Ice Cold

Night of Quotables

   Tonight was best described as the most hilarious and disfunctional game night I've had in a while. Carmen, David, Jamie, and I played the new edition Monopoly with the electronic banker. FUN. I'll just do some highlights:

Jamie (picking up the boomerang piece): What the f*ck is this? A big dick? F*ck it- call me Big Dick PLAYAAAA!

Carmen (pointing to a tattoo on her upper arm): This is my ex fiancee. He passed away. I farted in his mouth

David: My motto is- In my world, the girl comes 3 or 4 times before I do.
Jamie: Well my motto is- if I can't knock the bottom, I'll bang the hell out of the sides

Jamie: I got it all planned out. I'm going to be fresh out the shower with water running from my chest pubes to my ball fro and she's gonna grab me by the weiner...because she wants me

   Gosh, I know there's more but I just can't remember. I'm a bit distracted, I had some Boone's Farm and Will is calling me now. SMH. I get a text from David- trying to get me to come back over there. Then Will texts me wanting to know what I'm doing and Steve texts me asking the same damn thing. I'm blogging this shit then I'm going to bed while watching King of the Hill. SHIT. I'm good for the night. I'm not replying or answering SHIT.

Loves and Likes Ya!

I Can't Believe You Work Next Door

     After work Tuesday night, I was gonna drop by the grocery store and buy a bottle of moscato to drink while watching The Golden Girls. (don't laugh, that show is the business) The closer I got to the store though, the more pathetic the idea seemed. Then I remembered that Royal Flush shots were on special at the WW so I swung by. The bar was kinda crowded but I found a seat next to this white guy. All I saw was a head of thick black hair. He spun around and HOT DAMN- if it wasn't a guest from the hotel. I shook my head and said aloud, "Dammit! I just can't leave my work at WORK!" He gave me a flirtatious grin and said- "Well, what're the odds?" Don't worry, you guys aren't missing any back story. He was just one of many guests who I exchanged inappropriate remarks with. So we did some small talk and I found out that he's not actually at my hotel this go-round but he crashed our Sundowner anyway. Sitting beside him was the front desk clerk from the hotel beside mine. I knew he looked vaguely familiar and he confirmed my suspicions when he reminded me that I went over there a couple of weeks ago to ask for change. He's a cutie, but I guess since he's like RIDICULOUSLY clap on/clap off bright, he didn't register in my memory bank. It was a good night as we chatted and drank and drank and chatted. The whole time Will, from the hotel next door, kept saying- "You're cool as shit. I can't believe you work next door." Like there was some doubt that I'm cool? Pssshaaaaw.
     Somehow, I wound up giving him a ride home and...he wound up giving ME a ride home! LMAO. It really isn't funny. I'm such a flippin slut, it's ridiculous. But I tell ya what- that was some Grade A+++. And the funny part was as he worked his stroke game- he kept saying, "I can't believe you work next door."

Loves and Likes Ya=> especially if you work next door, lmfao!

SMH

You know what? Reading some of my past posts? LMFAO! Helps me realize just how CRAZY I am! I mean, I now understand why some most of my friends say that I have no sense. Because I don't! And moving on...

So, it's a Thursday night and I'm back at the ol' watering hole. Feeling good off a vodka/cranberry/orange juice and one malibu and coke. From across the bar a guy winks at me and motions to buy me a drink. I nod my head yes (because who in their right mind will turn down a free drink?) and he makes his way to the empty seat beside me. Sitting down, he introduces himself to me as Steve, and shakes my hand. I tell him my real name (lol) and we talk some.

Steve: So is your boyfriend a big man?
Me: Yeah. He's 7'4" and 400 lbs.
Steve:Well, it was nice talking to ya. (gets up and leave)

I admit, that threw me off guard. He's just gonna LEAVE? I don't even HAVE a boyfriend! I chuckled to myself and finished drinking my free malibu and coke. Steve catches my eye again and makes a "come hither" motion with his hands. I shake my head no just as Mr. Married Man came up to me. Me and him (MMM) walked outside for a bit so he can smoke his ciggie and we can catch up. Things weren't awkward, which was good. He asked where Carmen was and told me he saw her at the train station with her man. Then he asked how I was doing, because apparently it looks like I'm going through it?

MMM: So what's up Chelle? You lookin kinda...
Me: Well damn, and here I was thinking I looked kinda cute. I mean, I wouldn't necessarily kick myself out of the bed.
MMM (laughs then takes a drag): Nah ma, you know you're sexy as hell. I'm lookin in your eyes though. I know it ain't men problems. (I give him the- "NOW YOU KNOW" look) 99 problems but a nigga ain't one, hunh?
Me: Exactly.

