My Wild Wing Night PT III

I WAS prepared this time! At least mentally. I'm sorry, but I refuse to bust out the ho clothes just for Wild Wing. Carmen came out with the heels and leopard leggings, black t-shirt knotted on the side, and the black wig back up in the clip. Unfortunately, she started the party early- with beer and raspberry vodka. While she's in the car, she's pouring the rest of the vodka into a small Sprite bottle. I sip on some mixed with lemonade and Sprite. We make it to Wild Wing without any distractions. As soon as we get inside- I see some guests from the hotel. DAMN. Can't show our ass tonight. We see Michelle at the bar and we all hug and whatnot. Carmen asks for a cup of ice and a cup of sprite so she can pour her vodka into it. I point out the guests sitting in the booth and Carmen being Carmen, goes to the booth and sits down and proceeds to flirt with them. About a minute later she's calling me over and saying "What drink do you want? They're gonna buy it"

I'm shaking my head because as a general rule- I do not like to socialize with guests outside of the property. And that rule was made for a good reason. Maybe one day I'll blog about the horny Nigerian who kept asking me questions like "What's your favorite sexual position?" and "Are you fucking your boyfriend tonight?" or I could blog about the guy who was old enough to be my dad and started off sending misspelled texts, upgraded to naked pics, and graduated to jerking off on the phone while repeatedly saying my name as my stepmom threatens him. I had to change the number after that. Yeah. Can't wanna do it. But I'm sliding in the booth between the two guys as I'm sipping on my margarita and all seems to be well. Or so I thought.

I'm not quite sure WHEN I realized that I was a bit effed up- buuuutt I was. And Carmen was worse. I think I realized I was tore up when I got up to go to the bathroom and I swayed a little TOO hard to the left. I realized Carmen was drunk off her ass when she unintentionally flashed the guests her boob when showing them her tattoo. And I'm not talking about a quick nip-slip either. The tit was out in full view like she didn't feel a breeze. I'm like- "CARMEN!" and the guests are getting a bit nervous. (Did I forget to mention that they were middle aged white guys? This incident was probably a bit too much for them) I saw the awkward glances passed between the 3 of them and I say, "I think you may need to go to the bathroom." And with the help of the guests, I haul her drunk ass out of the booth and we  both wobble to the restroom.

While we're in the bathroom, all I could think about was- "I'm hella fucked up and I'm the one driving. I need to get sober fast." You wanna know how messed up I was- not as bad as Carmen, but bad enough to suggest us going outside sooooo......what? I can get fresh air and be immediately sober? SMH. Dumb. As. Hell. We sit down and who comes up to us? My boyfriend from the other night- Malachi. Looking yummy, nevermind the beer goggles. He says to Carmen, "Damn- you fucked up, I hope you're not driving." and I laugh as she tells him that she rode with me. He then turns to me and say "Ain't shit funny- you fucked up too- AND you're the one driving?" "I know," I reply and think again- how am I going to get sober? We all go inside and sit at the bar with Michelle, and Marci (white chick in design school) has joined us. Carmen took to molesting a boy that looked like he got in the place with a fake id. Malachi is sitting beside me at the bar, telling me to drink water, and ordering a glass for me. Carmen is sitting on the other side of me- saying, "Oooo Chelle! He got a BIG DICK! Feel this!" I'm running off at the mouth. Details are a bit fuzzy. I know I say something about how young the boy looked. And I definitely remembered taking pictures. I remember talking to Malachi about something and for some reason we took the conversation outside. Again- details are fuzzy but I'm 99.9% sure I was saying something inappropriate to him. Liquid courage. I DEFINITELY remember feeling him up. *sighs at memory. shakes head at being such a slutpuppy* If only I could be as brave as I pretend to be sometimes. Did we kiss? I honestly don't think so. I think. I wanna say no- maybe we came close?

But we went back inside, I think because by then the water was taking its toll on me and some dude in a tall white tee -ok, so I see some people just CAN'T let that trend go!- starts flirting with me, sending me googly eyes and whatnot. I smile back. I'm a flirt. Don't be brand new, lol. I see Michelle and Marci in the bathroom.

Michelle says, "Just how much did Carmen drink?"

 I tell her, "I dunno. She started drinking before I picked her up."

Marci says, "She told me that I need to sit down because I was taking all the black guys."

