I Have A Date?

I KNOOOOOW!!! Stop rolling your eyes. It just came as a surprise. It happened Thursday night. I was going to get some drinks since I got off of work early. What was supposed to be me, Carmen, Shara, David, and Kevin turned out to be just me and David. Kinda. Awkward. We started off at Wild Wing where I ran into Mr. Married Man and Mr. Last Thursday Night (YIKES) We stayed out there for maybe 30 minutes before we went to this hole in the wall pool hall with really good, really strong drinks. There were some curious glances in our direction, as I imagined they probably thought he paid for my company for the night, lol. Just kidding. Kinda. I had on a black v-neck t-shirt with a sequined rock n roll design, jeans, and black wedge heels. I managed to stuff my hair into a black newsboy cap and topped the look off with big silver hoops and a silver necklace. I don't THINK I looked like paid company *shrugs shoulders* but since he is an older white man who actually looks like an older white man not like- Paul Wall or something- we did look an odd couple. We still had some fun though. He let me get away with some cheating moves on the pool table, and applauded me with gusto when I did karaoke to "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood (damn I love a song where a girl gets revenge on a cheating asshole boyfriend) I was dropping him off and parked right beside this monster of a truck. Come to find out- it belongs to him! Oh I LOVE a big ol' diesel looking pickup truck. I just want to get behind the wheel and run people off of the road with it or something. I expressed my feelings about his truck and he says- wait for it- "Well, maybe I can take you for a ride in it. We'll go to dinner."

GASP!

Was that a dinner invitation? I mean, I know it's a dinner invitation- but is it a date DATE? Because I really don't know what to wear. There's only one thing I know for sure, I'm leaving the F*ck Me Pumps at home.

Loves and Likes Ya!

***UPDATE***
I just found out he wants to take me to this Cajun place that's like 20 minutes from our side of town. I'm adding up the minutes and...that's a whole bunch of conversation I'm gonna have to make from out my ass. DAMN.

Maybe White Ain't Alright?

Anybody who is close to me knows that I always say that my next boyfriend is going to be white. They think I'm playing. I'm like 87.62% sure that my next boyfriend isn't going to black. It is what it is. This being said, I have been having fun with all these vanilla pudding pops at my job. (Looking back at that last statement- maybe my sister was right about my analogies, lol) It's been hard balancing them though. Paul, David, Sam, Neal -and those names sound so white bread- all want some time with me and I'm feeling like my hands are full. I know that none of the guys I just listed can even be considered as boyfriend material. Paul is a divorced single father of 2 sons and stays in NY. David is going through a divorce with his wife, has a daughter, and lives in Michigan. Sam is the only one who is close to my age and he stays like an hour and some change away, but... I dunno. I don't trust his dimples. Neal is fresh from divorce after finding out his wife cheated on him. He's close to my age too and is a major cutie. But still, the problem I'm having is this: How can I tell if they're really interested in me, or if they're just trying to curb their craving for chocolate?

I know that I didn't tell you guys about this but sometime before that whole Top Flight Security fiasco, there was this white guest from Detroit. He was only 20 and looked cute wearing a white wife-beater, basketball shorts, and Jordan flip flops. I was on the couch watching some movie and he sat down right beside me. We talked and chilled for a while and he started getting fresh- in a good way. Things happened (I don't have to spell it out for you do I?) we didn't exchange numbers, can't even remember his name, but I couldn't help but feel like I was some kind of...what's the word? Not object, but...like I was an experiment or something? First time I ever felt like that after sex, so it caught me off guard. I wondered if I would've had those same feelings if it was a black guy.

That experience has affected me for sure, resulting in me giving the side eye to any white guy moving too fast without my consent. Damn shame. So Sam is talking to me and we're talking about music. AGAIN- I love all kinds of music and it shows in my iPod. He kept calling me Macy Gray because of how my hair was. I told him I get compared to Jill Scott most of the time and he had no idea who I was talking about. Then he says he doesn't like Kanye West because he doesn't make his own music. WHA?!?! I admit that I'm not that big of a fan of his 808's and Heartbreak album but his earlier albums are CLASSIC. (Moment of Silence for respect of albums)  How do I tell this white boy about the art of sampling and how people have been copying each other songs for centuries? I tried y'all. Out of the respect of my genealogy, I HAD to. I just saw my Dad and Sauce as floating heads over my shoulder looking in on this situation. That's when he said opposites attract or something like that. True. But I couldn't help but think about what other things we can disagree on, which can be many thanks to our different backgrounds. And what about other guys from different races? Wouldn't I be going through the same thing with them? Then I'll feel like Sanaa Lathan's character in the movie Something New. It's a lot to think about. For sure.

Loves and Likes Ya

Hotel Hookups

   In the midst of me working like a sharecropper, I looked up and realized...our hotel was CRAWLING with mancandy! I mean- whew! We're talking about my average guest being white married male aged from mid 30's to late 50's. I'm observing the place and seeing guys from mid 20's to mid 30's, looking good from all races. I had to tell the sales manager, "Girl, Chris! Thank you for giving me some mancandy to ogle at the desk. It makes work sooo much better!" That got a good laugh out of her.
   I first noticed this white guy, probably late 20's, early 30's. Nice fit body with a bald head that he kept gleaming. But y'all, I must admit I was a tad bit stumped. Because no matter how nice I was to him or how many flirty smiles I sent his way, he remained somewhat surly. I just chalked it up as a "L" and moved on to this other cute guy, Paul, from NY. Said he's Puerto Rican and Irish. That's the melting pot at it's finest. He made me a drink and after my shift, we sat outside and talked for a good 30 minutes, ending the night with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He's a cutie y'all so excuse me while I Chester Cheese for a bit.
   Moving on...I checked in this tall, lanky young black guy. He was a cutie as well (otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned him- duh!) but tall and lanky ain't my schtik so I passed. That did not stop me from hooking him up with Shara though. Tall T, my nickname for him, is in town for a month and a half for work. And guess who one of his co-workers is? Mr. Clean! You know- the bald-headed surly one. Turns out he's just really shy. Also in the mix is a young white guy who is just so cute in a shaggy kind of way. I just tell him, "You are so adorable! I'm gonna put you in my pocket." We call him The Kid or The Boy.
  Anjail and I just adopted Tall T,  Mr. Clean, and The Kid in our crew and I invited them to hang out with all of us for my birthday. Unfortunately my "boyfriend" Paul went back to NY, but he'll be back next week. And that is how I came to have one of the best birthdays in a loooong time!

