Thelma and Louise Strikes Again!

Playing on the car stereo: I'm a tiger in the bedroom ask your baby boo

Shara: I can't really see Gucci being ANYBODY'S tiger in ANYBODY'S bedroom.
Me: Get out of my head! I was JUST thinking the same thing!
Shara: I wonder what kind of animal WOULD he be?
Me: Probably Smokey the Bear.
Shara: Who's Smokey the Beal?
Me: You know, only you can prevent forest fires.

Busted!

Todd: Uh-oh, what's wrong Lala?
Me: Nothing, just here.
Todd: I know what's up. You got a midnight LOVA! (me thinking to myself: WHAA??? Who did I tell?) I know you get off of work, hop in that white dodge *****, thinkin' to yourself, "Shooot, I'm finna get me some. I'mma find me somethin to do in this boring ass city" (insert my silent giggle here) Be creepin home 4:45 in the morning (more like 5:13, but hey close enough) I know you La. You got one persona you use for church and work, but then you got your other persona, that's why I call you Lala from around the way.
Me: I have no idea what you're talkin about
Todd (giving me the nigga please look):Umm-Hmm. Just remember to get your rest before you come into work. (walks away laughing to himself)

Night of Quotables

   Tonight was best described as the most hilarious and disfunctional game night I've had in a while. Carmen, David, Jamie, and I played the new edition Monopoly with the electronic banker. FUN. I'll just do some highlights:

Jamie (picking up the boomerang piece): What the f*ck is this? A big dick? F*ck it- call me Big Dick PLAYAAAA!

Carmen (pointing to a tattoo on her upper arm): This is my ex fiancee. He passed away. I farted in his mouth

David: My motto is- In my world, the girl comes 3 or 4 times before I do.
Jamie: Well my motto is- if I can't knock the bottom, I'll bang the hell out of the sides

Jamie: I got it all planned out. I'm going to be fresh out the shower with water running from my chest pubes to my ball fro and she's gonna grab me by the weiner...because she wants me

   Gosh, I know there's more but I just can't remember. I'm a bit distracted, I had some Boone's Farm and Will is calling me now. SMH. I get a text from David- trying to get me to come back over there. Then Will texts me wanting to know what I'm doing and Steve texts me asking the same damn thing. I'm blogging this shit then I'm going to bed while watching King of the Hill. SHIT. I'm good for the night. I'm not replying or answering SHIT.

Loves and Likes Ya!

While At Work

Carmen: Don't nobody wanna be here. If I can find a way to sell some ass, I'd do it.

The Day After...

Me: U kno what I was thinkn? & i kno its hella random, but i wonder if we did karaoke to bia bia, would the crowd have gotten hype?
Shara: Yeah, that is random. Im not even gonna ask what made u think that. but i dunno, they mightve rocked wit it a lil

Hey Carmen,

Me:...You ever had sex with a white man before?
Carmen: Yeah. Can't do it no more.
Me: Why? How was it?
Carmen: It was alright. They have small ding dongs though.
Me: What?
Carmen: You like Vienna sausages?

LMAOOOOOOOOO. Boy Carmen has a way with words.

Loves and Likes Ya

"Actually, I Did Get The Blue Light Special...

Me: ...but they didn't give me a ticket. It was crazy too, because I wasn't even sporting cleavage.
Malachi: Man I bet you never had to pay for a ticket in your life. Just flash a cop a tig ol bittie and nigga- you straight. I can't do that shit. I can't flash shit but a smile.

I knew I needed some drinks in me because it's been a rough day. Someone has been hacking into my e-mail and then subsequently hacking into my facebook. The culprit I suspected, the ex- D, called me at work- telling me his problems like I'm Dr. Phil. Too many guests needing too much stuff. Add that to the fact that no one wants to hire me, I can't take as many classes as I want to this semester because they didn't approve me for financial aid, and I desperately need to move out my parent's place. I'm feeling a bit down. Agitated and snappy are responses that come quick. I fb chat with Sauce about the hacking and ask him to have a drink with me. He's all responsible and whatnot, stating that he has work in the morning. BLAH BLEH BLUH. I get off chat with him and my phone is singing, "I'm addicted to you..you're my addiction" MALACHI! Perfect timing or WHAT?! I need a distraction. We go to -where else?- Wild Wing and I buy the first 2 rounds. We're talking about religion, work, tattoos, and other stupid stuff. Just what I needed, pleasant company and strong drinks. :)

Loves and Likes Ya!=> and I may love you even more if buy the next round (;P)

Wrap It Up

Guest: Y'all have condoms here?

Me: Uh- that will be a no. But I do have saran wrap...

Too True

(While walking to the car)

Shara: It's been too long since I've gone out obviously, I was unaware that I had to wear a freakum dress and stilettos JUST to turn a head. I feel under-dressed, like I'm just shopping at K-Mart instead of going to a bar!

For Real?

(While chaperoning the youth group at laser tag)

Tahj: There's this girl at my school who's seriously 6'5" I asked her what she was into and she was like, "I'm a girly-girl" I tell her, "Na, you too tall to be all girly. You're dad should've put you in sports at an early age."

( : P)

Me: Whatcha doin?

Malachi: Damn homework

Me: LOL, me too! Shouldn't have waited til the last damn minute

Malachi:I feel u. But its like I work betta under pressure. But I know its a bad habit tho.

Me: Yea. It is. But I can't even talk cuz I just cranked out a 4 page paper in an hour and a half.
Malachi: Gotdamn lol
Me:Yea- ya girl got skills
Malachi: Word up. Mad skills
Me: I'll let u get back to ur hw tho so u can get those honor roll grades. lol
Malachi: U already kno ;)
Me: Oh BROTHER! Excuse me while I roll my eyes! lol
Malachi: Be careful before them shyts get stuck like that nigga :)
Me: Full of jokes
Malachi: Indeed

I'm Feeling Down...

(via text)

Me: ...Tell me a joke

Sauce: Three cats go into a bar, ask for catnip and the bartender gives them catnip.

Me: As LAME as the joke was- that actually made me smile! Thanks

Classic!

Anthony(co-worker): Lady just walk in front of me and let the door slam in my face. What she mad at me fo'? I ain't sleep wit' her.

*WOOOOOOOW* said in Flava Flav voice.

Oh Really?

Drunk White Male Guest: I wanna go out with a minority so I can get resident status

Me: Sorry, I'm Australian.

DWMG: What about the girl over there?

Joy (coworker): Sorry, I already go out with a minority. He's Asian.

DWMG: I bet I'm bigger than him

Me: Doubt it, they call him Dong for short.

DWMG: Well you know what they call me? Long Dong...

Me: LMAO!!!!

Where do these things come from?

Texting...

Terry: Hey boo! How are you today?
Me: Peachy keen! Painting at the church
Terry: Cool cool! Look at you!
Me: I kno right? Doing right so I can do wrong! smh
Terry: LOL! Its like a checking account! You have to deposit more than you withdraw! lol
Me: LMBO. Tru dat tru dat