Wooow. I can't remember, but I think I laughed out loud on that one.

"She's drunk off her ass. She doesn't know what she's saying" I tell her.

 Meanwhile I'm thinking- She's only telling the truth. Jeez Louise! Liquid courage gets 'em all the time. We go back to the bar to find Carmen done bulldozed her way to the karaoke stage on some poor girl's set, dancing in the background. WOW. Hilarious. Guy at the bar is still making googly eyes. I'm on my 3rd cup of water and am going to the bathroom every 5 minutes. Everytime I go, I feel a LOT better. Seems to be something to that whole water thing after all. Eh- learn something new everyday.

Wild Wing is starting to close and Michelle suggests we all go to Waffle house and have Malachi drive us. I thought I was gonna sit in the front seat- because I had devious plans- but Michelle nipped that in the bud when she hopped her ass in the front. What is it about the grease that seem to just cure whatever hangover effects you may have? Carmen is steady trying to order some porkchop dinner and the cook is steady tryna tell her that they're out of porkchops. I wind up telling him-" Look, she's drunk as hell. Don't pay attention to her- just give her a patty melt." I don't really remember WHAT we talked about at the table. I think most of the time we were laughing at Carmen's drunk ass- who was quietly tearing up that patty melt. He drops us back off at the Wild Wing and wait- do I hear him trying to get Michelle's number who's- by the way- clearly on the hunt for some dick? And excuse me if that sounded a bit catty but I knew what was up when she hopped in the seat and when she slid in beside him at the booth in the Waffle House. And here comes Carmen with the liquid courage- "You dirty. How you gonna ask for her number when you tryin to holla at my girl? Thats dirty yo." Michelle tries to laugh it off and she gets out the car. Carmen and I get out and get in my car. Malachi gets out of his car and makes his way toward me when Michelle pulls up in her car to talk about....what? A bunch of nothing. I start laughing at Carmen when she says- "What does this ho want? Besides some black dick? Greedy ass white girls." Really, it's nothing new to me. After all- most of my friends, at one point, were white. She left after 2 minutes and after rolling down the windows so Carmen can have some air circulating, I join Malachi outside. We chat about some things and I'm on my way. Got home safe and Malachi and I talk some more on the phone. I think that maybe I'm going to forgo going to the Wild Wing. Don't wanna make it old- which it's already starting to be- but it is a good start to getting Lola on out there some. I'm young and I'm single, I think I need to start acting like it!

Loves and Likes Ya!

Why Marriage May Not Be For Me

   I know I didn't really touch on it much on Wild Wing Night Pt II but Antoine? Yeah. There was a minute when we were talking and he was just straight up staring at my girls. This was after the initial hello, and before the invite to Onyx. While I was sitting at the bar and talking with other people, I noticed his behivior. Flirting casually with Marci and some other white chicks. I gave him a little smile to let him know that I'm not the kind of girl to go running my mouth about other people's business like that. (I just write a blog about other people's business that anybody in the world can read. Yep. SMH) So on the way back from the restroom, he kinda corners me and that's when I mentioned that the idea of Onyx was bouncing around. He says-

"You know what happens at the Wild Wing, STAYS at the Wild Wing"
"Ain't nobody stuntin you boy!"
"Just sayin. You lookin good tonight. Got the girls out saying hello,"

SN: On the real, I am BLESSED so the girls are pretty much ALWAYS saying hello. They just happened to be saying it a little louder that night! lol. Still, I find myself self-consciously pulling my tank top up.

"Unh-unh. Don't do that, you have them out for a reason."

And he licks his lips. Officially turning me on and simultaneously turning me off at the same time.

Marriage. Especially when you're young. I dunno, it doesn't seem like the GREATEST idea in the book to me. Hell, I can barely keep interested in a boyfriend, I REALLY can't see myself with a husband. After working at the hotel for 4 years, I've seen it all. Married guys checking in with the band on their hand, wife calls by 9, guy is out hitting the bars by 10, comes back with random girl by 2. And let's not forget about Top Flight, who stills text and flirts with me on the regular. You know what though? I see the relationship that Barack and Michelle have, Will and Jada, and it does give me some kinda hope for the future. It's like you can look at them and see that not only are they husband and wife, but they're best friends as well. That's a relationship with a strong foundation. And I do believe that friendship is the best foundation for a relationship. Hell, I can get turned on by looking at someone with long thick fingers, but will we be friends?