MMM's phone goes off and I go back inside before any plans can be made. Steve is still at the bar and nodding his head at me. I tab out and make my way towards him.

Steve: Your boyfriend won't get jealous that I'm talking to you, will he?
Me: Yes.
Steve: Let him get jealous. I know dude ain't hittin it right anyway. How old are you?
Me: 24. How old are you?
Steve: Old enough. (let that be read as over 30 definitely)
Me: I don't have a boyfriend
Steve: You ain't got no boyfriend? (I shake my head no) Well I know you got boy toys then
Me: And what makes you think that?
Steve: Cuz I know. (He gives me a long lingering look) But after we hook up, you can't be stalking me. I got a job and shit.
Me: Is that right?
Steve: Girl don't you know? I'm a Scorpio. You know what that means?
Me: No. Please enlighten me (of course I know. Scorpi-HO)
Steve: That means I'm a FREAK. I'll lick you EVERYWHERE. Girl, I'll lick your EYEBROWS....TWICE!
(Sorry, tried to hold it, but exploded with a loud laugh that caught everyone at the bar's attention) And I love to eat pussy. These young guys out here (he has to be at least 10 yrs older than me with that statement) do it because they feel they have to. I do it because I love it. Choke me with your thighs. Smother me until I can't breathe. Let me up for air for 5 seconds then push my head back down. I love that shit.

Have I mentioned that I've been drinking?! Numbers where exchanged.

Loves and Likes Ya!

Got Caught

So I'm just chatting with Sauce on Fb. I forget how the topic came up and DAMN I wish I can save those chats. Er- scratch that- don't need any proof, lol. But there it was:

so how can i improve my eating technique?

I just answered truthfully. It wasn't until I hit the enter key that I realized... Chelle- you got caught talking shit. MAD SHIT! I am aware that Sauce knows I blog (and occasionally blog about him) because I let him read a post or 2 or 3. However, I was not aware of the frequency of which he visits the blog. I sat in that chair and shook my damn head for about 2 minutes before I said, "Ah eff it. What's done is done." But I over-exaggerated the whole thing because Sauce was ridiculously blase about the whole thing. I guess I'm too used to the guys in my life being such Drama Queens. Seriously. Guess I better slow my roll on the shit talking.

Loves and Likes Ya=> and if you believe that last statement, you're just as crazy as me!

Only One Thing On My Mind...

...and obviously it's sex. Honestly? I can count on one hand how many sex dreams I've had, so it came as a surprise when I had one last night. And with the most randomest (Yes. I am aware that "randomest" isn't a word.) person. My co-worker who's been trying to get with me for the longest. I've always just held him at bay because, well, something just isn't right about him. It's like he's one fry short of a happy meal. On top of that, he's in an on-again/off-again relationship with his pregnant baby momma. Too. Much. Drama. For me.
   The dream was very explicit and very vivid, enough for me to blush when he first came up to me the next day. It was kinda awkward, at least for me. He was still cracking his typical jokes: "Chelle. Why you wanna treat me so bad? Had me outside your window, in the rain, singing love songs in my boxers." SMDH. Why me? Lol. I guess the only answer is to find my release. Guess I'm back on the hunt for a new FB.

Loves and Likes Ya=> but that doesn't mean you get to invade my dreams.

Hotel Hookups

   In the midst of me working like a sharecropper, I looked up and realized...our hotel was CRAWLING with mancandy! I mean- whew! We're talking about my average guest being white married male aged from mid 30's to late 50's. I'm observing the place and seeing guys from mid 20's to mid 30's, looking good from all races. I had to tell the sales manager, "Girl, Chris! Thank you for giving me some mancandy to ogle at the desk. It makes work sooo much better!" That got a good laugh out of her.
   I first noticed this white guy, probably late 20's, early 30's. Nice fit body with a bald head that he kept gleaming. But y'all, I must admit I was a tad bit stumped. Because no matter how nice I was to him or how many flirty smiles I sent his way, he remained somewhat surly. I just chalked it up as a "L" and moved on to this other cute guy, Paul, from NY. Said he's Puerto Rican and Irish. That's the melting pot at it's finest. He made me a drink and after my shift, we sat outside and talked for a good 30 minutes, ending the night with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He's a cutie y'all so excuse me while I Chester Cheese for a bit.
   Moving on...I checked in this tall, lanky young black guy. He was a cutie as well (otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned him- duh!) but tall and lanky ain't my schtik so I passed. That did not stop me from hooking him up with Shara though. Tall T, my nickname for him, is in town for a month and a half for work. And guess who one of his co-workers is? Mr. Clean! You know- the bald-headed surly one. Turns out he's just really shy. Also in the mix is a young white guy who is just so cute in a shaggy kind of way. I just tell him, "You are so adorable! I'm gonna put you in my pocket." We call him The Kid or The Boy.
  Anjail and I just adopted Tall T,  Mr. Clean, and The Kid in our crew and I invited them to hang out with all of us for my birthday. Unfortunately my "boyfriend" Paul went back to NY, but he'll be back next week. And that is how I came to have one of the best birthdays in a loooong time!

