I Have A Date?

I KNOOOOOW!!! Stop rolling your eyes. It just came as a surprise. It happened Thursday night. I was going to get some drinks since I got off of work early. What was supposed to be me, Carmen, Shara, David, and Kevin turned out to be just me and David. Kinda. Awkward. We started off at Wild Wing where I ran into Mr. Married Man and Mr. Last Thursday Night (YIKES) We stayed out there for maybe 30 minutes before we went to this hole in the wall pool hall with really good, really strong drinks. There were some curious glances in our direction, as I imagined they probably thought he paid for my company for the night, lol. Just kidding. Kinda. I had on a black v-neck t-shirt with a sequined rock n roll design, jeans, and black wedge heels. I managed to stuff my hair into a black newsboy cap and topped the look off with big silver hoops and a silver necklace. I don't THINK I looked like paid company *shrugs shoulders* but since he is an older white man who actually looks like an older white man not like- Paul Wall or something- we did look an odd couple. We still had some fun though. He let me get away with some cheating moves on the pool table, and applauded me with gusto when I did karaoke to "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood (damn I love a song where a girl gets revenge on a cheating asshole boyfriend) I was dropping him off and parked right beside this monster of a truck. Come to find out- it belongs to him! Oh I LOVE a big ol' diesel looking pickup truck. I just want to get behind the wheel and run people off of the road with it or something. I expressed my feelings about his truck and he says- wait for it- "Well, maybe I can take you for a ride in it. We'll go to dinner."

GASP!

Was that a dinner invitation? I mean, I know it's a dinner invitation- but is it a date DATE? Because I really don't know what to wear. There's only one thing I know for sure, I'm leaving the F*ck Me Pumps at home.

Loves and Likes Ya!

***UPDATE***
I just found out he wants to take me to this Cajun place that's like 20 minutes from our side of town. I'm adding up the minutes and...that's a whole bunch of conversation I'm gonna have to make from out my ass. DAMN.

Change Please

Mr: I am fairly obstinate. I am a taurus.
Me: Wait! Can I have some change for that $15 word?

You're Single?

Love Shay. Love Shara. Their situations are a little different, yet so similar.

Shay=> Been with baby's father, Kenta, on and off for 5 years. Baby's father is a great provider but fidelity isn't high on his list of priorities. She calls herself gaining some independence by getting her own place yet she drops everything she is doing to be at his beck and call. She does things to get his approval.
Shara=> Been with high school sweetheart, Seth, on and off for 7 years. He's a great guy, being there for her mentally and physically while she went through chemotherapy and radiation. He broke things off not because he wants to fool around, he is one of the faithful few, but because he feels he doesn't deserve her, and is trying to do something better with his life to earn her. She doesn't want to be there for him all the time, but she is. She doesn't want to care about what he may or may not like, but she does.

They both call themselves single. Physically they may be, but mentally? No, not at all. Shay's been talking to this guy from out of town. He asked to spend the night with her at her place. I expected her to say no because she has a son who is young and impressionable. She said no because "What would Kenta think, finding out I had some guy sleeping over?" Umm. He would think you have a f*ckin life for once?! He wasn't concerned about her feelings while he's impregnating all these other girls, so why is she concerned about his thoughts and feelings? Shara, hooking up with T and while with T, picks up Seth's phone calls, lies to him and pisses off T, because otherwise he will keep calling and it will get aggravating? It's called an IGNORE button, and they put that option there for a reason! Hell, it's called PUSHING THE POWER BUTTON.
See, THAT'S the kind of thing I'm talking about. How are you going to say you are single to the guys who approach you, but your actions say that you are in a relationship? I guess that's why I am single in every sense of the word, because I don't believe in that double talk nonsense.
It's funny because Shay and Shara get upset when other guys don't act the way they want him to. They say, "He knew what the deal was when we first go together." Naw dawg, YOU knew what the deal was. They thought the deal was- you are single so you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. Just saying.

Loves and Likes Ya=> but keep it real, you ain't single if you checkin to make sure he ain't at the same club you're at.