I want to know what happened to taking the time to get to know somebody? You can't possibly learn everything you need to know about a person by a couple of talks on the phone and a couple of awkward dates! Shit takes time, I likes to take my time before approaching a new relationship. Imma need you (the guy) to stop worrying about being put in the "friend zone" just because I'm taking it slower than what you're used to. Just know that if you WERE put in the friend zone- you were gonna be put there regardless of the time it took.

Loves and Likes Ya

My Wild Wing Night PT II

Around 8pm last Wednesday I get a text from Michelle.

"Hey girl. U comin 2 WW tonight?"
"Def. I'm bringin my coworker Carmen. U'll luv her. She's cool"
"K! C ya later"

I've been waiting to tear up that stage on Karaoke night. The only reason why I didn't go last time was because I had my uniform on and I didn't need EVERYONE knowing my business. Carmen's been wanting to go out with me for a while now so I figured that this would be the perfect opportunity.

First of all- I wasn't prepared for Carmen. We work together and I've given her rides before, we talk, I was aware that she's outgoing and a bit out there. But I was NOT prepared for her walking out her apartment with 4 inch gladiator-style platform heels, distressed leggings with big holes, loose t-shirt with sequined print, bright red lips and a jet black wig she had up in a hair clip. Now, I'm wearing a sheer emerald green tunic with a lacy tank top underneath, dark denim skinny jeans, and black flats. NOT PREPARED! So we get to the Wild Wing to meet up with Michelle. At least that was the game plan. Right when we got up to the place these 3 FINE (wait- do people still say fine? Don't care- they were swexy) On first look it was 3 black guys and one dude that looked white but could pass for something else. Did I tell you that Carmen is Puerto Rican and from New York? Well she is. They stoppin us (mainly Carmen cuz I look like a plain burger compared to her Whopper.) and they're like "Yo- it's lame in there. Ain't shit poppin. Y'all should come with us." I'm keepin quiet and Carmen is doing all the talking. I'm enjoying every minute of it cuz homegirl is working it. Turns out ol' buddy is Puerto Rican as well and the rest of us is subjected to yells of "BORICUA!" followed by rapid spanish. Me and one of the guys just kinda look at each other like- ohhkay. He introduces himself to me as Malachi and my knees slightly buckled because me and my sis has ALWAYS found that name sexy. And he looks the part too. Nice milk chocolate skin, fade close cut with this snazzy sideburn/ beard that he had goin on. Melon colored shirt, dark gray hooded vest with a melon/gray/light blue designed tie. Dark denim jeans- Damn I didn't check out the shoes- I'm slippin y'all! LOL. But he looks good and smells better. Greg- aka Boricua- is workin Carmen, trying to persuade her to come to the spot. We go, with Greg ridin in my backseat with Carmen and I. All I could think about was- I am NOT prepared at ALL!

The spot is called My Place and it's this hole in the wall pool hall that I've passed many times and never really paid attention to. It's all of 15 people in there and heads automatically turn when we walk in. Definite confidence booster but honestly there was only two other chicks in the spot and they were both preoccupied. I got a PeachBeach and scoped out the scene. Guys in a corner table playing dominos. 2 pool tables full of guys playing. Group of guys by the bar. Couple of guys by the jukebox. It wasn't bad. So Carmen and I chat it up with our boyfriends for the night, take a bunch of suggestive pics- more Carmen than me- and talk to some of our "boyfriends" friends. One of which was a lesbian chick nicknamed Korona. Homegirl was straight staring at my chest! Like we were all talking about how it is up north. Korona, Carmen, and Malachi being from NY, Greg from Jersey, Me born in Jersey- raised in Maryland. Korona stops mid sentence and says "You workin that green ma," and goes back to how bummy the people can be down here. Ok. I took another sip of my drink. Somehow the focus comes back to me and Korona is asking me questions, Carmen is interjecting here and there. We all wind up exchanging numbers and head back to Wild Wing since Carmen is craving a jello shot. Our boyfriends said they'll meet us there and we're on our way.

