What Do You Do...???

So, we all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses. And y'all, I'm talking about sexually. My strength? Definitely giving head. Weakness? Riding. I admit it, I can get a lil lazy after a while. And while I can still count my number of sexual partners on one hand- wait a minute while I verify the validity of the statement...WHEW! Barely made it! lol- I can remember their specific strengths and weaknesses. C: With him being my first, all I remember thinking was how big it was. His strength? Giving emotional support after popping the cherry. His weakness? Hot ass breath! lol. I just remember it being hot on the back of my neck for like- no reason! Lemme stop y'all. Ok, next- Wright. I can still swoon about the night he seduced me because it played out like the perfect romantic movie. Thunderstorm- check. Home cooked meal- check. Movie- check. Slow, lingering kisses- check. Slow sexy music and candles- check. Removing my belt buckle with his teeth- HOT DAMN! Strength: His moves, more moves than Chris Brown in his "Take You Down" video. Weakness: He only focused on HIS pleasure. Then there was D, whose strength was eating like he hasn't been fed in YEARS! Whoooo. *My legs just turned into jelly reminiscing* But his weakness was his insecurity, always wanting to know how he did like he's at the Olympics waiting for a scorecard. Chile, PUHLEEZE. Sauce is a savage and that's his strength. I guess it's because from the get-go we knew that we weren't there to "make love" bump that. We were just straight up F*CKIN and he behaved in that manner. LOVE IT, although the fact that I do love it makes me a bit worried that I may be a bit turned on by S&M???  And even though I love the roughness he applies with every stroke, I do NOT appreciate that roughness when he begins to sample the goods. *And now my legs just clinched together in memory* I mean, I appreciate his enthusiasm because it's always good to see a guy who enjoys licking the plate, but dammit if he ain't tryin to bite the plate too! It almost feels like a female circumcision or something. With Malachi it's a little too soon to tell what his strength or weakness may be but something tells me I'm gonna have fun finding out! I mean, the outside thing was exciting and thrilling enough really.

Honestly, the purpose of this post is this: What do you do when your sexual partner doesn't know their weakness? Do you tell them or do you be evasive whenever the subject comes up? Sis and I were debating this earlier tonight when I was telling her about Sauce. So of course we came up with a little list of techniques I can use if need be:

Me: Keep his mouth occupied with other things-=> naughty wink

Sis: Play dead=> Said because the clenching of the thighs and the faces made can be misconstrued for pleasure instead of terror

Me: Pop his head whenever it begins to wander down to the treasure box=> I reckon if you do it enough, it'll be like a Pavlov effect. Ya smack him enough and he'll won't be able to go down without flashbacks

Sis: Feed him so he won't be hungry => And by this she means real food! Girl loves food. Lol

Me: Tell him, "Look- I know they say Pain is Pleasure but DAMMIT do you have to tear my shits out? Is you THAT hungry baby?" 

And we busted out in a fit of giggles.

Loves and Likes Ya! =>No matter what your strengths and weaknesses may be!

Being Prepared for Business: The Post Formerly Known As- Are Black People Less Prepared For The Business World Than White People?

So I told you about JoyKILL? Well, I've been observing her habits and mannerisms (since I'm stuck with the broad once a week and I have to relieve her twice a week) And I began to wonder...Are we (black people) less prepared for the business world than white people?

Joy is actually Hispanic, but doesn't look it. Her first name is Consuella but she goes by Joy to eliminate any discrimination. She once said she can speak Spanish fluently- but she can't tell anyone. She loves office supplies, carries around a day planner in which she diligently writes reminders for appointments and keeps track of her hours, she once confessed that she spent days agonizing over her signature because her mother told her it was important...blah blah blah, sorry, I have the tendency to just tune her out after a while.

I just kinda looked at these characteristics as...well, trying to keep it nice, as little things that make Joy so "special" but after my interviews with that other hotel, I had some more time to think. I'm not quite sure where I acquired my skills for job interviews and workplace conduct. I'm thinking it was school, but not once do I remember my parents sitting me down and giving me tips for a successful interview and how to succeed in the business world. I mean, the only thing I can remember is my Dad drilling the need to be on time into my head, but that's about it. Trina talks all the time about appearances when it comes to professionalism.  She fussed at her daughter when she dyed her dreads some bright red and got her lip pierced and got a tattoo on her wrist. Her exact words to her child was: "What kind of job are you expecting to have besides McDonald's?"  I've never had that talk about professionalism with my parents either. Probably because on the outside I'm kinda boring. No flashy clothing, I prefer to keep it classy, and the most drastic thing I've ever done with my hair was when I got highlights. Imagine my horror when the deep mahogany color the stylist mixed became a bright red once applied on my head. The more I washed it though, the more the color came out, leaving it a pretty nice color:

