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Friday, January 29, 2010

HOLD DA PHONE!

I was on the phone with my ex Darryl, strolling around the Wal-Mart for a late night shopping spree. So I'm wandering around the book section (knowing damn well I have no business over there) and HOLD DA G.D. PHONE! "CARL WEBER HAS A NEW BOOK OUT!!!!"

"Who?" DJ is asking me. He was sayin somethin (damn what was he talkin bout?) and was clearly taken aback by my outburst. Just like the homegirl browsing books was as well.
"OMIGOSH! I though it was coming out in FEBRUARY! Do I get it?"
"You don't need it"
"I really don't. I got like 7 books at home I have yet to attacked. But it's CARL WEBER. Ooooo, it's the sequel to Something On The Side, I have to get it now. No I don't. Yes I do. Put it down."
Sorry. I picked it up. Had to. So now I'm reading it and it may be a while before I blog you something proper, ok? OK! Thanks for being understanding.

Loves and Likes ya

Monday, January 25, 2010

Stereotypical Fling

So there's this security guard at my job. He's a cute lil white boy, a lil too thin for my initial liking, but cute nonetheless. I'm always joking with my friends that my next boyfriend is going to be white but he's married y'all! Now, Ms. Chelle don't want to break up any happy homes. I mean, that was more of my mom's kind of thing- not mine. So instead I decided to engage in some harmless flirting with him and he happily flirted back.

Now this has been going on for a looooooong time. He started working at other job sites for a while but eventually came back to my job. We hugged and I asked where he's been and all that jazz. T-Dub was in the house and he told ( I'm going to give him a nickname- Top Flight) Top Flight that I had a white boyfriend the other weekend. (I'll blog about that later- maybe. It was kinda risque and I would hate to dim your opinion of me) Once T-Dub left, Top Flight asked me why I was cheating on him.

"Excuse ME?"
"You heard me, you got another white boyfriend? I see how you do,"
"Umm, number 1: He lives in Detroit, so I doubt I'll see him again. Number 2: You're married- it ain't none of your damn business. Nothing's gonna happen, I don't break up happy homes"
"It ain't a happy home" Tell that to the next chick, I said to myself.


We're still flirting, sexual innuendos flying back and forth, and before I know it- it's time for me to go home. We say our farewells and thats that. Tell my why (and to my girl K, you don't even have to feel bad because I didn't even take my own advice) after feeling restless around 2 am, I start to text him? WHY?!? I've never text him nor call him before- why did I begin that night? At the time it seemed like a harmless idea. Most of my friends are in the bed by 11 (when I'm just getting off of work) and I only knew of 2 people who would be up. Top Flight got a message from me that read, "What R U wearin?"
"Ur fave- handcuffs & boxers" I had to "LOL :)"  at that response.
"so whats up b/n me & u"
"whatcha mean? aint u married?"
"here we go again"
"u like me for real? i thought we were just playin"
"naw"
"and how long have u felt this way?"
"i've always liked u."
 Most cliche saying in the book- so why did I get a lil fuzzy when he said that? Damn dry spell. The next day I confided in the wise one- also known as Trina. What did she have to say about it?
"Is the wife white?"
"Yea"
"So?  Look, white women have been coming between black marriages and couples for years. Do it for the sistas."
"The sistas? Like Bernie? From Waiting to Exhale?" I'm looking at her a bit in confusion and wonderment.
"Exactly. Chelle, you know you ain't right, right?"
"It's something I've been told from time to time."
So fast forward to the next time he works my site (one week later) I called him in to help me pass out some reciepts. We're walking down the hall and he pulls me to the side and proceeds to kiss me- with tongue.

"Whoa! Where did that come from?" I asked him. I really wasn't expecting that- but that aggressiveness was a turn-ON.
"Same place this came from" and we're kissing AGAIN.
I gotta rethink this white boy boyfriend thing, because even though the kiss was nice- it would have been even nicer if I didn't have to taste his moustache. All my kissing techniques were developed and mastered with guys who have nice juicy lips. I mean- not like big soup coolers- but they were a nice size. This guy's top lip is so thin, he HAD to kiss with tongue. lmao. That wasn't nice Chelle.