Loves and Likes Ya!

S.O.S

Do I need to make a new label called Thirsty Thursdays? Because Wild Wing Wednesdays ain't even poppin' like that anymore. After I get off of work, Shara and I go to this pool hall called Yellow Rose. Talkin bout some thug nasty, nasty thugs? And some hoodrats? Maaaan.The playoff game was on and everyone was all extra hype after the Lakers won. Call us snobs, but we decided to leave after some local cat was spitting some crazy rhymes. And by crazy I mean crazy dumb. And what's worse? The chorus is stuck in my head:

"What you talkin is irrelavent, keep on talkin and Ima end up at your residence. Aww naww, you done messed up. Dippin in the mustard but you can't ketchup"

   I know right? Damn. So where do we go? Of course. Wild Wing. We sit at the bar and a couple of minutes later this cute dude bumps into the chair next to me. I asked him if he was alright because he was rubbing his chest. And he was like, "Yeah. I'm not even gonna lie, that shit hurts likes a bitch." And we both laugh. Shara is bumping my leg and giving me the green light to continue talking to dude. At first glance I couldn't really guess his nationality. Either Asian or Hispanic, hard to tell because the only accent he had was a northern one.  He nods at my vodka and cranberry and tells me that I should get the bartender to mix it with some pineapple juice, otherwise I'll wake up with a killer headache. I take his advice and it does taste a little smoother. Then he starts to ask why we came so late and I told him about us going to the Yellow Rose after I got off of work. I then ask where he's from and he's thinking I mean what's his nationality. But I tell him - yeah I would like to know your nationality, but I would also like to know if you stayed up north because I hear an accent (and even though I didn't tell him, the way he talks so animatedly with his hands is almost a dead giveaway of being a northerner). Turns out he was born in Vietnam and moved to the US with his aunt when he was 5. They lived in New York for a while then moved to Greensboro NC and finally Charlotte.
    Actually, it wasn't as plain cut as I've just stated. Homeboy almost gave me a full autobiography. He disappears for a minute and I get to turn to Shara where we squeal about how cute he is. I know, I know. We're such girls sometimes! lol. So she's wondering  what's taking me so long to get the number and find out if he has any friends that he can introduce to her. He comes back after a while and try to tab out. I tab out and tell him that we (Shara and I) are gonna sit on the patio and ask if he wants to come to come with. He says he'll join us in a lil bit.
   Much to Shara's delight, he brought a friend along, introduced himself as Eddie, and sits down at the table. It was then that I realized that I didn't even know homeboy's name. Loon. LOON! What kind of crazy name is that? The only thing I kept thinking about was that sexy rapper Loon from Bad Boy. You know..."How you want that? Tell me how you want that, daddy how you wanna give it to me? A bad boy is what I need" I know you remember that! We all chat for a while. It's quite obvious that Loon is faded. He asks me what we're getting into tonight. At this time it's about 2am and I'm thinking to myself, "What am I getting into tonight? Hell, I'm trying to get into my damn bed." It was a hard day at work y'all. But instead I tell him nothing and he invites me to his place for more drinks and just to "chill". I just kinda brushed it off. Maybe 10 minutes later I hear Eddie asking Shara the same thing. She tells him that she rode with me so it's really up to me. Oh Brother. Bathroom break.

Shara: Girl. What are we gonna do?
Me:  I dunno. They seem kinda harmless. What kinda name is Loon?
Shara: A sexy name, just like him. I mean, I do kinda want to go, ain't like I got anything else to do.
Me: What was up with Eddie studying your feet like a damn science project?
Shara: I know right? I knew you were kidding when you said it, but I think he DOES have a foot fetish. Girl. That man is 34 years old. Did Looney Tunes tell you how old HE was?
Me: Right. Along with his social security number and blood type. NO. He was all like "age ain't nothin but a number." Hell, he's probably 45 girl!
Shara: So we're going?
Me: What the hell. You got notches?
Shara: It's fully charged girl.
Me: Alright then.

   We all rendezvous at the gas station. Shara and I are still in my car, Loon goes inside the store. Eddie goes inside the store. Minutes are going by and we're trying to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Me: Maybe they're getting more drinks or something?
Shara: Yeah. Or maybe they're getting condoms.

Eddie leaves the store with nothing in his hand. Loon leaves the store with a bag of pork rinds.

Me and Shara: They got condoms.

This post is seeming long as hell y'all! And there's still more to the story. I'll conclude it tomorrow.

Loves and Likes Ya

What Do You Do...???