Loves and Likes Ya!

Bugging Out At Bankers

   It was a rare Saturday night that I didn't have to work night audit, when Shay invited me and Shara to Bankers. Bankers is a hole in the wall pool hall that turns into something like a club with a live DJ on the weekend. So we were down with it, after all Shara needed a distraction and even though I have my hands full with Malachi and Loon, I was looking to fill up my boo basket. Shara and I get there first and we scope the place out. It was kinda empty so we just sipped and chatted until our motley crew came into the bar. Shara called dibs on this yummy piece of mancandy. Tall, nice brown skin, tall tee (again- we just can't seem to let that trend go) designer jeans, Jordans, and a medallion that looked like it came out of the Cracker Jack box. Never mind the medallion, the guy was sexy. His friends? Eh- not so much.

So Shay's here now with her twin sis Puddy and their brother Keon, and their play cousin Cabbage. Anjail calls me and tells me she's at the ATM and should be there shortly with two of her friends. We were in there hella deep and getting hella DRUNK tipsy. Anjail and I got Shara hella loose. She's in the cut with Cracker Jack Chain (find out later "they" -whoever they are- call him Prince. Excuuuuuse me.) Shay is checking her phone (and mine) every 5 minutes to see if her no good boyfriend called. (so pitiful) Cabbage, Anjail and I are doing our drink and two-step, and Puddy is freaking any and every guy (and some girls) who comes into contact with her. Keon is babysitting us because we are the loudest damn people in the place. When did I start hanging out with "those" girls? You know what I'm talking about. The loudest, most rowdiest girls in the place, that other girls look at with the screwed face?

   Shara's ex saunters in the place and Shara is pissed and shocked at the same time. Pissed because he would always tell her, "I don't go out like that" whenever she tried to get him to go somewhere with her and shocked because "he doesn't go out like that" As far as I'm concerned, it was a win win situation for her. She's always talking about him taking her for granted and blah blah blah. That's because she treats the boy like a safety net and vice versa. With him seeing her out, with the rowdiest girls in the place no less, and with Cracker Jack Chain steady buying her drinks and trying to feel up on her, shows him that she doesn't really need him like that. And actions are always better than words.

   "Should I go over there and act like I'm getting a drink?" She asks me. I gave her the most stankin ass face I could muster. Nothing worse than trying not to look desperate by ACTING desperate. I told her- "Don't go NOWHERE near that damn bar and don't do NOTHING extra to try to get him to look at you. Don't be thirsty."  She didn't listen too well though. It took all her power not to go to the bar but she did proceed to act out more than she normally would. You can lead a horse to water...

   At this point, Puddy is pissy drunk from all the drinks Cracker Jack Chain and his friends were buying us, and she's freaking on top of one of the pool tables. This girl done danced tiny holes in the seam of her tight-fitting Coogi shirt, humped one of Anjail's friends and asked for her number (I told you she was hitting on girls. Tia, Anjail's friend, told Puddy- You ain't gay sweetie, you're just really drunk! lol) , and knocked two different guy's drinks out of their hands. Cabbage is acting like homegirl's parole officer by refusing her anymore drinks or dances and bulldozing her out of the bar. We all meet up and decide to go to the Waffle House where Cracker Jack Chain and crew agreed to pay for all of our food. SUH-WEET. Too bad the Waffle House was standing room only. I decided to pack it on in and go to bed. Can't over-excite myself ya know.

Loves and Likes Ya=> but please don't spill  my drink!

You Remind Me Of My Jeep...