Terry says I shouldn't do it, and he's speaking from personal experience. I know that, more than likely, things will not be taken to a sexual level. At least not a full on sexual level.

****UPDATED****


Dammit, Terry is right. It is harder to engage in an affair when you've put a face to the "wife" And I've put words together with the "wife" as well, thanks to a little invention called Facebook.  Chile, I am too through!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I'm Sorry

It really doesn't make any damn sense how much I have slacked off from my blogging duties. I'm like MEGA lazy lately and being a Procrastinating Patty. Don't worry, I'll do right by you. lol. New post coming tomorrow!

Loves and Likes Ya!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

No Good!

So my bestie Terry calls me. We've been friends since junior year of high school when we both bonded over the fact that we were different from other "IB Kids" (In case you don't know what IB is- it stands for International Baccalaurate and is basically a step up from AP courses) So anyways, Terry is gay (oops, I just outed him) and he always fell for the straight guys. I'm talkin bout straight-up straight guys. Because of this, I'm not surprised to hear:

"Chelle, help. I fell in love with a straight guy"
Terry and I can go weeks and months between talking to each other (He's bad about calling people and returning phone calls, and I'm 10x worse! Ask anyone) But I knew the guy he was talking about. Why? Because when he first told me that him and home-boy hung out (Terry isn't what you would call a flamer. He's one of those kinds that you may suspect but don't want to say anything just in case you're wrong) he told me about how funny, smart, and cute he was but he doesn't feel anything for him which is good since he's straight. I told him he didn't feel anything yet, but he wasn't tryna hear that. But here we are. Me, on the bed, one hand holding the phone and the other petting Kaycee. And him, outside in the cold, walking his dog and venting his feelings.

Why do we want things we can't (or shouldn't) have? It makes no sense the kind of torture we subject ourselves to. And I can't talk about Terry because boy have I been there! Thomas, Jay, Austin, Chris- nan one of em good for anything but ONE thing. Every one of them had me on the phone with Terry like:
"He's a no good jiggaboo. Why am I wasting my time? Tell me I'm wasting my time!"

Lol. Sad but true. Is it time for a list??

Things To Do To Occupy Your Mind So You Won't Think Of The Guy Who Is No Good For You:

  1. Reading a Book (one with a lot of drama)


  2. Watching a Lifetime Movie Marathon ( make sure its the movies where the men are the bad guys. to remind you that you can't want that)


  3. Shopping (trying on clothes and shoes can lift anyone's spirit)


  4. Hanging Out With Friends (preferbly a friend who has more man issues than you)


  5. Sleeping (what can I say? i love to sleep!)

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

This Is Who We Look Up To In 2009? Really?

It's just a bit unsettling for me to see grown ass women emulating the style of Barbie. As a girl who grew up with a Barbie Dream House, Pool House, Corvette, Jeep, Minivan, and I can go on, I understand the fascination with Barbies. I understand- the bitch has everything and can do anything in stilettos. But so does Kimora Lee Simmons, who insisted on being enterprising instead of just a piece of arm candy for her wildly successful husband. Seriously, have you SEEN her CLOSET? I mean, I'm not tryna knock a chick's hustle because I got a couple of her songs on the Pod, must Nicki Minaj call herself a harajuku barbie? 

And what's with this fascination of Marilyn Monroe? I'm not quite understanding that either. Not when we have stars like Dorothy Dandridge- who had more obstacles to overcome than Marilyn and she was the 3rd African American to be nominated for an Academy Award. Or Lena Horne, Diahann Carroll, Billie Holiday, hell Eartha Kitt! We have so many beautiful, talented, glamorous black women we can look up to- why Marilyn? How about the role models of today? Why are these girls trying to be Nicki? That's what's wrong with these kids nowadays? Lemme stop- cuz I can go on about this- trust me!

Loves and Likes Ya

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Everybody is Prejudiced?

