Role Model Of The Year

So, I'm taking my cousin to the mall for back to school shopping. He's a junior, 17, and a cutie pie. We have serious talks all the time, mostly about sex because he has a lot of questions and I have a lot of honest answers. Well, I tell him to hold my wallet for me while I pump gas. I'm not thinking he's paying attention because he's on his cell with his girl. All of a sudden I hear,

"Aww shit. I know this isn't what the FUCK I think it is!?"

I turn my head and- dum dum DUM- he found the two condoms in the back pocket of my wallet. SMH. First off, let me tell you that my wallet is a leopard print sequined montrosity of a thing, so how he felt the condom is beyond me. Secondly, I was mildly embarassed, but not embarassed enough to say,

"Yea it's condoms. I hope you have one in your wallet too!"

To which he replied how he got straps on deck. The whole thing is funny as hell though. The condom was leftover from the night before- from an event I will rather not talk about, seeing as how it isn't the most righteous thing to do, even though it felt too damn good. Let a sista girl breathe for a minute....and...we're pressing play.

I'm sitting here getting admonished from this 17 year old boy because apparently it's the wrong type of condom to get since they break easily. WTF? It was the first time I ever bought condoms, and the only reason why I did buy that type was because the variety isn't there at a bootleg gas station at 2:35 am. I bought a 3 pack and didn't know what to do with the leftover condoms. He (the aggressor of the night before) couldn't use them because it would look very suspicious and I didn't know what to do- all I knew was SOMEBODY was gonna use them damn things!

After the cousin found the stash, I hid it in my glove compartment. Not in plain sight- please give me a little more credit than that- but buried in my file folder. Of course I used this situation to talk to cousin a little more about STD's and that kind of thing, but I know that it kinda threw him off seeing me with the condoms like that.

Loves and Likes Ya=> and I loves and likes my protection as well. Hope you do too!

Ultimate Teamwork FAIL

We've talked about my views on marriage. Just call me the eternal bachelorette until I find a guy who can make me change my mind. What about my parent's marriage? My mom and dad married when I was 3 or 4 and was divorced by the time I turned 6. They were young and dumb though. Mom being 17 when she had me, stuck in the most suburban town in Jersey, while dad was 18 and traveling with his band. My mom's next husband looked like a broke down version of Spike Lee. He had a jacked up ass attitude- like he didn't know that he looked a hot mess- and their relationship pretty much isolated my mom from the rest of the family. My mom's husband now- well you remember Lamont? She's realizing that she jumped into marriage prematurely and now she's just biding her time until she gets herself together.

My dad is married to a tyrant of a woman with a mixture of various personality disorders (unfortunately they are all undiagnosed but I bet dollars to donuts that one of them is bi-polar) that are all held hostage in a five foot two frame. Grandma Emilie calls her psycho and unstable, and that's saying a lot from a woman who gets along with EVERYBODY. Honestly, she's always been off to me since the first time I met her and she was yelling at her daughter, Shara, for not knowing where the scissors were. Yea. That kinda set the tone for the whole relationship. She's always yelling, like she doesn't know how else to express her feelings. She's one of those people who just get so excitable and feels as if she HAS to yell just to be heard.  My dad is an extremely laid-back and friendly person. As a matter of fact, the first time I ever heard him raise his voice was when he began his relationship with that crazy woman. You know what? Let's just call her Ms. Crazy from now on, because I like the way that sounds.

Somewhere along the line of this extremely dysfunctional relationship, she became more domineering and he became more dormant. Excuse the dramatics, but the guy I once knew with the confident swagger and vibrant attitude became more aloof and as a true daddy's girl, I can tell he was unsatisfied with his life. I mean, wouldn't you be as well when you're stuck working a job where you're constantly overlooked for promotion, while your wife is at home spending your money? Shit, I'll be pissed the hell off. Ike Turner. Isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership? A balance of give and take and always having each other's backs? Hunh. This team sucks ass. Lol. The man is working overtime 5 days a week and on the weekend he's supposed to...do everything that you should've been doing while you were at home? And what are you doing while you're at home? Are you cooking his dinner? Making his lunch? Trying to make your household a peaceful haven for him once he gets off work? No. You're half-assing dinner, talking down to him and not understanding why he's so tired when all he does is "sit down and answer phones all day" SMH. That sounds like a team of ME and not WE.