When I first came to work, with the bright red color, I got a lot of compliments. My general manager, wanting to see what the hoopla was, came out of her office and though she tried, couldn't conceal the initial shock. She covered it up by smiling and saying, "That's very different on you." I expressed to her that the color turned out to be waaay brighter than what I intended and I saw her facial muscles begin to relax as she realized that I didn't do it on purpose. Trina told me the color was nice and although she didn't approve when Shay wanted the same color, my demeanor was able to carry the color without it appearing too "ghetto"  

Doubletree didn't seem to have the same opinion however, and asked if I minded dying my hair a more "natural" color if I were hired for the job. My feelings weren't hurt because, once again, the color wasn't really what I wanted anyway. But the more I started looking at my hair, I realized that wasn't a damn thing wrong with it. By the time I went on that interview, it was the color of the above picture, which wasn't that crazy. I did get hired and kept the "If they don't say nothing- I ain't gon' say nothing" policy. Worked fine, considering I resigned from the position anyway. 9 damn 50. Are they hitting the pipe?

And maybe there is a gross generalization with my title, maybe it's just that MY PARENTS weren't actively preparing me for the business world, but looking at some of my coworkers, it does make me wonder if they had any preparation themselves. I mean, just look at Christine. So the more I type, the more I realize that this post, well the original title isn't all that. I do wonder if good judgment and good upbringing replace the lessons that should be taught when it comes to the business world? Maybe that's why my parents never really mentioned anything. I have a good head on my shoulders and, for the most part, my parents see that so maybe that's why they didn't deem it necessary? *shrugs shoulders* What do you think?

Loves and Likes Ya

How You Can Lose A Friend

This topic had been on my mind since I wrote y'all about me and Anjail cyberstalking E.G.F. (BTW: They checked out of the hotel at the end of February and are in LA now, getting their contracts and things in order. I wish them soo much luck!) I'm pretty sure y'all ain't on stalker status, but remember when I told y'all sbout me being snowed in and how something else happened? Well this is it, and it took me a hot lil minute to think of what I should call it but after a conversation with my Grandma, I decided to name it How You Can Lose A Friend- seeing as how APPROPRIATE it is.

My girl Shay. *shakes head and sighs* Is in love. Not that "Will and Jada" love. More like that "Jody and Yvette" love. Well hell- not even that. She's in that "stupid love" where all logical reasoning goes out the window. We're talking about a girl who has sooo much common sense coupled with a good amount of book smarts. And she just can't let it go. THAT kind of love? I just can't want y'all.

She's been with this guy for like 5 or 6 years. She's the father of her only son, who's 4. His career isn't all the way legal, but he's kept up a lifestyle that she's grown accustomed to. He's good looking- can be sexy if you like the tall dread-head look. Eh- he ain't got enough meat on his bones for me though. But he's a ho y'all. Like STRAIGHT UP. He has at least 3 kids outside of their relationship. He's cheated on her with numerous friends and cousins and...there's suspicion that he also cheated on her with her twin sister. I'll pause while you digest that tidbit.

So, on the phone with Grandma- she asked me how her other granddaughter was doing. At that time she (Shay) was going through some things with the boyfriend and I told Grandma about it. That's when she told me:

"I know her relationship is bad, but don't you say anything about it. You listen when she talks to you- but don't give her any advice. The quickest way to lose a girlfriend is talking about her relationship, because at the end- you guys won't be talking but she'll still be with that no-good man."

Sad but true. I've never really said anything about her relationship anyways because I know she gets it enough from our honorary mother Trina. But soo many emotions go through me when she tells me about the next thing he did. It's like I'm mad at him, mad at her, sad for her...chile *rolls eyes* She's a good person and she continues to let this guy walk over her time and time and time again. I don't get it. Maybe because I've never been in love. Or maybe because I've never seen any female in my family be stupid in love like that. Either way, it's not a good look.

So now she's moved out from the house. Got her own lil place and getting her Miss Independent on. I was proud of her. At first. Then I found out that she told him he has 6 months to get his stuff together. REALLY?!?!? He's had 6 YEARS to get his shit together. The guy is pushin 30. If he ain't worked it out by now? It ain't gonna get worked out boo-boo! Leopards don't change their spots and he ain't gon' change his cheating ways. Now how can I tell her all of that and still keep our friendship? Yea, thought so!

Loves and Likes Ya

...and Eating Leftovers

Part II

 

And in continuation...