So, we all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses. And y'all, I'm talking about sexually. My strength? Definitely giving head. Weakness? Riding. I admit it, I can get a lil lazy after a while. And while I can still count my number of sexual partners on one hand- wait a minute while I verify the validity of the statement...WHEW! Barely made it! lol- I can remember their specific strengths and weaknesses. C: With him being my first, all I remember thinking was how big it was. His strength? Giving emotional support after popping the cherry. His weakness? Hot ass breath! lol. I just remember it being hot on the back of my neck for like- no reason! Lemme stop y'all. Ok, next- Wright. I can still swoon about the night he seduced me because it played out like the perfect romantic movie. Thunderstorm- check. Home cooked meal- check. Movie- check. Slow, lingering kisses- check. Slow sexy music and candles- check. Removing my belt buckle with his teeth- HOT DAMN! Strength: His moves, more moves than Chris Brown in his "Take You Down" video. Weakness: He only focused on HIS pleasure. Then there was D, whose strength was eating like he hasn't been fed in YEARS! Whoooo. *My legs just turned into jelly reminiscing* But his weakness was his insecurity, always wanting to know how he did like he's at the Olympics waiting for a scorecard. Chile, PUHLEEZE. Sauce is a savage and that's his strength. I guess it's because from the get-go we knew that we weren't there to "make love" bump that. We were just straight up F*CKIN and he behaved in that manner. LOVE IT, although the fact that I do love it makes me a bit worried that I may be a bit turned on by S&M???  And even though I love the roughness he applies with every stroke, I do NOT appreciate that roughness when he begins to sample the goods. *And now my legs just clinched together in memory* I mean, I appreciate his enthusiasm because it's always good to see a guy who enjoys licking the plate, but dammit if he ain't tryin to bite the plate too! It almost feels like a female circumcision or something. With Malachi it's a little too soon to tell what his strength or weakness may be but something tells me I'm gonna have fun finding out! I mean, the outside thing was exciting and thrilling enough really.

Honestly, the purpose of this post is this: What do you do when your sexual partner doesn't know their weakness? Do you tell them or do you be evasive whenever the subject comes up? Sis and I were debating this earlier tonight when I was telling her about Sauce. So of course we came up with a little list of techniques I can use if need be:

Me: Keep his mouth occupied with other things-=> naughty wink

Sis: Play dead=> Said because the clenching of the thighs and the faces made can be misconstrued for pleasure instead of terror

Me: Pop his head whenever it begins to wander down to the treasure box=> I reckon if you do it enough, it'll be like a Pavlov effect. Ya smack him enough and he'll won't be able to go down without flashbacks

Sis: Feed him so he won't be hungry => And by this she means real food! Girl loves food. Lol

Me: Tell him, "Look- I know they say Pain is Pleasure but DAMMIT do you have to tear my shits out? Is you THAT hungry baby?" 

And we busted out in a fit of giggles.

Loves and Likes Ya! =>No matter what your strengths and weaknesses may be!

Back On The Stroll

So after a series of texts, Sauce left me feeling some kinda way. Not like that. But it was something he said.

"Geez, I'm trying to be a good boyfriend but then you tempt me...geez"

I'm sorry, y'all didn't know he had a girlfriend? Well, honestly I just assumed he was single. Than I saw the status on his Facebook and asked him about it. I was surprised because he doesn't, and never would, strike me as the type to cheat. I dunno, maybe I was being a bit romanticized in the thought- seeing as I would hope he didn't do the same thing to me while we went out. ESPECIALLY since I wasn't giving it up to him. Nevertheless, he told me the situation was very complicated and not like that. I can careless- I just didn't want to be caught off guard in case anything happened.

But that text? (which BTW, was followed with some sex talk- gotta love a tipsy Sauce) That text implies that things just became a little less complicated. He's trying to work it out with the girl. And if he's trying to work it out- then I just need to take that as a cue to fade into the background. So no more texts from me asking "whens the next time u free". Its back to the friend zone with him and I.

That's how I found myself on the patio last Wednesday with Malachi at Wild Wing. Flirting back and forth. I dropped Carmen off and met back up with Malachi at this 24 hr gambling spot owned by some of his people. We just sat and talk, chilled a bit. Can I say that he's a real cool dude? Because he is. And if I don't watch myself- I can really like this guy. He walked me to my car- and got in. Weeeeelllll... some things happened. And every time I look at my back window, I see him writing "hell yea!" on my window. And  I smile. We didn't take it all the way there but mutual attraction will take care of that soon enough. Lose one FB and get another? I didn't even have to go on the stroll for long. Suh-WEET!

Loves and Likes Ya

Feeling Sorry for the Fellas... Keep It 100!

Yea. I said it. I feel sorry for them sometimes. It's almost sad the way they're so OBLIVIOUS to what girls are thinking and wanting from them. What bought this thought on? My sister and her on/off boyfriend. *smh*

Riding in the car and hearing her express all the thoughts about him that she can't seem to tell him, I couldn't help but to think- Poor Seth. Do you realize that every word you say- or don't say is analyzed like a clue on CSI? Like, REALLY! And for most guys, it's the exact same for them. It would help if us women just tell the guys straight up what's what. But instead we second guess ourselves, gathering information from friends and family who aren't even qualified to give advice, just to give a half-ass attempt to communicate. I'm calling BS on the whole process! I am! Why can't you just tell a guy what's up? So what's a lil embarassment between homies/lovers/friends? At least everything is out in the open.

I chose this approach when I first asked Sauce to become my FB. Yeah- that's right- I asked HIM. The way how things were working out with the non-existent guys in my life (ok- the guys may be there but the way how I feel, they may as well not be) I knew I needed to get some release SOMEHOW. Sauce and I were hanging out a lil more often and although he played the cool friend- he's still a guy. And guys like ass. Hell, I like ass.So I put myself out there- potential embarassment and all- and a FB union was formed.