**After much internal debate, I'm posting this e-mail that I wrote to Terry last week. The only reason I debated posting it, was because it- well, I look REALLY bad, and kinda out of character. But then I realized the name of this blog is "Just Bein Me" cuz that's all I know. Love it or leave it. We grow and we learn. But I wouldn't take back this experience for nothing in the world. Just know- This post is DEFINITELY NSFW**

ME: Soooo, if you read my blog- you know that I go out with my girls on Wednesday night to the Wild Wing by my house. Also, if you read, you'll know that a guy, Malachi, has caught my eye. Well last Wednesday, something happened. And it MAY be just a lil too steamy to post on the blog, but I have to tell SOMEONE the deets.
I was outside trying to sneak and pour my smuggled Bacardi PeachRed when I felt hands over my eyes. Now I knew it was Malachi, because I saw him out of my peripheral before he blinded me. But I played along anyway. Oh. It's something about him that just turns me on rightaway! I think it's that whole ftw (f*ck the world) attitude he has. Kinda cocky, talks shit. So he's leaning with his back against the brick wall and he has an unlit cigarette in his hand. And he's just popping off at the mouth like he don't know who I am, So you KNOW I had to show him.
"It's quite obvious that you want attention," I tell him as I set my smuggled liquor and purse on the table. "You're up here talking shit up in my face like it's ok," Really it was a turn-on, but I started grazing my hand against the fly of his pants gently and getting closer in his face. "You want attention, so lemme give it to you." And we're kissing and my grazing has become more rhythmic and closer to the target. When I started messing with his belt, that's when he kinda grabbed my hand and told me,
"I'm not walking around here with a big ass stain, stop that shit." So I stop, and we talk about school and work, but the whole time it was like an unspoken agreement that something's gonna happen tonight.

The rest of the night, he was doing his thing and I was doing mine. He found me back outside with Carmen and Shara and these two dudes we just started talking to. Since the place is about to close, we all make plans to meet up at the Waffle House.

At the Waffle House, Shara is trying to find a new distraction and Carmen is WASTED. Luckily Shara volunteers to take Carmen home so it's me and Malachi. In my car. 3 something in the morning. We're at this abandoned building parking lot. His jeep is parked beside my car. Yes, I am being very naughty. No, I was not caring. Proven by my reaction when he tells me,

"You know what I'll like to see? Your hands on my jeep while I'm hitting it from the back." What do I do? I hope my ass out of my car! SMH. Damn Shame. But it was goooooood! It was my first time having sex in a public place. Very exciting and scary at the same time. Oh Terry, when did I become such a SLUT!?! And the worse thing? I can't wait to do it again! I mean, indoors of course, and taking our time.

TERRY: Ohhh myyy! You better be glad I have to leave out for work soon! Bad Bad LaChelle! Wait. For having fun while Terry does nothing! That sounds so so idk not like you! When did you become so uninhibited and adventuruous (I'm pretty sure I misspelled both of those words! LOL) Look at you all aggressive and "Imam show you" wow! I'm so jealous. You have to tell me more about this boy. I think if I was more like you life wouldn't be so Blah!

ME: Normally, it isn't me. But you know what I realized? I have to go out and create the life I want. It sounds so simple but it's really hard to do at times. Just because we're both cautious in nature, it's kinda hard to throw caution in the wind. Just do what turns you on and worry about the consequences later. Malachi *insert deep breath and smile here* lol. I met him back in March and we always see each other on Wild Wing Wednesdays. We do talk (he's one of the few who actually calls) and text occasionally. He's 25, has a full time job, goes to school for something dealing with computers, no woman, no kids, from New York (of course, they all are) and that's all I know for now. I'm thinking about asking him out on a date. I KNOW! This new LaChelle just takes things into her own hands because she gets tired of waiting for results.

So there you have it.

Loves and Like Ya => and hopefully you still do too!

Back On The Stroll

So after a series of texts, Sauce left me feeling some kinda way. Not like that. But it was something he said.

"Geez, I'm trying to be a good boyfriend but then you tempt me...geez"

I'm sorry, y'all didn't know he had a girlfriend? Well, honestly I just assumed he was single. Than I saw the status on his Facebook and asked him about it. I was surprised because he doesn't, and never would, strike me as the type to cheat. I dunno, maybe I was being a bit romanticized in the thought- seeing as I would hope he didn't do the same thing to me while we went out. ESPECIALLY since I wasn't giving it up to him. Nevertheless, he told me the situation was very complicated and not like that. I can careless- I just didn't want to be caught off guard in case anything happened.

But that text? (which BTW, was followed with some sex talk- gotta love a tipsy Sauce) That text implies that things just became a little less complicated. He's trying to work it out with the girl. And if he's trying to work it out- then I just need to take that as a cue to fade into the background. So no more texts from me asking "whens the next time u free". Its back to the friend zone with him and I.