 

There is something almost COMFORTING about going back to an ex. Is it because we have a history? They already know about my SEVERE MOOD SWINGS personality? I already know about their habits? Or is it because of sheer laziness? I dunno, all I know is that I have a bad habit of eating my leftovers.

 

I mean, they do say that leftovers are always better the next day (something about how the sauce and seasonings get to marinate *shrugs shoulders*) Now -and pardon me if I get a bit metaphorical, just ride with me on this- let's say Nana put the smackdown on some spaghetti, made a big pot of it and you know how Nana's are "Here baby, take you some more home. Here, I got some aluminum foil in the bottom right cabinet."  So you take home your bowl. The next day you eat it- you notice how well seasoned everything is and you love it. The third day you have it- you're trying to spice it up a little bit- add some pepperjack cheese to it- idk, SOMETHING. 4th day you're sick and tired of it and you go out for Chinese. No matter what you do- it's still spaghetti

 

Going back out with you ex is like that scenario I just mentioned. And I'm telling this to you from experience- not from my ghetto pschology notebook. D and I broke up previously because of communication issues. Almost a year later, we tried at it again- much to the chagrin of some friends and most family members. So at first it was okay, smooth sailing, I was trying my best and he was trying his best. Then the insecurities came back (his, not mine) and the issues of spending time with one another came back (me basically ignoring him at times)  Then came the communication issues (he couldn't tell me what was on his mind and couldn't understand me) Then hell, I got tired of it all. No matter how I dressed it up- we're still the same ol' people before that we are now.

What brought this subject about was my sudden friendship with my other ex, Sauce. I mean, him and I have always been in contact with one another but usually it's like a text here and there. Every since New Year's, we've actually been hanging out. B-ball games, out to eat, movies or just chillin at his spot. (No hands, but I don't know how much that'll last) And my sister, upon hearing this, hit me with the side eye and "mmm hmmm" (gotta love her!) She thinks I'm looking back in the fridge for more leftovers since I'm low on pocketchange and can't go out to eat. (If that metaphor lost you, let that be read as: She thinks I'm gonna hook up with him since my current database for guys is pretty non-existent, leaving me to settle for him. Exercize that brain muscle- sheesh!) Well she doesn't have to worry about me because I'm getting my weight up and I got ALOT some possibilities!

PLACES WHERE I CAN FIND MY NEXT PIECE OF MANCANDY:

• I DO go to school. And there's something about a man getting an education that makes him sooo sexxxy.
•  
• Gas Station- At least you know he has a car
•  
• Late Night Walmart Shopping Trip. I don't know how it is where you stay, but here in Charlotte- at the Super Wal-Mart off S. Tryon- the stockers are CUTIES! I don't frown my face up at a Wal-Mart employee either. Hell, a job is a job is a job is a JOB. I'll take those benefits.
•  
• Work. While my friends were out in their freakum dresses this past weekend getting numbers, I was in a striped dress shirt with a navy blue sweater pullover and khakis. I got 3 numbers and at least 5 invitations to go up to someone's room. *Sometimes it hurts to be a girl with a conscience and SOME morals*

ANY MORE SUGGESTIONS?

Loves and Likes Ya!

No Good!

So my bestie Terry calls me. We've been friends since junior year of high school when we both bonded over the fact that we were different from other "IB Kids" (In case you don't know what IB is- it stands for International Baccalaurate and is basically a step up from AP courses) So anyways, Terry is gay (oops, I just outed him) and he always fell for the straight guys. I'm talkin bout straight-up straight guys. Because of this, I'm not surprised to hear:

"Chelle, help. I fell in love with a straight guy"

Terry and I can go weeks and months between talking to each other (He's bad about calling people and returning phone calls, and I'm 10x worse! Ask anyone) But I knew the guy he was talking about. Why? Because when he first told me that him and home-boy hung out (Terry isn't what you would call a flamer. He's one of those kinds that you may suspect but don't want to say anything just in case you're wrong) he told me about how funny, smart, and cute he was but he doesn't feel anything for him which is good since he's straight. I told him he didn't feel anything yet, but he wasn't tryna hear that. But here we are. Me, on the bed, one hand holding the phone and the other petting Kaycee. And him, outside in the cold, walking his dog and venting his feelings.

Why do we want things we can't (or shouldn't) have? It makes no sense the kind of torture we subject ourselves to. And I can't talk about Terry because boy have I been there! Thomas, Jay, Austin, Chris- nan one of em good for anything but ONE thing. Every one of them had me on the phone with Terry like:

"He's a no good jiggaboo. Why am I wasting my time? Tell me I'm wasting my time!"

Lol. Sad but true. Is it time for a list??

Things To Do To Occupy Your Mind So You Won't Think Of The Guy Who Is No Good For You:

1. 
   