However, I didn't use the same open approach with Ced. After all the bad dates and study sessions, I just started ignoring his calls and texts instead of telling him. Today I got the most pitiful text from him.

hey what's up chelle guess u ain't pick up my phone calls was it something i did or said well its been real preciate it

Ain't hardly nothin bout that message grammatically correct. I mean, dang, can a girl get a comma, period, question mark or something? Jeez Louise! Sorry. Back to the subject at hand. It wasn't until I got this message (in the morning- while in the company of Sauce nonetheless) that I realized that MAYBE *pause* I handled the whole thing wrong with him. I mean, I try to keep it 100 with any guy I talk to- regardless of feelings- just because I want them to be the same with me. So me ignoring his calls/texts- makes me no better than Jay (can I get a moment of silence for the fineness that was Jay? **WHOOOOO** lmao) who started ignoring my texts after what I thought was a cool date or two. Even though I'm PRETTY damn sure the reason why I didn't hear back from him was because I denied him a taste of my honeybun. Hell, I didn't even nibble on his Snickers. Come to think of it- why didn't I? He was SEXXXY y'all! LOL. Bring me back chile, bring me back! LMAO

So at first I read his lil text, rolled my eyes, and threw my phone back in my purse. Then I started thinking- shouldn't I answer? Let him know why I don't really feel the need to be in his company any longer? Then I imagined all the back and forth that may involve. (Damn, I'm getting a headache just thinking about it. D really used to kill me with that talking in circles thing) Then I started thinking- well hell. He said "preciate it" didn't he? That implies some air of finalization on the topic, doesn't it? And that was that. Until the pitiful text message popped into my head again.

It takes balls to just put yourself out there like that. Ladies and/or Gents - how many times have you sent a text like that? Grasping for a hope that maybe you can salvage a spark you felt was there. Hell, I know I have! So don't front like you don't know what I'm talking about. He deserves an answer. No matter what feelings may get hurt or how long the back and forth may be. Bump that. There will be NO back and forth. I'll say my peace and that's that. Keep it 100- right?


Loves and Likes Ya => even if you keep it 100. lol

Dave and BUSTERS

So...remember that post I did about the Sunday night date at Dave and Buster's with Ced? I mean- I know it was a while ago but Jeez Louise, I've been busy slacking! : p  Annnnywho! Usually Ced is blowing up my phone like he don't know no other numbers in the world. (I know that my grammar is incorrect but I like it like that)  So I found it unusual that I haven't heard anything from him that day. Especially since we were supposed to be meeting up later that night. I was wishing on all my wishes that he'll cancel, so I wasn't gonna call or text him or NOTHING. I was gonna be cool as a cucumber. After taking a nap and starting to settle in for a LifeTime movie, I look at the time (6 something), looked outside (light rain, dark clouds) and figured I'd give the lil negro a call to see what was up. We never set a time or anything like that and with any luck, he'll back out of it.

No such luck, Chuck. I find myself traveling north on 85 on the way to D&B. The whole time I'm trying to use Jedi mind tricks on myself- telling myself how good of a time I'm about to have. I mean, after all, it IS D&B and EVERYBODY has fun at D&B. Right? Wrong again!

I'm waiting on him- A-DAMN-GAIN- and now I'm thinking: Chelle, what the hell is going on? Why are you giving this guy so many chances? He's a good guy, that's why. Well hell, that doesn't mean he's good for you. What the hell can he do for you anyway???? Good question.

He comes breezing in and we hug and he's like super duper stoked. And I'm jealous. Because I wish that I shared the same sentiment. He wants to know what game produces the most tickets and we head over to where the basketball game is so he can play that and I can play skeeball. Unfortunately, all the skeeball lanes are taken so I'm stuck watching him go hamm on the game. And when I say hamm, I really mean SPAZ because he's spazzing out on the fact that the game only gives him 2 balls to shoot with and he only wins 2 tickets. So he's switching to the next goal that gives him like 3 or 4 balls to shoot with and I'm horrified at the fact that he's stealing balls from the other goals around him while other people are trying to play the game. Yeeeaaahhh. Embarassed, I walk away unnoticed and start to roam the area for games I would want to play. I really wasn't feeling it y'all. I wound up going to the bathroom and sitting in the rocking chair. I texted my sister and checked my facebook and my sister helped me remember I was on a date so I left the bathroom and went back to the basketball game. He was still there. By this time a skeeball lane has opened up. I flex my skeeball skills and I'm hitting the 50,000 and 40,00 and a couple of times I amost get the 100,000 and this boy is trying to tell me how to get the 100,000. So I ask if he wants to play (but I say it in the sista-gurl way, YOU know) but this fool used up ALL his tokens on the b-ball game. So I swipe my card and let him play one lane while I play another. With the way he skeeballed? He needed to ask ME for advice.

So we cash in the tickets and I'm ready to go but when I look at the time, only 45 minutes has passed! I promise it felt like every bit 3 hours! lol. I suggest we go see a movie. He wants to eat first. I'm thinking: I'm only gonna get a drink and an appetizer so we can speed this process up. We sit down and order our drinks. Chile, I ordered a DRANK! Some peach concoction. Peach Schnapps, Peach puree, vodka, and some other type of juice. He's bugging because...he's never seen anyone order a drink before? I mean, maybe not really, but it felt that way by the way he looked at me. And then he says,

"Wow. So you drink? Am I gonna have to drive you home tonight?"