Michelle is all like- "Where the FUCK ya been? It's fuckin 1 o' clock!" So I tell her about what happened, she looks at the pics, I introduce her to Carmen, and I order a $3 margarita. We all talk and Michelle introduces us to her friend Ashley- who looks like a sloppy drunk white girl- and some other chick named Marci. Marci sits in front of me and Carmen and talks about how she just moved here from Virginia and got accepted into the Art Institute of Charlotte for design and she's having a hard time making friends since most black girls don't like her because she likes black guys. Go figures. I spot my friend Antoine and I say hi. He's not really that close of a friend. He's actually the husband of one of D's friends. I've been over their house a couple of times and I run into him in random places- Food Lion, Bi-Lo, Texaco, and now Wild Wing. He's a cutie but his wife ain't beyond smackin a chick so I say hi, do some small talk and keep it movin. He introduces us (Carmen and I) to his friend Bo, and turns and leaves before he can get into anymore trouble. At this time, our boyfriends come strolling in and attention is on them. Michelle's talking about hitting up the strip club, Onyx, since they don't close til 5am. We're all down to ride. I invite Antoine, halfway interested to see how far he's gonna go, he politely declines and continues to sip on his beer. It was all tame until Ashley decides to thrust herself upon Greg and Malachi. I saw the look in Malachi's eyes so I called him over to me, and he thanked me for the distraction by giving me a big hug and a kiss (YOWZERS!) Made me wish my morals were a tad bit looser. A couple of minutes we're joined by Greg and announces that he has to leave. He feels dirty because apparently on the way to the bathroom, Ashley couldn't resist his sexy body and proceeded to assualt him. Eeew. We round everyone up to see who's going to Onyx and we leave the Wild Wing. But not without Carmen hitting on the bouncer.

"How many holes you got in them pants?"
"I don't know, you wanna count them? I know I got 2 holes that work!"

Couldn't do anything but shake my head and say Carmen. We're on the road and I look in my rearview mirror. There's 5 CARS FOLLOWING US! And all I can think was- I was NOT prepared a DAMN BIT! When we get to Onyx, the security guards are already clearing the parking lot seeing as how Onyx closes at 3 on Wednesdays. Michelle and Ashley say their goodbyes (I think Michelle was on the hunt for some dick- quite honestly) I dunno WHERE Marci went. or the other cars. All I know is that Me, Carmen, and Malachi hit up the Waffle House. We sit, eat, talk shit (Yeah, Malachi tells us how his boy James- one of the black dudes Marci was talkin to- was scheming on her. Wanting to go over her place, get some ass, then take her money. Damn Shame. She REALLY needs some friends to let her know whats good) and say our goodbyes. At the end of the night I have so many new numbers in my phone and so many random texts that I didn't know WHAT was what. All I know is that everyone was wondering if we're gonna do the same thing next week. Hells YEAH!

Loves and Likes Ya!

One More Chance?

Ced calls me today to ask if I would like to hang out and go to Dave and Busters. I guess. But if he says something about history work or computer work then I'm jumping in my car and cutting all ties. AND hands are keeping to themselves, because he obviously can't handle AAAAAALLLLLL of dis! Lol ; p

loves and likes ya!

p.s. I typed all this from my el cheapo phone, not that bad eh?

My Wild Wing Night PT I

    One Wednesday night after work, probably about 2 or 3 weeks ago, I was in need of a drink. I contemplated buying a bottle of wine and downing it in the comfort of my room while watching a marathon of The Nanny, but decided that I should stop at a bar or something. I was driving to get gas and hot damn- the Wild Wing Cafe was on and POPPIN on a Wednesday night! So I went in on a whim and had a seat at the bar- work uniform still on and everything. It was karaoke night and I walked in on someone doing karoake to "Go DJ" by Lil Wayne. I buy my Malibu SeaBreeze and enjoy the scene. I finish my drink and think about ordering another one when this guy sitting beside me offers to buy me one. Now you know I don't turn down anybody's free drink so, "Are you sure? Thank you so much!"  Flash Colgate smile.