"Na Na Na- Come on na Annie Mae"

Shara: I don't know why I even try to lie. He saw right through my shit. Now he's catchin an attitude
Me: Uh-oh. He tryna Ike you? Na na na come on na Annie Mae, you ain't sangin it right na."
Shara: You ain't right at all girl
Me: They call it Nutbush!
(break into hysterical laughter)

Maybe White Ain't Alright?

Anybody who is close to me knows that I always say that my next boyfriend is going to be white. They think I'm playing. I'm like 87.62% sure that my next boyfriend isn't going to black. It is what it is. This being said, I have been having fun with all these vanilla pudding pops at my job. (Looking back at that last statement- maybe my sister was right about my analogies, lol) It's been hard balancing them though. Paul, David, Sam, Neal -and those names sound so white bread- all want some time with me and I'm feeling like my hands are full. I know that none of the guys I just listed can even be considered as boyfriend material. Paul is a divorced single father of 2 sons and stays in NY. David is going through a divorce with his wife, has a daughter, and lives in Michigan. Sam is the only one who is close to my age and he stays like an hour and some change away, but... I dunno. I don't trust his dimples. Neal is fresh from divorce after finding out his wife cheated on him. He's close to my age too and is a major cutie. But still, the problem I'm having is this: How can I tell if they're really interested in me, or if they're just trying to curb their craving for chocolate?

I know that I didn't tell you guys about this but sometime before that whole Top Flight Security fiasco, there was this white guest from Detroit. He was only 20 and looked cute wearing a white wife-beater, basketball shorts, and Jordan flip flops. I was on the couch watching some movie and he sat down right beside me. We talked and chilled for a while and he started getting fresh- in a good way. Things happened (I don't have to spell it out for you do I?) we didn't exchange numbers, can't even remember his name, but I couldn't help but feel like I was some kind of...what's the word? Not object, but...like I was an experiment or something? First time I ever felt like that after sex, so it caught me off guard. I wondered if I would've had those same feelings if it was a black guy.

That experience has affected me for sure, resulting in me giving the side eye to any white guy moving too fast without my consent. Damn shame. So Sam is talking to me and we're talking about music. AGAIN- I love all kinds of music and it shows in my iPod. He kept calling me Macy Gray because of how my hair was. I told him I get compared to Jill Scott most of the time and he had no idea who I was talking about. Then he says he doesn't like Kanye West because he doesn't make his own music. WHA?!?! I admit that I'm not that big of a fan of his 808's and Heartbreak album but his earlier albums are CLASSIC. (Moment of Silence for respect of albums)  How do I tell this white boy about the art of sampling and how people have been copying each other songs for centuries? I tried y'all. Out of the respect of my genealogy, I HAD to. I just saw my Dad and Sauce as floating heads over my shoulder looking in on this situation. That's when he said opposites attract or something like that. True. But I couldn't help but think about what other things we can disagree on, which can be many thanks to our different backgrounds. And what about other guys from different races? Wouldn't I be going through the same thing with them? Then I'll feel like Sanaa Lathan's character in the movie Something New. It's a lot to think about. For sure.

Loves and Likes Ya

Going Natural

And I don't mean that kind of natural- get your mind out of the gutter! (Although it's likely I just put it there, lol) I've been toying with the idea of going natural for a while now. I think it's this damn heat we've been having, sweatin a sista gurl's perm out.

For those who are unaware, "going natural" is a term used for women who stop relying on relaxers (perms) to get their hair straight. The whole thing seems to be a bit taboo for some reason, but starting to get more recognition thanks to Chris Rock's film "Good Hair"  A good bit of people in my life are already natural. Trina has dreads. Anjail sports a funky fro mohawk. Shara never had a perm in her life and lives off of pressing combs. Ms. Crazy (my stepmother) rocks the teeny weeny fro. Even my dad wears the Steve Hightower (you know, Steve Harvey's character?) But when I told my mom, her response was...