 Off of one drink? Is he serious? By that time I was wishing two things=> 1. That D&B wasn't 25 mins from my house so I can 2. Tell the bartender to keep the drinks coming. He looks at the menu and says he doesn't have a taste for anything on the menu and that he can go for sushi. I roll my eyes on that and ask if he can ALWAYS go for sushi. I order a magherita pizza and he's sitting there, watching the game and watching me eat. AWKWARD. Conversation was LAME. He was a LAME and I was ret ta go. I got out my wallet and he stops me- I'm wondering if he's ACTUALLY gonna pay for something (he didn't have to pay for my gamecard since I still had one left from before with some tokens on it. Ain't like he asked ANYWAYS) but NOOOOOO! He wants to be a nosy ass and try to look at the cards in my wallet. Nigga is you stuck on stupid? Getthafuck outta my wallet! I was gone y'all. He reached for the hug- I sidestepped that joint like I was T.O. on the field. Too through y'all. That happened on the 28. I haven't answered nan call from him since. No texts. Don't deal with him in class. It is what it is.

You know what's funny? That day of the sushi date? Earlier that day I sent Sauce a text to see if he wanted to grab something to eat. His bum ass was still sleep and that's how I wound up with Ced. Sauce read the blog and thought it was hilarious and told me that I would've had to pay for him as well because he was broke too. I told him that I wouldn't have mind, and that was 100% true. First of all- Sauce and I have HISTORY. Which means that I don't mind paying his way from time to time because there were plenty of times when he paid my way. Second of all- The nature of the relationships are different. Sauce is on FB status. That allows him to be the bum-ass that he is. I don't have any expectations from him- I mean, other than one- but I'm not expecting him to escort me places and try to woo me. Ced was ultimately gonna be on boyfriend status. That means- you need to step your shit up. Because Kandi couldn't have sung it better:

"I don't ask no man for shit, and I don't beg no man for shit, but if he ain't spoilin me with gifts, than that ain't the man I'm with"

Meaning, yeah, I can pay my way but that doesn't mean I should HAVE to pay my way ALL the time. Spoil me. My last ex D. Yeah he was a cheapskate. But that didn't stop him from buying me flowers or gummi bears or books from time to time. I didn't ask him to, or even give hints, he just knew what kind of girl he was dealing with. A prize! Stop laughing y'all! lol

Loves and Likes Ya!

One More Chance?

Ced calls me today to ask if I would like to hang out and go to Dave and Busters. I guess. But if he says something about history work or computer work then I'm jumping in my car and cutting all ties. AND hands are keeping to themselves, because he obviously can't handle AAAAAALLLLLL of dis! Lol ; p

loves and likes ya!

p.s. I typed all this from my el cheapo phone, not that bad eh?

Smacking on Sushi

I know it's been a hot lil minute but I've got some posts brewing on the back burners, just have to get off my lazy ASS and develop the ideas. Today, however, we're going to talk about my lunch date with Mr. Man- aka Ced.

He invited me to have lunch with him at this all you can eat sushi place. He bragged about it and hassled me about it (he asked me like fitty-leven times if I ate sushi. Yes) So I said sure, I mean, I did say (to myself) that we can be friends and friends do lunch. So we say 11:30. His time management skills are worse than mine so I leave my house at 11:30 when he calls and says he stuck in traffic. I get there sooner than expected and he's still stuck in traffic. He doesn't meet me until almost an HOUR later! UGH. So we walk in the place and he's showing off his limited Japanese we sit down and then we get up to get some grub. He makes it back to the table before I do and gave me a short lesson on how to use my chopsticks (cuz the only way I use chopsticks is in my hair- you remember that don't you? With the little studs on top? Girl STOP! Couldn't tell me NOTHING!) Back to the subject.

He's doing some more of his bootleg Japanese on the waitress. Yes, I am aware that you were stationed in Japan, please don't be a dick and try to show off. So I'm working it out with the chopsticks and he's smacking. While eating sushi? That's one of my pet peeves. Top of the list most definitely. How do you smack while eating SUSHI?! Anyways, we're making light conversation, ("I can't believe you like sushi" "Why? You've only asked me like a hundred times." "I just wanted to make sure. Make sure you weren't lying." "And I would lie about eating sushi because...?" And hush mouth.) And he says, "We're the only black people in here." I dunno. Something about that statement rubbed me the wrong way, even though it sounds like something I would say any other day. But I say, "Well, there's at least 5 other black people here so it's not that bad." Then the ignorance continues to pour out his mouth.

"Why is it that you think black people don't eat sushi?" And I give him one of my trademarked looks but that doesn't stop him. "Do you think it's because of ignorance? Or they're too afraid to try it?"

And he's still smacking while he's asking me this. I'm wishing I can just walk away and chalk this experience up to life but he's staring me down and he's actually expecting me to...answer?

"Umm. I dunno. I don't think it's ignorance. Sometimes people don't feel a need to try new things or may not have the chance or opportunity to try something new. I would've never tried it if my ex didn't take me to try it. Not that I was afraid to, I just never thought about it like that."

And I spend the rest of the lunch drinking water and eating sushi. Glad when it was over. Obviously I'm gonna have to rethink this friend thing! Shara says he was probably trying to impress me and was so nervous that he didn't know what to say. But then I told her how when the bill came up he asked if I wanted to go half on it. I'm not a goldigger. On the contrary, I am very understanding about financial matters. However, HE invited ME for lunch so I was under the impression he was paying. This is the 2nd time he did something like this to me. Shara says that was a no-no and I should just cut him loose. I pretty much did that when I paid for my half and left a tip.

Loves and Likes Ya

"Yo- You're A Christian?"

   Wooooow! I knew he was kidding because I've told him about my going to church, but it still stung a little bit. Because my days off pretty much always fall on Sunday and Monday, I spend Sunday morning at church praying about the sins I'm about to commit Sunday night and maybe Monday. SMH. It's a damn shame. Being raised in the church with strong religious values, I've always been a little conflicted. I have accepted Christ as my Savior. I know right from wrong. Where my problem lies is the fact that I'm a very sexual being. I tried praying but it doesn't work as well.