Enough with the background, this is what happened. When the family first moved into this house, they couldn't afford it. Like I said, she didn't have a job (which is confusing in itself because she had two of them bitches when the relationship first started, a sister girl gets a ring on her finger and all of a sudden it's "I'm not cut out for the work force. I need to be my own boss. Blah Blah Blah" Obviously she's the only one who doesn't seem to know that we're in a recession.) so they borrowed $1100 from me and $1300 from Shara and some more money from Grandma Emilie and some money from Ms. Crazy's aunt. Come to find out, the house had a sub-prime mortgage and thanks to Trina, I learned a little real estate lesson about mortgages and payments and somewhere along the line, the mortgage wasn't getting paid. I started noticing those threatening letters in the mail pile and Shara and I talked about it but we never thought it was serious since the parents didn't say anything to us. They were going around spending money like it was going out of style and going on trips with the church, so really it wasn't anything alarming. I knew they were actively seeking help with programs and the like so imagine my surprise when Ms. Crazy knocks on my bedroom door and says,

"Do you have someone you can stay with for a while? We lost the house."

It's still kinda early and everyone knows Chelle isn't much of a morning person, so my reaction was, "Yeah, I'm sure I can find somewhere." She goes on to say that we may not have a lot of time to pack so I should start rightaway and by the way, I should pray for my dad to become a "stronger man because his family shouldn't have to go through this"

WOW.

Did this chick just say.....??? What I THINK she said?!! Yeah, I'll pray for my dad to be a stronger man so he can tell her to get off her lazy, crazy ass and get a job! An hour or two later, Shara comes up to my room and of course she's telling me everything that her crazy mama is saying and how the drama unfolded. She tells me that when Ms. Crazy came back downstairs she told Shara that I must've thought she was playing because of my nonchalant reaction. I told Shara what Ms. Crazy said about me praying for my dad and Shara's shaking her head in disbelief.

Why try to place blame when they're both at fault? Dad for not standing up and telling his family that he needed help. And that's what hurts the most with all this. Shara and I are both employed and mature enough to know that things happen. Was it his pride that got in the way of asking us for help? Or did he believe that since his wife expected everything to be handed to her- we'll be the same way? It hurts y'all, if he did think that. And what about her, Ms. Crazy? She said she would always remind him to call the people with those house saving programs but he'll always say he will but won't and she couldn't talk to the people herself since her name wasn't on the mortgage. THAT'S her excuse? REALLY?!? If you saw that you were about to lose your house, would you accept that? I wouldn't! Instead of  making my hubby drive me around Charlotte and Gastonia to look for shoes and clothes to wear to church (0_o) I would gather up all the paperwork, dial the number, and hand that phone and paperwork to my husband so he can handle that business. I wouldn't have been asking for sponsored trips to Hilton Head and Charleston (Yes those were two separate events) and if I was him- I would've told her ass to stay home instead of spending money that they didn't have! Simple.

Luckily the housing issues were worked out and we have a nice house that we're renting. It was kinda sad to say goodbye to the house though, but things happen for a reason. I'm a firm believer of that notion. This event was the ultimate teamwork FAIL. Ballhogging, travelling, incomplete plays, fouls, the whole nine.  Hopefully they can learn from this experience. Either learn how to operate more as a team, or learn that this team may not be for them.

Mommy Dearest, I Am Pouring My Heart Out 2 U

Love my mama, always have, always will. But at times- I really can't stand that heffa. Lemme try to explain our relationship- without the sad violins, lol.  This is a VERY long post, seeing as I have a lot of things to get off my chest. Sorry, but until I find out if my benefits will cover therapy, you're just gonna have to ride it out with me.

Living with her for those 8 years, was the most unstable period of my life. We were constantly moving around, I was subjected to her JACKASS boyfriends (who, 95% of the time, were married or already had a main chick) but I never really said anything. I lived in my own little world with my barbies and books and hanging out with Tony. If it wasn't for Aunt Toni and Tony, I seriously don't know WHAT my childhood would've been like. It seemed like my mom was hell-bent on drinking and partying even though she had me and my younger sister Che', who has Down's Syndrome. When she realized that having both me and my sister was cutting down on her partying, she shipped me off to my father in Atlanta when I was 7.