"Well it's a good thing we have mixed ancestry in our family. (insert laugh) You can rock it and still look cute."

Sheer ignorance with that first comment. I look like every other black girl out here. So what if we have White and Irish and Indian in our family? EVERYBODY'S family has something mixed up in there. Boy I tell ya. I can compare her sense of family pride with the sense of pride Hitler had for his nation. Born a Potter, Die a Potter. SMH. Her comment coupled with Shay's son's comment:

"Why do you wear your hair like that?"
"What? You don't like it?"
Shakes head no. "You should wear it like that-" Points to his mom's relaxed hair.

It's enough to give a girl a complex! It's a shame how much pressure is put on women and this invisible standard of beauty. And it's even worse that some women judge each other on this invisible standard. I'm not trying to break down barriers or anything like that, I'm just trying to keep it real and simple for me. NahMean?

Loves and Likes Ya=>No matter how your hair may look.

And Now...The Undramatic Conclusion

There's a good chance that the hacker isn't D. How can I have anti-virus software that don't do shit? I don't understand!! The message popped up that I have tracking cookies but it didn't have an option to remove it. After a frustrating couple of days, I went to the PC wizard- known as my dad- and told him to get rid of this black magic on my computer. He says I probably got the tracking cookies from going to those crazy websites I go to. Let that be read as: You got those cookies from going to those porn sites. WHOOPS! lmao. If that wasn't the most awkward thing for me. At least he put it in a nice way.

Loves and Likes Ya

"Actually, I Did Get The Blue Light Special...

Me: ...but they didn't give me a ticket. It was crazy too, because I wasn't even sporting cleavage.
Malachi: Man I bet you never had to pay for a ticket in your life. Just flash a cop a tig ol bittie and nigga- you straight. I can't do that shit. I can't flash shit but a smile.

I knew I needed some drinks in me because it's been a rough day. Someone has been hacking into my e-mail and then subsequently hacking into my facebook. The culprit I suspected, the ex- D, called me at work- telling me his problems like I'm Dr. Phil. Too many guests needing too much stuff. Add that to the fact that no one wants to hire me, I can't take as many classes as I want to this semester because they didn't approve me for financial aid, and I desperately need to move out my parent's place. I'm feeling a bit down. Agitated and snappy are responses that come quick. I fb chat with Sauce about the hacking and ask him to have a drink with me. He's all responsible and whatnot, stating that he has work in the morning. BLAH BLEH BLUH. I get off chat with him and my phone is singing, "I'm addicted to you..you're my addiction" MALACHI! Perfect timing or WHAT?! I need a distraction. We go to -where else?- Wild Wing and I buy the first 2 rounds. We're talking about religion, work, tattoos, and other stupid stuff. Just what I needed, pleasant company and strong drinks. :)

Loves and Likes Ya!=> and I may love you even more if buy the next round (;P)

Role Model Of The Year

So, I'm taking my cousin to the mall for back to school shopping. He's a junior, 17, and a cutie pie. We have serious talks all the time, mostly about sex because he has a lot of questions and I have a lot of honest answers. Well, I tell him to hold my wallet for me while I pump gas. I'm not thinking he's paying attention because he's on his cell with his girl. All of a sudden I hear,

"Aww shit. I know this isn't what the FUCK I think it is!?"

I turn my head and- dum dum DUM- he found the two condoms in the back pocket of my wallet. SMH. First off, let me tell you that my wallet is a leopard print sequined montrosity of a thing, so how he felt the condom is beyond me. Secondly, I was mildly embarassed, but not embarassed enough to say,

"Yea it's condoms. I hope you have one in your wallet too!"

To which he replied how he got straps on deck. The whole thing is funny as hell though. The condom was leftover from the night before- from an event I will rather not talk about, seeing as how it isn't the most righteous thing to do, even though it felt too damn good. Let a sista girl breathe for a minute....and...we're pressing play.