   Reading a Book (one with a lot of drama)
   
   
   
2. 
   
   Watching a Lifetime Movie Marathon ( make sure its the movies where the men are the bad guys. to remind you that you can't want that)
   
   
   
3. 
   
   Shopping (trying on clothes and shoes can lift anyone's spirit)
   
   
   
4. 
   
   Hanging Out With Friends (preferbly a friend who has more man issues than you)
   
   
   
5. 
   
   Sleeping (what can I say? i love to sleep!)
   
   
   

On My Ghetto Dr. Phil Sh*t!

You know what? This industry got us women all twisted. Through images on screens and paper- they're basically saying that you're only pretty if you're fair skinned with long hair and a lean frame. God made us all different- like it was quoted on one my fave scenes in my fave movie "Norbit" Oh you don't know what part I'm talking about? Lucky for you- I can quote it word from word:

Kate: Well, I believe that God made us all different

Rasputia: Unh-unh, I am a Christian, and I'm not finna sit here and let you blame it on God. He didn't push that plate away- YOU DID!

LMAO! I can't help it- that was a funny movie! Anywho, what bought this on is my coworker Carmen. She has low self esteem issues because she used to weigh 98 pounds and now- well let's just say she's not 98 pounds anymore. And she says she doesn't let her boyfriend see her naked. What? And they've been together for HOW LONG? Like at least 2 years I believe. And you mean to tell me that she doesn't let him preview the goods? Get outta here. It's true!

Of course I tried to talk some sense into her. If her boyfriend has been together for this long than obviously he loves her for everything she is. That includes love handles and all. Guys don't like an insecure woman, and if they do- then those guys are the kind you need to run away from. I try telling her all this but she isn't listening. She's so ashamed of her body that she admits that they don't have sex often. I just shook my head and told her that what she's doing is a big no-no.

 Times are hard for a girl. Whatever YOU won't do- another bitch will. So basically you're sending your boyfriend into the jungle with a pack of hamburger meat strapped on his back everytime y'all don't have sex. I'm not saying that sex is important- but it is a way that couples communicate and communication is key in a relationship. If you're nervous about getting naked in front of your man, why not try wearing a nice see-through lace nightie? Hell, I got one at Ross for like 9 bucks. Take a nice bubble bath, shave, massage some good smelling lotion into your skin,slip on the lace nightie, and see if you don't feel sexy. You'll feel sexy and he'll pick up on those vibes you're giving out, guaranteeing y'all a good time.

I told it to her just like that and I think she might try it. It's hard to say for certain though. Why am I always giving girls this kind of advice? A couple of weeks ago I was talking some shit with Shay, Trina, and another coworker Netta. She's the same coworker who dissed Shay for a booty call. We were talking about sex. How Trina is married and practically running away from her husband so he won't climb all over her. And how I was needing just one good night with someone and Shay high-fived that one. We were talking about going to the adult toy superstore for some goodies and Netta had the nerve to wrinkle up her face. Say what? She wrinkled her face! And looked at us like we were crazy! I had to say something.

Why you lookin like that? Ain't nothin wrong with getting a couple of stuff to spice things up.

She just shook her head.This chick has been with her significant other for, I think, 6 years. Don't things get boring? By the time 6 years roll around- haven't you seen the bottom of the bag of tricks and washed it out twice? C'mon now, let's keep it real, because that face she made may be one of the reasons why she cheats on her hubby on the REGULAR. Ladies can't leave it up to the guys all the time. We gotta show up and show out to prove our point. Now here she is cheatin on her booski when all it would take is a couple of trips to the toy store, and a very creative imagination, to make her feel like it's the first time again...and again and again and again! lol.  Oh Trina, Shay and I were telling her about different toys she should try out and how helpful the people are who run the store. The whole time she's shaking her head in disbelief. That's ok though, we're draggin her ass to the store. Is it time to make a shopping list?

TOYS TO SPICE THINGS UP:

• FUZZY HANDCUFFS- Soft so it won't irritate the wrists and/or ankles
• WHIPS- There's the kind with the multiple strands (for the couples really into S&M) or the kind with a small piece of leather at the end (a riding crop for the playful couple) I'm heavy handed so I'll get the riding crop
• EDIBLE CREAMS/JELLIES/PAINTS- You can play tongue hopscotch on your partner's body! How fun
• THINGS TO INCREASE SENSITIVITY AND PLEASURE- We're talking about condoms with ridges, bumps, and grooves. Creams that make you cream. Toys you can slide on the "love stick" or a finger and it can take you to paradise. Hey- my teachers always told me that I played well with others! lol

Loves and Likes Ya!