That's how I found myself on the patio last Wednesday with Malachi at Wild Wing. Flirting back and forth. I dropped Carmen off and met back up with Malachi at this 24 hr gambling spot owned by some of his people. We just sat and talk, chilled a bit. Can I say that he's a real cool dude? Because he is. And if I don't watch myself- I can really like this guy. He walked me to my car- and got in. Weeeeelllll... some things happened. And every time I look at my back window, I see him writing "hell yea!" on my window. And  I smile. We didn't take it all the way there but mutual attraction will take care of that soon enough. Lose one FB and get another? I didn't even have to go on the stroll for long. Suh-WEET!

Loves and Likes Ya

Who? ME?!

So you've just been slut-puppying around hunh?

Trina asks me one morning during breakfast. I was telling her the latest drama going on with Ced, the strange absence of D, and the new piercing that made a debut to Sauce the other morning.

Stop hatin'

I respond back. You know what though? After reading through this blog, I think I HAVE become somewhat of a slut-puppy! I can't say that I'm ashamed though. I've been having a good ol' time. I think it's because after the first time D and I broke up, I didn't really do much. Yeah it was a mutual agreement that we should dissolve the relationship, but it still took me by surprise. The relationship ended with unfinished business and as a result, I never felt that it was over. I knew that D would eventually make his way back. In the meantime- I did talk to other guys. There was Jay (moment of silence, please) No. For real? Dude was hella sexy! About 6 foot something. Nice build (because I'm not a slim chick in no sense of the word, I like my guys to be able to fill out something) Light brown eyes, deep voice, and I'm not much of a car person but the whip? Black Chrysler 300 with the chrome rims and tints? Pussy whip. Straight up. There was also Jorge and James (was I stuck on "J" names or what?) None of them serious or even CLOSE to being serious. None of them got to taste the honeybun. And none of them got their Snicker bars nibbled on.

Then D came back. Then we broke up again. No loose ends this time and it felt so DIFFERENT. It just hit me like- Chelle? Girl, you're SINGLE! And every since then, it's been a wrap. I did feel a bit guilty, however, seeing as how thoughts of the naughty things I would LOVE to do to Malachi have been clouding my mind lately. A girl get a couple of phone calls from a brotha and she don't know HOW to act! lol. But never once have I honestly considered giving up my fix for the Sauce and THAT'S where the guilt kicks in. Can a girl really have her cake and eat it too?

Loves and Likes Ya=> no matter how much I may whore around!

My Wild Wing Night PT III

I WAS prepared this time! At least mentally. I'm sorry, but I refuse to bust out the ho clothes just for Wild Wing. Carmen came out with the heels and leopard leggings, black t-shirt knotted on the side, and the black wig back up in the clip. Unfortunately, she started the party early- with beer and raspberry vodka. While she's in the car, she's pouring the rest of the vodka into a small Sprite bottle. I sip on some mixed with lemonade and Sprite. We make it to Wild Wing without any distractions. As soon as we get inside- I see some guests from the hotel. DAMN. Can't show our ass tonight. We see Michelle at the bar and we all hug and whatnot. Carmen asks for a cup of ice and a cup of sprite so she can pour her vodka into it. I point out the guests sitting in the booth and Carmen being Carmen, goes to the booth and sits down and proceeds to flirt with them. About a minute later she's calling me over and saying "What drink do you want? They're gonna buy it"

I'm shaking my head because as a general rule- I do not like to socialize with guests outside of the property. And that rule was made for a good reason. Maybe one day I'll blog about the horny Nigerian who kept asking me questions like "What's your favorite sexual position?" and "Are you fucking your boyfriend tonight?" or I could blog about the guy who was old enough to be my dad and started off sending misspelled texts, upgraded to naked pics, and graduated to jerking off on the phone while repeatedly saying my name as my stepmom threatens him. I had to change the number after that. Yeah. Can't wanna do it. But I'm sliding in the booth between the two guys as I'm sipping on my margarita and all seems to be well. Or so I thought.

I'm not quite sure WHEN I realized that I was a bit effed up- buuuutt I was. And Carmen was worse. I think I realized I was tore up when I got up to go to the bathroom and I swayed a little TOO hard to the left. I realized Carmen was drunk off her ass when she unintentionally flashed the guests her boob when showing them her tattoo. And I'm not talking about a quick nip-slip either. The tit was out in full view like she didn't feel a breeze. I'm like- "CARMEN!" and the guests are getting a bit nervous. (Did I forget to mention that they were middle aged white guys? This incident was probably a bit too much for them) I saw the awkward glances passed between the 3 of them and I say, "I think you may need to go to the bathroom." And with the help of the guests, I haul her drunk ass out of the booth and we  both wobble to the restroom.