I'm sitting here getting admonished from this 17 year old boy because apparently it's the wrong type of condom to get since they break easily. WTF? It was the first time I ever bought condoms, and the only reason why I did buy that type was because the variety isn't there at a bootleg gas station at 2:35 am. I bought a 3 pack and didn't know what to do with the leftover condoms. He (the aggressor of the night before) couldn't use them because it would look very suspicious and I didn't know what to do- all I knew was SOMEBODY was gonna use them damn things!

After the cousin found the stash, I hid it in my glove compartment. Not in plain sight- please give me a little more credit than that- but buried in my file folder. Of course I used this situation to talk to cousin a little more about STD's and that kind of thing, but I know that it kinda threw him off seeing me with the condoms like that.

Loves and Likes Ya=> and I loves and likes my protection as well. Hope you do too!

You Like HIM?!?!

My tastes for the opposite sex has always been...what's the right word I'm looking for? Kinda quirky. The guys I tend to go after aren't quite conventionally sexy. Don't take that to mean that I go out with straight up ugg-muggs, on the contrary, the guys are cute. Just not- stab-yo-bestie-run-over-yo-sista-gotta-havea-needa-wanta-have him sexy. Lmao, I'm so crazy, smh.

So the above statement was made by Carmen when we were talking about a guest. No ,not my Paul from NY, (just know that we went out for drinks and smooched some but we still remain flirtatious, nothing serious) but a handsome deep chocolate brother with a simple Ralph Lauren style.

"Yeah. He's sexy"
"Hmmm."
"Okay, well cute?"
"Hmm. Alright."
"Well, he's fine to me. I know my tastes are different from most so..."

Something about a seriously groomed guy freaks me out a little. Probably because I'm pretty low maintenance (although some people will disagree- for the sake of the argument, we will ignore said people), a guy who is high maintenance drives me crazy. Instead weird things attract me. Strong forearms, muscular back, agile looking fingers *pause* and I wasn't really aware just how sexually oriented my list of attractions were. Damn Shame.

Anyway, I'm not obsessed with guys in name-brand fashions and ice cream paint job whips likes Shay. I'm not looking for the most gully gangsta from Brooklyn like Carmen. Pretty boys don't excite me as much as they do Shara. And yes it's nice to have smarts but I can't handle it like Anjail, if a guy is too damn smart- he'll just give me a headache after a while. Instead, it's the guys with the smart ass mouth and adventurous personality that gets my attention.

That's how I got with George- without a doubt the most facially challenged guy I ever went out with. We can go back and forth all day long and twice on Sunday and neither one of us will be bothered in the least bit. He had an extremely smart mouth, and I loved it. The cheating on me bit I could've done without.

Sauce was the most fun, between air hockey matches and arcades and just chilling with one another, it was good times all around. Definitely spontaneous. As a matter of fact, I remember this one time when I wanted to introduce him to my coworkers/friends. He was supposed to be meeting all of us at the job and afterward we were gonna go over my girl's place. Now mind you, we weren't all in our after 5 wear, but having Sauce show up in some jeans and a raggedy shirt-excuse me while I get myself together- that had a picture of a man's tight jeans with a pack of Lance crackers peeking out the back pocket with the accompanying words; "I've got Lance in my pants!" That was PRICELESS! It was too funny for me to get as righteously mad as I wanted to get. I remember I just kept shaking my head and saying stuff like- "Out of all the clothes you have in your closet, you had to pick the one that said you had LANCE in your PANTS?!?"

D was my "conventionally sexy" boyfriend. Tall, dark, and handsome with that football built. Niiice. But...it was just lacking. Just as sweet as he wanted be, but I was a little too much for him. Personality wise. He thought I was just being mean until he went with me to visit my family up north. Then he realized that I came from a long line of smart-asses and tried to accept me for who I am. Noticed I said, TRIED, we tried twice. No love. Keeping up was hard for him to do *shrugs shoulders*

That was just the boyfriends. The guys I talk to that I find attractive, more often than not get the, "Eh-well-he's kinda cute" treatment from my friends, but I don't care.

Loves and Likes ya=> and I know what I like ;p