I truly felt like an only child there. I mean, up north I was SURROUNDED by family! Everybody who saw me knew that I was "Lil MikeMike" and knew what the deal was if they tried to mess mith me or my family. In Georgia- it was just me, my dad, and his eternal fiancee Cookie. Cookie had a big family so I got to do things with them, but most of the time I was tagging along with my dad and Cookie. In and out of studios. If your parents got divorced when you were young, you know how it is. You long for the parent that you're not with. And that's what I did, spent time thinking about how different my life was. During the summer I went to visit my mom, but she had a plan of her own. I remembered thinking that something wasn't right. I wound up doing 3rd grade in Easton when I should've been back in Atlanta. I didn't realize that, technically, she kidnapped me. That would explain why in the middle of 3rd grade we moved to Virginia with my cousin. Eventually I got back to Atlanta, and after that incident I only went to Easton if Aunt Toni handled the arrangements.

But even after all that craziness, I still missed my momma and I wanted to be with her. She would disappear out of my life for months at a time, call and apologize, and promise me it will get better. And then disappear on me again. She had me TWISTED y'all. She will tell me all these things, things she wanted but she couldn't do, but had me believing every one of her exaggerated stories. I seriously thought that she would just swoop on in and get me again. Time and time and time again she just let me down. I got used to it and kept on trucking, thinking that I didn't really have any family on my side and I was just being. (I'm sorry, there goes those damn violins! Lemme get them to stop)

After high school, I decided to try and repair my relationship with my mom and go live with her, taking some classes at a community college. That was a RUDE awakening. She had me thinking that she lived in an apartment with a roomate. In all actuality, she was living in a shelter (a really nice one owned by nuns) with 2 other roomates and their kids. It was set up like a dorm. There were 3 rooms (each room had a small bathroom and 2 beds) 1 full bathroom, 1 computer/play room, a big living room/ dining room/ kitchen area. The nuns had curfews and rules and chile, it was a mess! I stayed there for a hot lil minute but I had to call Aunt Toni and tell her to come get me  (my mom doesn't have a license nor a car) . She told me I can house sit while her and her kids went on a cruise. While they did that, I happened upon a job opportunity. I continued staying with Aunt Toni once they came back, and I successfully ignored my mom's phone calls while trying to figure out the mess I got myself into. That all changed one morning when my mom stopped by Aunt Toni's one morning with Che'. She asked if I could watch my sister because she's being arrested on forgery charges and violating her probation. Yes, my mom went to prison y'all. I think it was only for a year though. I was too through! I felt sooo embarassed and didn't want to call my dad just so he can say "I told you so" But with my tail between my legs and my equilibrium thrown completely off, I went back. I didn't speak to my mother for like 2 years.

I just accepted her for what she is *rolling my eyes and shaking my head* a drama queen. So before I go up there, I always call Aunt Toni so she can tell me what's REALLY going on. Bless her heart, she want things to be picture perfect and she spends her time trying to portray herself as something she is not. I just get so tired of her lying to me. I went up there for Thanksgiving to spend time with her and Che'. Instead I had to deal with more lies and her manchild hubby. I got a chance to tell her how I felt about some of her decisions, but I know it's no good. She needs to change her mentality and be more receptive to other people's opinions. Whatever child. Let's just say that this therapy session is over. I got a damn headache now.

Loves and Likes Ya

4th Quarter: Final Stretch

Don't worry, I didn't forget about you guys! Between working non-stop and working on my paper, I didn't have much time to go into details. So here we go:

The day after Thanksgiving, we stayed in our jammies and headscarves, and acted like lazy cows. It gave Uncle Sherman the perfect opportunity to show off his 'man room' with the reclining leather chairs, flat screen hi-def tv, and surround sound speakers. We started off watching a Lifetime movie (which is usually forbidden in the 'man room') and to make up for the chick flick, we then watched Taking Pelham 123 (which was a GREAT movie) and Blood and Bone (another good movie with a YUMMY star)

Saturday was more productive. We went shopping and later that night Tony picked me up so I can go to the bar with him and his friends. Yea- ya girl got twisted. Tony is versatile like me- we can hang out with white or black people and have a good time. That night we went to a hole in a wall- pizza place in the front- sports bar in the back- place where I can count on one hand how many black people were in the severly packed building. Okay, I'm exaggerating. It was 6 black people. Not lying. They had a live band playing music that puts you in mind of those famous teen movies of the 90's. You know, kinda like pop/soft rock. I bought my normal bar drink- Malibu Sea Breeze (orange juice, cranberry, and Malibu rum) and in case you were wondering- my club drink is Sex on the Beach and my restaurant drink is Margarita or a Daiquiri.