I'm pretty good about resisting temptation. How I do that is remove myself from any situation that I know will lead me to be alone with an attractive male. (J/K, Gosh- I'm not THAT horny!) but you know what kind of situations I'm talking about- late night (well, it doesn't have to be late nights) an intimate group of friends (well, it doesn't have to be that intimate) maybe a couple of drinks (well, drinks may or may not be involved) Scratch that- I have to remove myself from any situation that I know will lead me to be alone with an attractive male. Case in point- Ol' buddy with the study session.

I was doing just fine with my celibacy. I haven't had any since the day after Christmas and I wasn't sliding down any banisters so I think all was good. HOWEVER- ol' buddy woken up SOMETHING someone inside of me that hasn't been out in a while. HELLO LOLA!

With the arrival of Lola, came the beginnings of my spiritual battle. How can I be up in church, and not just up in church- but pretty INVOLVED in the church, and act like this heathen? At one point I was holding on to my virginity with an iron-clad grip that my ex hated me for. I was 19 and still figuring out my direction in life. I don't know when it was that I realized, "Uh Chelle- you're still calling yourself a virgin but you're doing everything but having vaginal intercourse. Fantastic." And another thing my ex hated me for. Needless to say- my ex didn't pop the cherry, instead it was this guy I worked with and only knew for about 2 weeks? Yeah- no idea where my head was. Again- I was 19.

I'm off subject. Lola got introduced to the ex. The ex who hated my iron-clad grip and "Don't put it in" sayings. The ex I've been hanging out with lately. Yeah. Dammit my sister was right. But not in the "relationship" capacity because I don't need that drama- remember, I still have goals to achieve- but in the stereotypical "FB" capacity that seems to haunt so many ex-relationships. I mean, it seems perfect! I have a monkey on my back that needs to get the hell off (yes that pun was intended) and he's the perfect guy. Real laid back- doesn't seem to be prone to stalker status (cuz YOU KNOW *heh heh heh*. Lemme stop chile) and we're already familar with one another so no awkward moments. And yeah- it was him that said that slick comment in the title of this post. Gotta love him though.

So I'm talking to my sister Monday during our dinner date and I ask her if she ever feel guilty about having premarital sex, especially since we seem to be getting so involved with our church and church family lately.

"What like DURING sex?"
"Not really, just like anytime. Do you ever think, 'This is wrong?'"
"I mean, it's more like a fleeting thought but it's much much MUCH later. Depends on how good he put it down. I may not be in my right mind yet!"

I felt her on that one. Because Sunday night with the ex was....DAMN. Everytime I think about it, I just shake my head and blush. Yeah- it was like that. Makes me kinda glad that I didn't go to church that morning.

Loves and Likes Ya

Priceless

At breakfast I tell Trina and Shay what happened between me and C.

Trina: Sorry to hear that. You want me to call Robert for you?

Me: I can't wanna do that! I still got goals to achieve...

Shay: She don't need to get doped up by tha dick

...and Eating Leftovers

Part II

 

And in continuation...

 

There is something almost COMFORTING about going back to an ex. Is it because we have a history? They already know about my SEVERE MOOD SWINGS personality? I already know about their habits? Or is it because of sheer laziness? I dunno, all I know is that I have a bad habit of eating my leftovers.

 

I mean, they do say that leftovers are always better the next day (something about how the sauce and seasonings get to marinate *shrugs shoulders*) Now -and pardon me if I get a bit metaphorical, just ride with me on this- let's say Nana put the smackdown on some spaghetti, made a big pot of it and you know how Nana's are "Here baby, take you some more home. Here, I got some aluminum foil in the bottom right cabinet."  So you take home your bowl. The next day you eat it- you notice how well seasoned everything is and you love it. The third day you have it- you're trying to spice it up a little bit- add some pepperjack cheese to it- idk, SOMETHING. 4th day you're sick and tired of it and you go out for Chinese. No matter what you do- it's still spaghetti

 

Going back out with you ex is like that scenario I just mentioned. And I'm telling this to you from experience- not from my ghetto pschology notebook. D and I broke up previously because of communication issues. Almost a year later, we tried at it again- much to the chagrin of some friends and most family members. So at first it was okay, smooth sailing, I was trying my best and he was trying his best. Then the insecurities came back (his, not mine) and the issues of spending time with one another came back (me basically ignoring him at times)  Then came the communication issues (he couldn't tell me what was on his mind and couldn't understand me) Then hell, I got tired of it all. No matter how I dressed it up- we're still the same ol' people before that we are now.

What brought this subject about was my sudden friendship with my other ex, Sauce. I mean, him and I have always been in contact with one another but usually it's like a text here and there. Every since New Year's, we've actually been hanging out. B-ball games, out to eat, movies or just chillin at his spot. (No hands, but I don't know how much that'll last) And my sister, upon hearing this, hit me with the side eye and "mmm hmmm" (gotta love her!) She thinks I'm looking back in the fridge for more leftovers since I'm low on pocketchange and can't go out to eat. (If that metaphor lost you, let that be read as: She thinks I'm gonna hook up with him since my current database for guys is pretty non-existent, leaving me to settle for him. Exercize that brain muscle- sheesh!) Well she doesn't have to worry about me because I'm getting my weight up and I got ALOT some possibilities!

PLACES WHERE I CAN FIND MY NEXT PIECE OF MANCANDY:

• I DO go to school. And there's something about a man getting an education that makes him sooo sexxxy.
•  
• Gas Station- At least you know he has a car
•  
• Late Night Walmart Shopping Trip. I don't know how it is where you stay, but here in Charlotte- at the Super Wal-Mart off S. Tryon- the stockers are CUTIES! I don't frown my face up at a Wal-Mart employee either. Hell, a job is a job is a job is a JOB. I'll take those benefits.
•  
• Work. While my friends were out in their freakum dresses this past weekend getting numbers, I was in a striped dress shirt with a navy blue sweater pullover and khakis. I got 3 numbers and at least 5 invitations to go up to someone's room. *Sometimes it hurts to be a girl with a conscience and SOME morals*

ANY MORE SUGGESTIONS?