While we're in the bathroom, all I could think about was- "I'm hella fucked up and I'm the one driving. I need to get sober fast." You wanna know how messed up I was- not as bad as Carmen, but bad enough to suggest us going outside sooooo......what? I can get fresh air and be immediately sober? SMH. Dumb. As. Hell. We sit down and who comes up to us? My boyfriend from the other night- Malachi. Looking yummy, nevermind the beer goggles. He says to Carmen, "Damn- you fucked up, I hope you're not driving." and I laugh as she tells him that she rode with me. He then turns to me and say "Ain't shit funny- you fucked up too- AND you're the one driving?" "I know," I reply and think again- how am I going to get sober? We all go inside and sit at the bar with Michelle, and Marci (white chick in design school) has joined us. Carmen took to molesting a boy that looked like he got in the place with a fake id. Malachi is sitting beside me at the bar, telling me to drink water, and ordering a glass for me. Carmen is sitting on the other side of me- saying, "Oooo Chelle! He got a BIG DICK! Feel this!" I'm running off at the mouth. Details are a bit fuzzy. I know I say something about how young the boy looked. And I definitely remembered taking pictures. I remember talking to Malachi about something and for some reason we took the conversation outside. Again- details are fuzzy but I'm 99.9% sure I was saying something inappropriate to him. Liquid courage. I DEFINITELY remember feeling him up. *sighs at memory. shakes head at being such a slutpuppy* If only I could be as brave as I pretend to be sometimes. Did we kiss? I honestly don't think so. I think. I wanna say no- maybe we came close?

But we went back inside, I think because by then the water was taking its toll on me and some dude in a tall white tee -ok, so I see some people just CAN'T let that trend go!- starts flirting with me, sending me googly eyes and whatnot. I smile back. I'm a flirt. Don't be brand new, lol. I see Michelle and Marci in the bathroom.

Michelle says, "Just how much did Carmen drink?"

 I tell her, "I dunno. She started drinking before I picked her up."

Marci says, "She told me that I need to sit down because I was taking all the black guys."

Wooow. I can't remember, but I think I laughed out loud on that one.

"She's drunk off her ass. She doesn't know what she's saying" I tell her.

 Meanwhile I'm thinking- She's only telling the truth. Jeez Louise! Liquid courage gets 'em all the time. We go back to the bar to find Carmen done bulldozed her way to the karaoke stage on some poor girl's set, dancing in the background. WOW. Hilarious. Guy at the bar is still making googly eyes. I'm on my 3rd cup of water and am going to the bathroom every 5 minutes. Everytime I go, I feel a LOT better. Seems to be something to that whole water thing after all. Eh- learn something new everyday.

Wild Wing is starting to close and Michelle suggests we all go to Waffle house and have Malachi drive us. I thought I was gonna sit in the front seat- because I had devious plans- but Michelle nipped that in the bud when she hopped her ass in the front. What is it about the grease that seem to just cure whatever hangover effects you may have? Carmen is steady trying to order some porkchop dinner and the cook is steady tryna tell her that they're out of porkchops. I wind up telling him-" Look, she's drunk as hell. Don't pay attention to her- just give her a patty melt." I don't really remember WHAT we talked about at the table. I think most of the time we were laughing at Carmen's drunk ass- who was quietly tearing up that patty melt. He drops us back off at the Wild Wing and wait- do I hear him trying to get Michelle's number who's- by the way- clearly on the hunt for some dick? And excuse me if that sounded a bit catty but I knew what was up when she hopped in the seat and when she slid in beside him at the booth in the Waffle House. And here comes Carmen with the liquid courage- "You dirty. How you gonna ask for her number when you tryin to holla at my girl? Thats dirty yo." Michelle tries to laugh it off and she gets out the car. Carmen and I get out and get in my car. Malachi gets out of his car and makes his way toward me when Michelle pulls up in her car to talk about....what? A bunch of nothing. I start laughing at Carmen when she says- "What does this ho want? Besides some black dick? Greedy ass white girls." Really, it's nothing new to me. After all- most of my friends, at one point, were white. She left after 2 minutes and after rolling down the windows so Carmen can have some air circulating, I join Malachi outside. We chat about some things and I'm on my way. Got home safe and Malachi and I talk some more on the phone. I think that maybe I'm going to forgo going to the Wild Wing. Don't wanna make it old- which it's already starting to be- but it is a good start to getting Lola on out there some. I'm young and I'm single, I think I need to start acting like it!