So as I was sitting on a stool and sipping my 2nd drink, I couldn't help but to think about that Katt Williams Sketch.



Yea- I do have the most random thought pattern. So I befriended some people and my cousin, being the ultimate cock blocker he is, was watching my moves. Even while he was twisted off those Bud Lights. I was chatting with a guy by the bar while I was paying for my tab and I placed my hand on his back. Next thing I know, while my back was turned, Tony is approaching this guy and saying something to him. IDK chile. Tony is one year younger than me but he always act like he's my older brother. Even when I used to come to Easton for the summer during my high school years. I had to hang out with my cousin Lynette because Tony didn't want me hanging with his friends and if I was able to hang out with them, his friends wouldn't look twice at me (except for Twan *flutters eyelashes*) Later he told me that was because he told his friends off the gate to not even try it with me. Alas, I digress. He will NEVER change.

I wound up going back to Dover with my Grandma so she can take me to the train station the next day. So Monday morning she wakes me up at 7 in da morning so we can walk a couple of laps around her neighborhood. She may be my grandmother but that didn't stop me from looking at her like she was crazy and whining about not getting my beauty sleep. She told me to get my lazy ass up and put on something warm. So after putting on my sweats, shirt, hoodie, and accessorizing with a hat and eye boogers, we did 2 laps around the neighborhood and one lap around the lake. The final lap we made a detour to the Wawa. I HEART WAWA. Oh, how I love Wawa. I got a yummy breakfast sandwich and some butterscotch krimpets for the train ride.

My trip back home was filled with a lot of emotions. I didn't even tell you guys what happened between me and my mother. That's another post all in itself. But I'm glad to be back.

Loves and Likes Ya!

3rd Quarter: Eating Thanksgiving Dinner in Easton

Easton is a very small city in the Eastern Shore part of Maryland. I have a LOT of family there. So much that we (my cousins and I) have to compare family trees whenever we consider going out with somebody. Dead up- I've heard stories. I guess that's why my 17 yr old cousin only dates white girls but even that is suspect since my great-uncle is mixed.

Thanksgiving dinner was at my fave aunt's house- Aunt Toni. It was full of the Good, Bad, and Ugly.

THE GOOD:

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  Micheal's Sweet Potato Pie.
  
  
  
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  Aunt Toni's Mac N Chees and Stuffing.
  
  
  
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  My Mom's Deviled Eggs.
  
  
  
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  Me Making Amaretto Sours.
  
  
  
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  Everybody Pairing Up to Play Spades. (Me & Mom, Sherman & Lamont, Tony & DJ, Toni & Marcus)
  
  
  

THE BAD:

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  My Mom's Stupid Ass, Lazy Ass, Lame Ass New Husband (feelin the love, hunh?) Lamont
  
  
  
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  Ran Out Of Cocktail Mix- Had to Get Down and Mess With the Crown (The Official Liquor of Easton) *and i needed the liquor after dealing with lamont's dumb ass all damn day*
  
  
  
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  Lamont and the "Fake Wine" After my mom offers him a glass of wine, he asks if it's "real wine" The table got kind of quiet and Aunt Toni yells out- "What the fuck is fake wine?" and everybody starts to co-sign, saying "I was thinking the same thing!"
  
  
  

THE UGLY:

Miss Maggie. She was ugly with her attitude AND her tiger print outfit (but I'm sure she thought she looked GRRReat! lol)

Uncle Sherman's Intestines. I was lookin around for Eddie Murphy cuz at one time it felt like I was an extra on The Nutty Professor. And his farts are like- clear the room/nigga WHAT DID YOU EAT kind of farts!