It's true. I mean, I think I've always done a good job of hiding my prejudices, but working at the hotel reeeaaallly brings it out tenfold. So what brings this topic about? Well remember how I told you that we got robbed? Of course Yolanda doesn't feel comfortable working at night. I mean- the guy flashed a gun at her while the great room was filled with guests, so can you imagine how she would feel working alone while everyone is in their bed? She put up a brave front but the managers were acting like they didn't know why she felt nervous. Yea, they're real assjacks. So Trina is tellin her that she needs to milk the company as much as she can- paid time off and use this as an opportunity to get the day shifts she always wanted. Yolanda does all that and in the middle of negotiations about her day shifts, Trina and Darlene talk. Basically Darlene was talkin out the side of her neck (like always) and Trina had to set her straight (thats my girl!) and told her that if it would've happened to Mel or Leslie, than she wouldn't be reacting this way. Darlene says she's not prejudiced and Trina straight up told her- "Yes you are. Everyone is prejudiced"

 
That was deep. Everyone is prejudiced. Whether its sex, age, race, or social classes, everyone is prejudiced. We already have preconceived notions of other people in our minds and we're constantly encouraging people to prove those notions true. When a walk-in comes to my front desk, the first question I have to ask myself is: Do I think this person will uphold the reputation of this hotel? That question alone is prejudiced. In a world full of gummi bears and lollipops, anybody who walks through the that hotel door with money, should be able to get a room. In reality, if you look suspicious (let that be read as: young/black or pwt/don't enunciate your words/colorful clothes or raggedy clothes with an odor) you're liable to be told that we're sold out or the price will get jacked up by 75% (we're not taking any chances) At first, when they told me to do that, I was a bit flabbergasted. Now, I practice it almost every weekend. Yea I'm prejudiced, because if a cute guy comes up to the desk, he's gettin that room! lol

 
This list WILL offend someone. Sorry

 
THINGS I KNOW FROM WORKING AT A HOTEL
this stuff is true like 62% of the time!

 
  • Old people and Middle Eastern Indians WILL haggle you about the prices. This is a give in. Old people will ask for AAA on top of AARP on top of Military. Indians will ask about special rates for Priority Club, or any other affialition.
  • Black people WILL ask for a "hook-up" They see a sista girl behind the desk and they want to pretend like we play cousins so they can use my discount? For Real? And will YOU be making my car payments, insurance, and cell phone bills? Didn't think so. You ain't THAT damn cute.
  • Middle aged white people are bothersome. This is a broad generalization that works for me 50% of the time. Oh they whine. They whine so much that I have to check my name tag to make sure it doesn't say babysitter!
  • White people don't listen! They don't. It's like talking to a brick wall. And if they pretend to listen, which is a courtesy they offer occasionally, they're thinking how to prove you wrong. You can't tell me that I'm not telling you the truth! ALL 4 out of the 5 white people I work with do this on the daily.
  • Young people WILL party. No matter what they tell you. Some people will come to the room and bottles (and kitties) will be popped. I don't care all that much- as long as they pass the bottle! :p

There's more but I can't quite think of it now. What are you're prejudices?

Loves and Likes Ya

Monday, December 7, 2009

Things That Are Greater Than (or equal to) Good Sex

I know my posts have been a bit....drab, so let's have some fun! I was chatting to the sis during a commercial break of Gossip Girl (because talking during Gossip Girl is FORBIDDEN. I have properly trained all friends and family- including the dog- to not disturb me during the show) I got an electric blanket that is pure HEAVEN. I told her that having that blanket is almost better than sex. She laughed. So here we go:

THINGS THAT ARE GREATER THAN OR EQUAL TO=> GOOD SEX

My Electric Blanket: Nice and Toasty
Pralines & Cream Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins: YUMMY
A Steamy Book Written By Risque, Mary B Morrison, and/or Zane: They go into such detail that you feel like it's you she's writing about. And as a bonus- they're really creative so it definitely gives you some ideas
Finding Good Deals on Clothes and/or Shoes: 'Nuff said
Good Food: The Flying Biscuit or Steele Creek Cafe has some good, homemade comfort food.

I'll probably be using these things more than I care to. I have a lot of things I need to do and I can't afford any distractions like a nice hard body with a talented tongue and an extra stiff *ahem* What are some things that you believe are greater than or equal to good sex?

Loves and Likes Ya!