Loves and Likes Ya!

My Wild Wing Night PT II

Around 8pm last Wednesday I get a text from Michelle.

"Hey girl. U comin 2 WW tonight?"
"Def. I'm bringin my coworker Carmen. U'll luv her. She's cool"
"K! C ya later"

I've been waiting to tear up that stage on Karaoke night. The only reason why I didn't go last time was because I had my uniform on and I didn't need EVERYONE knowing my business. Carmen's been wanting to go out with me for a while now so I figured that this would be the perfect opportunity.

First of all- I wasn't prepared for Carmen. We work together and I've given her rides before, we talk, I was aware that she's outgoing and a bit out there. But I was NOT prepared for her walking out her apartment with 4 inch gladiator-style platform heels, distressed leggings with big holes, loose t-shirt with sequined print, bright red lips and a jet black wig she had up in a hair clip. Now, I'm wearing a sheer emerald green tunic with a lacy tank top underneath, dark denim skinny jeans, and black flats. NOT PREPARED! So we get to the Wild Wing to meet up with Michelle. At least that was the game plan. Right when we got up to the place these 3 FINE (wait- do people still say fine? Don't care- they were swexy) On first look it was 3 black guys and one dude that looked white but could pass for something else. Did I tell you that Carmen is Puerto Rican and from New York? Well she is. They stoppin us (mainly Carmen cuz I look like a plain burger compared to her Whopper.) and they're like "Yo- it's lame in there. Ain't shit poppin. Y'all should come with us." I'm keepin quiet and Carmen is doing all the talking. I'm enjoying every minute of it cuz homegirl is working it. Turns out ol' buddy is Puerto Rican as well and the rest of us is subjected to yells of "BORICUA!" followed by rapid spanish. Me and one of the guys just kinda look at each other like- ohhkay. He introduces himself to me as Malachi and my knees slightly buckled because me and my sis has ALWAYS found that name sexy. And he looks the part too. Nice milk chocolate skin, fade close cut with this snazzy sideburn/ beard that he had goin on. Melon colored shirt, dark gray hooded vest with a melon/gray/light blue designed tie. Dark denim jeans- Damn I didn't check out the shoes- I'm slippin y'all! LOL. But he looks good and smells better. Greg- aka Boricua- is workin Carmen, trying to persuade her to come to the spot. We go, with Greg ridin in my backseat with Carmen and I. All I could think about was- I am NOT prepared at ALL!

The spot is called My Place and it's this hole in the wall pool hall that I've passed many times and never really paid attention to. It's all of 15 people in there and heads automatically turn when we walk in. Definite confidence booster but honestly there was only two other chicks in the spot and they were both preoccupied. I got a PeachBeach and scoped out the scene. Guys in a corner table playing dominos. 2 pool tables full of guys playing. Group of guys by the bar. Couple of guys by the jukebox. It wasn't bad. So Carmen and I chat it up with our boyfriends for the night, take a bunch of suggestive pics- more Carmen than me- and talk to some of our "boyfriends" friends. One of which was a lesbian chick nicknamed Korona. Homegirl was straight staring at my chest! Like we were all talking about how it is up north. Korona, Carmen, and Malachi being from NY, Greg from Jersey, Me born in Jersey- raised in Maryland. Korona stops mid sentence and says "You workin that green ma," and goes back to how bummy the people can be down here. Ok. I took another sip of my drink. Somehow the focus comes back to me and Korona is asking me questions, Carmen is interjecting here and there. We all wind up exchanging numbers and head back to Wild Wing since Carmen is craving a jello shot. Our boyfriends said they'll meet us there and we're on our way.