DJ Goin In HARD on Lamont After His 5 Min Rant on Playing Spades. That was funny as SHIT! It all started cuz Tony and DJ were accusing me and my mom of sandbagging (excuse me if my spade game fell off. I haven't played since the last time I was over here- 2 years ago) Then Lamont, with his mentally handicapped ass, starts talkin bout- hell, what WAS he saying? Anyway, DJ (who is my cousin Tony's brother on his dad's side) drunk off that wine, just stops and says "What the fuck are you talking about? Nigga is just running off at the mouth for no reason dawg. Seriously whatthefuck..." and he proceeds to go in on him. Tony and Toni are just laughing and I'm trying to be Lil Miss Manners by holding it in, but fail when DJ just continues to get in that azzzzz.

Me Goin In On Lamont. Yeah- you read right. I went in for a quick minute. After me and my mom's defeat, Tony and DJ are playing with Lamont and Sherman. I forget what bought on the subject, but Tony and DJ are messing with Lamont about what his plans were with my mom when they leave for the night. Then he just talks out the side of his neck by responding, "Oh I don't have to wait until we get home, we can go out to the car and..." I'M SORRY The SistaGurl power came out in full force! "Excuse YOU but that is my MOTHER you're talking about! How about showing some respect for your WIFE" The table got kinda quiet until Sherman damn near broke his knuckles slamming down the big joker. Was Lamont tryin to show off in front of everybody? Tony & DJ are 22, Lamont is 29, I'm 23, and Sherman is married, if he was really bout his- he wouldn't have felt a need to respond to some childish jokes. Was I wrong? He was wrong!

That pretty much sums up the dinner. You know, typing this up and reliving the memories, makes me more mad at my mom. Her choices in men has always sucked ass and this one- he's shaping up to be a real prize! We're gonna have to have that talk- daughter to mother- and I'm doing it today, because this madness has to stop. I've been really supportive to her and very respectful, but now I'm just sick of biting my damn tongue all the time. I've always had a love/hate relationship with my mom, and now....man, I don't know. She's my mom and I'll always love her. Whateva. I'll tell y'all how it goes later.

Loves and Likes Ya

2nd Quarter: Down in Dover and Never Forgetting New Jersey

My Grandma is a BUSY BODY! Everyone who knows my Grandma will tell you the same thing. Love her DEARLY though. So her and her boyfriend (naw, it's not like that! She's been with homeboy for a couple of years. The only reason why she doesn't marry him is because "the nigga is broke and how do I look losing all my military benefits if it doesn't work out? I just pray for God to look upon us as a married couple" Gotta love her right?) meets me at the train station, and she's talking a mile-a-minute. If I were to type up the dialogue, it would consist of question marks (in which I would respond with a simple yes or no) and commas (for the run on sentences) That was fine though because I already knew what to expect and she was excited to get me up there by myself. So we chatted it up that night and I got settled in for the night because a sista gurl was tired. Hell, I was up at 6:30! Everybody knows that I don't get up before damn 10:00. That being said I was looking forward to sleeping in.

Haha. My Grandma always talk about how her boyfriend (Pop Bill we call him) hums all the time for no particular reason. I believe her exact words were "the nigga hums and I would understand if it was a tune but he does it all the time. Even when he EATS! What kind of INSANE person HUMS while they EAT?" I've heard him hum before- really thought nothing of it. But DAMMIT- when you're tryin to get that last lil bit of sleep (you know when you turn over for that last time) and all you hear is "HMM HMMMMM HM HMMM HMMMMM HM" it's kinda hard to go back to sleep- even if it is only 8 in the damn morning. So I thought- aww hell, I can't go back to sleep now. Might as well start this day. We- Grandma and I- have a very ambitious schedule ahead of us. First off, we'll be doing what we do best- shopping- then heading up to Jersey to visit my Mommy Jean and Aunt Ruth. Afterwards going to the casino to do some gambling. So I get a CUUUUUTE coat from Old Navy- gorgeous I tell ya and I have the perfect brown boots to wear with it- and a couple of shirts from different stores and the next book in my Stephanie Plum series so I can have something to read on the train back.