   We make some small talk and out the corner of my eye I see this white guy with this cheesy -ass- Cosby- style-sweater on and strawberry blond short curly hair. He's waving to me like he...knows me? Chile, I don't know that guy but I wish you could've seen the way he waved. *lmao at the memory* so he makes his way beside me and I learn that his name is Jeremy and he works at Microsoft down the street from my job. He buys me my 3rd drink. He brings me to where he was sitting before, and introduces me to one of the coolest white chicks named Michelle and her friend- Tyrone? Tyreek? Travis? I dunno, somebody was doing karoake to- what's that song? With Lionel Richie and Diana Ross? Right on the tip of my tongue-ENDLESS LOVE! Thanks for the help. So Michelle buys a round of Royal Flush shots. YUMMY! We (Michelle and I) exchange numbers so we can hang out sometime. We talk about tattoos and piercings and Jeremy and I was talking about work. Jeremy buys everyone another round of Royal Flush shots. Michelle is calling me a pussy for not buying what she's drinking - Purple Haze- and at first taste it reminds me of a grape Jolly Rancher. So I stop being a pussy and buy one. BIG mistake. It wasn't until I got my short ass off that bar stool and started to weeble a bit that I realized- pause- maybe THAT'S why they call it Purple Haze! lol. I made it home- I live only 5 mins away- stumbled up the steps and passed out on my bed. GREAT NIGHT! I get a text the next day from Michelle asking if I'll come back next week- Hells Yeah!

Loves and Likes IT!

Smacking on Sushi

I know it's been a hot lil minute but I've got some posts brewing on the back burners, just have to get off my lazy ASS and develop the ideas. Today, however, we're going to talk about my lunch date with Mr. Man- aka Ced.

He invited me to have lunch with him at this all you can eat sushi place. He bragged about it and hassled me about it (he asked me like fitty-leven times if I ate sushi. Yes) So I said sure, I mean, I did say (to myself) that we can be friends and friends do lunch. So we say 11:30. His time management skills are worse than mine so I leave my house at 11:30 when he calls and says he stuck in traffic. I get there sooner than expected and he's still stuck in traffic. He doesn't meet me until almost an HOUR later! UGH. So we walk in the place and he's showing off his limited Japanese we sit down and then we get up to get some grub. He makes it back to the table before I do and gave me a short lesson on how to use my chopsticks (cuz the only way I use chopsticks is in my hair- you remember that don't you? With the little studs on top? Girl STOP! Couldn't tell me NOTHING!) Back to the subject.

He's doing some more of his bootleg Japanese on the waitress. Yes, I am aware that you were stationed in Japan, please don't be a dick and try to show off. So I'm working it out with the chopsticks and he's smacking. While eating sushi? That's one of my pet peeves. Top of the list most definitely. How do you smack while eating SUSHI?! Anyways, we're making light conversation, ("I can't believe you like sushi" "Why? You've only asked me like a hundred times." "I just wanted to make sure. Make sure you weren't lying." "And I would lie about eating sushi because...?" And hush mouth.) And he says, "We're the only black people in here." I dunno. Something about that statement rubbed me the wrong way, even though it sounds like something I would say any other day. But I say, "Well, there's at least 5 other black people here so it's not that bad." Then the ignorance continues to pour out his mouth.

"Why is it that you think black people don't eat sushi?" And I give him one of my trademarked looks but that doesn't stop him. "Do you think it's because of ignorance? Or they're too afraid to try it?"

And he's still smacking while he's asking me this. I'm wishing I can just walk away and chalk this experience up to life but he's staring me down and he's actually expecting me to...answer?

"Umm. I dunno. I don't think it's ignorance. Sometimes people don't feel a need to try new things or may not have the chance or opportunity to try something new. I would've never tried it if my ex didn't take me to try it. Not that I was afraid to, I just never thought about it like that."

And I spend the rest of the lunch drinking water and eating sushi. Glad when it was over. Obviously I'm gonna have to rethink this friend thing! Shara says he was probably trying to impress me and was so nervous that he didn't know what to say. But then I told her how when the bill came up he asked if I wanted to go half on it. I'm not a goldigger. On the contrary, I am very understanding about financial matters. However, HE invited ME for lunch so I was under the impression he was paying. This is the 2nd time he did something like this to me. Shara says that was a no-no and I should just cut him loose. I pretty much did that when I paid for my half and left a tip.

Loves and Likes Ya

Oh Really?

Drunk White Male Guest: I wanna go out with a minority so I can get resident status

Me: Sorry, I'm Australian.

DWMG: What about the girl over there?

Joy (coworker): Sorry, I already go out with a minority. He's Asian.

DWMG: I bet I'm bigger than him

Me: Doubt it, they call him Dong for short.

DWMG: Well you know what they call me? Long Dong...

Me: LMAO!!!!

Where do these things come from?