Loves and Likes Ya!

Sexually Intimidated?

**WARNING: POST IS RAUNCHY Y'ALL!*

Sorry to interrupt the flow of  "The One That Got Away and Eating Leftovers" but I had to blog a quickie- and the pun is used in every sense of the word.

I was eventually gonna blog about this new friendship/relationship that seems to be blossoming between me and my classmate C. He's a chill dude. Born in Africa, moved to NY when he was 9. Got his stuff TOGETHER (or at least it seems anyway) So I'm helping him with his computer class and with the History homework and we're at his place. Now we've been study buddies for about 2 weeks now and I knew that -eventually- something sexual may happen.

I don't quite know how it started. I think it was just him being fresh (damn I love the abrasiveness of an up north guy) feeling on my chest. That was a turn-ON. Kisses and licks placed on my chest? Definite turn-ON. I felt him rubbing against my thigh. IT'S ON...or so I thought.

Dammit, I promised I took like 5 good sucks and with a soft caress to the underseam of his sack, he says
"Oh no. I'm bout to bust"
WHAT THE FUCK! That's fine. It's still kinda early, I'm willing to wait a couple of minutes for him to compose himself and then show me that he can hold his own. Except...he doesn't. No more foreplay, he just shows me pictures of when he was stationed in Japan. I'm FRUSTRATED! Y'all- it's been a while since I've had a good release and I just KNEW that I was gonna be good to go but nooooo.

Obviously he was embarassed but I would think that as a guy- with a healthy male ego- he would step it up. I mean, I really was having a good time and I was looking forward to him showcasing his skills. But instead it was like he was trying to forget it happened, changing his mind as fast as Beyonce changes clothes in a concert. Is it because he was a bit intimidated by my skills? Like kinda scared? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. But the icing on the cake was him calling me about 10 minutes after I left his house. I think it was because I told him my ex lived around the corner from him and he wanted to see if I was going over there. I probably SHOULD have! Lemme take a quick cold shower to calm my hot ass down! lol

Loves and Likes Ya

The One That Got Away...

(Part I)

   So, it's Sista Sunday (the day me and my sister usually just hang out after church and whatnot) And among the many things we talk about, our my train of thoughts are sooo random, was "Eating Leftovers" and "The One That Got Away" Sounds funny right?

   What brings this topic about is...damn, what was it?...Umm, I think we were talking about her knuckleheaded ex? How she's barely paying him any attention (we'll have to see how long THAT lasts. Love my sis to death, but there's some kind of weird gravitational pull to that guy) and now he's calling and texting her all the time. She's all like- "Is this all I had to do?" and I'm all like- "Well, DUH!" and we got to talking about some of the guys we passed up in high school and how it would be to go out with them now.

   How come during high school, during the last couple o' months, I would always discover at least 2 guys that had some kind of crush on me? Never failed. E-V-E-R-Y year! I'd get that message in my yearbook "I always thought you were cute"  Well WOW! And you waited 'til the last week of school to give a sista girl a clue?! REALLY? And it always leave me to wonder- what if???? *cue dream sequence*

   After high school, I had a date with a "one that got away" He's a year older than me, tall mexican dude (hey- I don't discriminate) real laid-back personality. He first hit me up on MySpace (back when MySpace was on and POPPIN!) telling me how he still had the poems and notes I would write and wondered if we can hang out some time. Now, I knew he liked me back in high school but he never really acted on it. We went to the movies, went out to eat, went to Dave and Busters, and although those 3 outings were fun- I dunno. something was kinda missing. So I guess it's ok that he got away the first time

   On Facebook, Shawn contacted me. We hung out 8th and 9th grade. I always had an inkling that he liked me, but again- never acted on it (is it something about my character that intimidates guys? I PROMISE I hardly ever mean-mug) So- again- he's another one who kept all the notes we wrote back and forth (and WHAT IS WITH THAT? Guys are obviously just as sentimental as girls!) I do believe there's only a matter of time before he gathers the courage to ask me out.

   Another contact was made on Facebook. This one was from 11 YEARS AGO! We're talking about a guy I only knew for half of 7th grade year, when I lived in Atl and moved suddenly to Charlotte. WOOOOOOOW! I was BLOWN AWAY y'all. Because I had such a crush on this guy and it seemed like he liked me back- but this one chick was crazy obssessed with him and blocked my chances. So imagine my surprise when I get the message that starts off

"Are you the same --Chelle M------- that went to Campbell Middle School? If so, do you remember Chad C-------?"

HELL YEAH I REMEMBERED HIM! He was the same guy that almost ripped my heart out when he didn't dance with me at the school dance (thanks to my first case of cockblocking- middle finger to you wherever you are MORGAN!) The icing on the cake was he actually wrote that he considered me "the one that got away" back then. Say WHA?? So he asked me what I was doing for CIAA weekend, of course I'm working 3rd shift so I don't get to go to any of the parties. But nonetheless- we exchange numbers and we'll go out one night. Maybe Sunday or Monday.  With all the possibilities around the corner, why am I looking at "eating leftovers?" Part II coming!

Loves and Likes Ya!

Walk That Talk Girl!