Now we're on the way to Jersey. From Dover, De to Willingboro,NJ- it's about an hour and a half. Riding in the car with Grandma, I can see where I get SOME of my driving habits. But one thing I don't do is push brakes on the highway- unless it's heavy traffic. Tell my why Grandma is whipping the new Honda Accord and won't let that baby coast? She looks down and she's like "Oh shit- I didn't know I was going that fast" and she hits the brakes a couple o' times to get the speed to the speed limit. If I was driving, it would've been a lil different. "Oh shit- I didn't know I was going that fast" *looks around to make sure coppers aren't around and continue to coast*  Before long we're in Willingboro, the city of my birth. *sighs* Lots of memories.... I moved from Willingboro to Columbus, GA when I was 4. Then from Columbus to Easton, MD  within a couple of months. Even though I moved from Willingboro at a young age- I remembered a lot of the landmarks and houses from visits at an older age. The last time I was there was probably when I was about 11? And i'm 23 now? Yeah. I remembered it being mostly suburban but now it looks kinda run down. Not like 'projects rundown' but a couple of vacant stores and lots, and some shops goin out of business.

But anywho, Mommy Jean is my grandmother on my mom's side and she still lives in the same house on Babcock Lane. She's a Jehovah Witness and has a very dry personality. We had lunch and watched Miss Congeniality (I don't care what you think- Sandra Bullock is my CHICK!) and talked about the family and before long it was time for me to go. I didn't get to see Aunt Ruth because she was working- bummer- but we went back to Dover to the casino and I won a whopping $27. Personally, I don't get gambling. I'm sorry but I can't see sitting there for hours- not even 30 minutes- putting money into machines and not getting a damn thing out of it. I want to SEE where my money is going. Hot fudge sundae, lipgloss, a fresh wash n set, manicure, clothes- I can see and other people can see where that money is going. My goodness.  But I had a good time nonetheless.  Next up on the 3rd Quarter iss Eating Thanksgiving Dinner in Easton

Loves and Likes Ya

First Quarter: Catching the Train outta Charlotte

I woke up late- like 45 mins late! It felt like the scene from Home Alone. You know the one- where homegirl wakes up and she's all like "WE OVERSLEPT!" and cue the fast music and people running around fast forwarded. Well that's how it was for me. I got there with like 15/20 minutes to spare but not early enough to get my 2 big ass, heavy ass bags checked on my train. Instead, they were put on the next train that wasn't scheduled to arrive until 7pm the next day *aargh* but I didn't care all that much. I was just glad to be on that train. Besides, having my bags delayed meant I get to go shopping! Not that I need a reason too, but anywhooo....

The person who was sitting next to was cool. She was a middle aged woman heading to Philly and had to work once she got off the train. BUMMER. I got cozied in with my book (Dirty Red by Vickie Stringer. VEEEERY good read btw) my water and my iPod and I was good to go. Somewhere, I think it was Concord, we picked up some people who sat in front of us. An old white couple. This dude just lets his seat back without checking with anyone, and crushes homegirl's kneecaps! She's all Philly like-right?- so she bassed up on him like "You gonna have to let this seat up, I have arthritis in my knees." then she looks at me like "You believe this honkey?" I gave her a look back "Well, YOU know..."  With me sitting on the aisle, and her having to get up for smoke breaks and to walk out her joints, we traded seats. Because we all know that I'm a lazy ass and I don't have to get up to walk nor work NOTHING out!

I finish the rest of Dirty Red and starts on the sequel, Still Dirty (another veeeery good book!) and decided I should eat lunch. I munched on my Jersey Mike's Sub and Cheddar flavored Pringles and afterwards I opened the computer up and decided to play a couple of games since I couldn't get on the internet (duh, right?) Well ol'buddy, I guess, notices that we switched seats. He lets his seat back ALL ON MY LAPTOP! WTF?? I try to get his attention and tap on his shoulder but he's acting like he ain't heard or felt nothing. I should've bassed up on him like homegirl but noooo, I had to use manners. I finally get his attention and he lets the seat back up (sonovabitch) and I play all the downloaded games on the PC. I watch Katt Williams The Pimp Chronicles. I finish reading Still Dirty (I KNOW the author is working on the 3rd one- the way how the book ended...) I snack on a lemon pie and drink another bottle of water. I listen to the Pod and watched some videos on there. I am BORED. Outta my mind. Darryl is cracking up because he's sending me texts and all my responses are filled with CAPITALIZED LETTERS and !!!!!!!!.  and all his responses are LOL and LMAO. Tried to go to sleep, because I'm like the knockout queen, but I coudn't on that damn train. The most I slept was like 20 mins tops. Yeah. I got there though and got to see my grandma's smiling face. Feels like home already....

Stay in tune for the 2nd quarter: Down in Dover and Never Forgetting New Jersey

Loves and Likes Ya