounds anymore. And she says she doesn't let her boyfriend see her naked. What? And they've been together for HOW LONG? Like at least 2 years I believe. And you mean to tell me that she doesn't let him preview the goods? Get outta here. It's true!

Of course I tried to talk some sense into her. If her boyfriend has been together for this long than obviously he loves her for everything she is. That includes love handles and all. Guys don't like an insecure woman, and if they do- then those guys are the kind you need to run away from. I try telling her all this but she isn't listening. She's so ashamed of her body that she admits that they don't have sex often. I just shook my head and told her that what she's doing is a big no-no.

 Times are hard for a girl. Whatever YOU won't do- another bitch will. So basically you're sending your boyfriend into the jungle with a pack of hamburger meat strapped on his back everytime y'all don't have sex. I'm not saying that sex is important- but it is a way that couples communicate and communication is key in a relationship. If you're nervous about getting naked in front of your man, why not try wearing a nice see-through lace nightie? Hell, I got one at Ross for like 9 bucks. Take a nice bubble bath, shave, massage some good smelling lotion into your skin,slip on the lace nightie, and see if you don't feel sexy. You'll feel sexy and he'll pick up on those vibes you're giving out, guaranteeing y'all a good time.

I told it to her just like that and I think she might try it. It's hard to say for certain though. Why am I always giving girls this kind of advice? A couple of weeks ago I was talking some shit with Shay, Trina, and another coworker Netta. She's the same coworker who dissed Shay for a booty call. We were talking about sex. How Trina is married and practically running away from her husband so he won't climb all over her. And how I was needing just one good night with someone and Shay high-fived that one. We were talking about going to the adult toy superstore for some goodies and Netta had the nerve to wrinkle up her face. Say what? She wrinkled her face! And looked at us like we were crazy! I had to say something.

Why you lookin like that? Ain't nothin wrong with getting a couple of stuff to spice things up.

She just shook her head.This chick has been with her significant other for, I think, 6 years. Don't things get boring? By the time 6 years roll around- haven't you seen the bottom of the bag of tricks and washed it out twice? C'mon now, let's keep it real, because that face she made may be one of the reasons why she cheats on her hubby on the REGULAR. Ladies can't leave it up to the guys all the time. We gotta show up and show out to prove our point. Now here she is cheatin on her booski when all it would take is a couple of trips to the toy store, and a very creative imagination, to make her feel like it's the first time again...and again and again and again! lol.  Oh Trina, Shay and I were telling her about different toys she should try out and how helpful the people are who run the store. The whole time she's shaking her head in disbelief. That's ok though, we're draggin her ass to the store. Is it time to make a shopping list?

TOYS TO SPICE THINGS UP:

• FUZZY HANDCUFFS- Soft so it won't irritate the wrists and/or ankles
• WHIPS- There's the kind with the multiple strands (for the couples really into S&M) or the kind with a small piece of leather at the end (a riding crop for the playful couple) I'm heavy handed so I'll get the riding crop
• EDIBLE CREAMS/JELLIES/PAINTS- You can play tongue hopscotch on your partner's body! How fun
• THINGS TO INCREASE SENSITIVITY AND PLEASURE- We're talking about condoms with ridges, bumps, and grooves. Creams that make you cream. Toys you can slide on the "love stick" or a finger and it can take you to paradise. Hey- my teachers always told me that I played well with others! lol

Loves and Likes Ya!