I promise I don't like to do a lot of talking in a relationship. I PROMISE! Anjail says I go hard. T-Dubb says I'm a heartbreaker. I'm pretty sure Terry has told me that I can be a bit of an ice queen. I can't help it! I've been raised around a bunch of tough broads who don't take no shit. In result, I am the same way. Luckily I've had an awesome (if somewhat ecclectic) group of boyfriends. All of them as sweet as chocolate pudding pie *PAUSE*

I'm willing to accept that that may be one (out of many) reasons why I'm still single. I've never been the girl planning weddings and picking out baby names. I was the "hot-ass" little girl who flirted with all the guys. I mean, they called me a tease but I called them fun. It's all a game for me. Even now, I treat having a boyfriend with such a cavalier attitude that my boyfriends get confused. Somewhere along the line- they think I forget that we're together. NOT EVEN! I know that I am a selfish person who wants her space and would appreciate it if you stop breathing down my DAMN NECK. Sheesh.

Anyway- Back to the subject!

I've only had one boyfriend cheat on me. George 2DamnTrifling Dawkins. He was a senior and I was a junior. He cheated on me with a sophmore who looked like she can be the mascot for Kibbles N Bits *gosh Chelle, bitter much?* You know what pissed me off the most though? The fact that he had no business cheating on ANYONE looking the way he was looking! He should've been kissing my feet! And then he has the nerve to cheat on me with THAT? STOP! I was too through.  He was the last boyfriend to cheat on me.

I tell 'em upfront- DO NOT LIE and DO NOT CHEAT!  I don't care if you think it's gonna hurt my feelings, I'm a big girl, I'll work out my issues *with my waiting to exhale soundtrack, a brick, and your window :)*

All this drama that some of these girls like to keep in their life- not for me. Keep that drama on the TV and in the books because it doesn't belong in my life. I'm only giving a guy three strikes (maybe a little more if I like him but not extended past 5) And know this- a lot of girls talk it, but I walk it. I've been single before- it ain't nothing new to me! So when I believe that being with you is more of a chore instead of a good time- DEUCES. I'm gone.

Is it because I've never been in love; or because I've never had "the pipe" laid on me just right- that I can dismiss these guys so easily? I dunno...but until I figure it out- let me go on ahead and play my favorite new song!

Loves and Likes Ya


ATL Female MC- Rasheeda: Show Ya To The Door- Should be every girl's anthem.

Stereotypical Fling

So there's this security guard at my job. He's a cute lil white boy, a lil too thin for my initial liking, but cute nonetheless. I'm always joking with my friends that my next boyfriend is going to be white but he's married y'all! Now, Ms. Chelle don't want to break up any happy homes. I mean, that was more of my mom's kind of thing- not mine. So instead I decided to engage in some harmless flirting with him and he happily flirted back.

Now this has been going on for a looooooong time. He started working at other job sites for a while but eventually came back to my job. We hugged and I asked where he's been and all that jazz. T-Dub was in the house and he told ( I'm going to give him a nickname- Top Flight) Top Flight that I had a white boyfriend the other weekend. (I'll blog about that later- maybe. It was kinda risque and I would hate to dim your opinion of me) Once T-Dub left, Top Flight asked me why I was cheating on him.

"Excuse ME?"
"You heard me, you got another white boyfriend? I see how you do,"
"Umm, number 1: He lives in Detroit, so I doubt I'll see him again. Number 2: You're married- it ain't none of your damn business. Nothing's gonna happen, I don't break up happy homes"
"It ain't a happy home" Tell that to the next chick, I said to myself.

We're still flirting, sexual innuendos flying back and forth, and before I know it- it's time for me to go home. We say our farewells and thats that. Tell my why (and to my girl K, you don't even have to feel bad because I didn't even take my own advice) after feeling restless around 2 am, I start to text him? WHY?!? I've never text him nor call him before- why did I begin that night? At the time it seemed like a harmless idea. Most of my friends are in the bed by 11 (when I'm just getting off of work) and I only knew of 2 people who would be up. Top Flight got a message from me that read, "What R U wearin?"

"Ur fave- handcuffs & boxers" I had to "LOL :)"  at that response.
"so whats up b/n me & u"
"whatcha mean? aint u married?"
"here we go again"
"u like me for real? i thought we were just playin"
"naw"
"and how long have u felt this way?"
"i've always liked u."

 Most cliche saying in the book- so why did I get a lil fuzzy when he said that? Damn dry spell. The next day I confided in the wise one- also known as Trina. What did she have to say about it?

"Is the wife white?"
"Yea"
"So?  Look, white women have been coming between black marriages and couples for years. Do it for the sistas."
"The sistas? Like Bernie? From Waiting to Exhale?" I'm looking at her a bit in confusion and wonderment.
"Exactly. Chelle, you know you ain't right, right?"
"It's something I've been told from time to time."

So fast forward to the next time he works my site (one week later) I called him in to help me pass out some reciepts. We're walking down the hall and he pulls me to the side and proceeds to kiss me- with tongue.

"Whoa! Where did that come from?" I asked him. I really wasn't expecting that- but that aggressiveness was a turn-ON.
"Same place this came from" and we're kissing AGAIN.

I gotta rethink this white boy boyfriend thing, because even though the kiss was nice- it would have been even nicer if I didn't have to taste his moustache. All my kissing techniques were developed and mastered with guys who have nice juicy lips. I mean- not like big soup coolers- but they were a nice size. This guy's top lip is so thin, he HAD to kiss with tongue. lmao. That wasn't nice Chelle.

Terry says I shouldn't do it, and he's speaking from personal experience. I know that, more than likely, things will not be taken to a sexual level. At least not a full on sexual level.

****UPDATED****


Dammit, Terry is right. It is harder to engage in an affair when you've put a face to the "wife" And I've put words together with the "wife" as well, thanks to a little invention called Facebook.  Chile, I am too through!