Michelle is all like- "Where the FUCK ya been? It's fuckin 1 o' clock!" So I tell her about what happened, she looks at the pics, I introduce her to Carmen, and I order a $3 margarita. We all talk and Michelle introduces us to her friend Ashley- who looks like a sloppy drunk white girl- and some other chick named Marci. Marci sits in front of me and Carmen and talks about how she just moved here from Virginia and got accepted into the Art Institute of Charlotte for design and she's having a hard time making friends since most black girls don't like her because she likes black guys. Go figures. I spot my friend Antoine and I say hi. He's not really that close of a friend. He's actually the husband of one of D's friends. I've been over their house a couple of times and I run into him in random places- Food Lion, Bi-Lo, Texaco, and now Wild Wing. He's a cutie but his wife ain't beyond smackin a chick so I say hi, do some small talk and keep it movin. He introduces us (Carmen and I) to his friend Bo, and turns and leaves before he can get into anymore trouble. At this time, our boyfriends come strolling in and attention is on them. Michelle's talking about hitting up the strip club, Onyx, since they don't close til 5am. We're all down to ride. I invite Antoine, halfway interested to see how far he's gonna go, he politely declines and continues to sip on his beer. It was all tame until Ashley decides to thrust herself upon Greg and Malachi. I saw the look in Malachi's eyes so I called him over to me, and he thanked me for the distraction by giving me a big hug and a kiss (YOWZERS!) Made me wish my morals were a tad bit looser. A couple of minutes we're joined by Greg and announces that he has to leave. He feels dirty because apparently on the way to the bathroom, Ashley couldn't resist his sexy body and proceeded to assualt him. Eeew. We round everyone up to see who's going to Onyx and we leave the Wild Wing. But not without Carmen hitting on the bouncer.

"How many holes you got in them pants?"
"I don't know, you wanna count them? I know I got 2 holes that work!"

Couldn't do anything but shake my head and say Carmen. We're on the road and I look in my rearview mirror. There's 5 CARS FOLLOWING US! And all I can think was- I was NOT prepared a DAMN BIT! When we get to Onyx, the security guards are already clearing the parking lot seeing as how Onyx closes at 3 on Wednesdays. Michelle and Ashley say their goodbyes (I think Michelle was on the hunt for some dick- quite honestly) I dunno WHERE Marci went. or the other cars. All I know is that Me, Carmen, and Malachi hit up the Waffle House. We sit, eat, talk shit (Yeah, Malachi tells us how his boy James- one of the black dudes Marci was talkin to- was scheming on her. Wanting to go over her place, get some ass, then take her money. Damn Shame. She REALLY needs some friends to let her know whats good) and say our goodbyes. At the end of the night I have so many new numbers in my phone and so many random texts that I didn't know WHAT was what. All I know is that everyone was wondering if we're gonna do the same thing next week. Hells YEAH!

Loves and Likes Ya!

My Wild Wing Night PT I

    One Wednesday night after work, probably about 2 or 3 weeks ago, I was in need of a drink. I contemplated buying a bottle of wine and downing it in the comfort of my room while watching a marathon of The Nanny, but decided that I should stop at a bar or something. I was driving to get gas and hot damn- the Wild Wing Cafe was on and POPPIN on a Wednesday night! So I went in on a whim and had a seat at the bar- work uniform still on and everything. It was karaoke night and I walked in on someone doing karoake to "Go DJ" by Lil Wayne. I buy my Malibu SeaBreeze and enjoy the scene. I finish my drink and think about ordering another one when this guy sitting beside me offers to buy me one. Now you know I don't turn down anybody's free drink so, "Are you sure? Thank you so much!"  Flash Colgate smile.

   We make some small talk and out the corner of my eye I see this white guy with this cheesy -ass- Cosby- style-sweater on and strawberry blond short curly hair. He's waving to me like he...knows me? Chile, I don't know that guy but I wish you could've seen the way he waved. *lmao at the memory* so he makes his way beside me and I learn that his name is Jeremy and he works at Microsoft down the street from my job. He buys me my 3rd drink. He brings me to where he was sitting before, and introduces me to one of the coolest white chicks named Michelle and her friend- Tyrone? Tyreek? Travis? I dunno, somebody was doing karoake to- what's that song? With Lionel Richie and Diana Ross? Right on the tip of my tongue-ENDLESS LOVE! Thanks for the help. So Michelle buys a round of Royal Flush shots. YUMMY! We (Michelle and I) exchange numbers so we can hang out sometime. We talk about tattoos and piercings and Jeremy and I was talking about work. Jeremy buys everyone another round of Royal Flush shots. Michelle is calling me a pussy for not buying what she's drinking - Purple Haze- and at first taste it reminds me of a grape Jolly Rancher. So I stop being a pussy and buy one. BIG mistake. It wasn't until I got my short ass off that bar stool and started to weeble a bit that I realized- pause- maybe THAT'S why they call it Purple Haze! lol. I made it home- I live only 5 mins away- stumbled up the steps and passed out on my bed. GREAT NIGHT! I get a text the next day from Michelle asking if I'll come back next week- Hells Yeah!

Loves and Likes IT!