Sooooo...Uhhhhh...Yea....

That pretty much sums it up. No it doesn't. Y'all, I gotta vent.

So yesterday I had a study session with C. Do NOT roll your eyes or suck your teeth! We had a MAJOR exam today and when I say that boy needs help- well- the boy needs help. I honestly try to help him but he seems to have ADD or something and has a hard time focusing. I spend half the time chewing his behind out for not paying attention. I told him that if he doesn't start paying attention and actually doing what I tell him to do- then I'm not gonna waste anymore of my time by helping him. I don't care HOW cute the damn boy is. Remember- I walk that talk!

Anyways- so after about the 3rd ass-chewing of the night, I decide to let him take a break. I was still studying though- did you not read that it was a major exam? I'm sayin! So during his break- he's all like, "How's your sister, how's your dog, when am I going to meet her?" and I'm all like "She's good, she's good, I dunno- she doesn't really like guys" and so he's like- "What do you mean she doesn't really like guys?" and I'm like, "I dunno, the only guys she likes is my dad and my papa. Any other guy she just barks at the whole time." And he's like- "I'm talkin bout your sister. Not your dog." And that's so sweet that he wants to meet my sister. Especially since she already threatened me about him. What did she say?

"Now my party is coming up You didn't run off Ced did you, cuz I don't need you to be by yourself Its gonna be me and Seth, Sean and Kisha, Mimi and Jonathon, and I don't need you and Justin (Seth's younger brother who is too cute to be single) to be the 5th and 6th wheel like y'all always are (and we ALWAYS are) So whatever weird twisted thing you got goin on with Sauce gotta stop because I want it to be you and Ced."

Yes I am aware that there wasn't any punctuation in that paragraph, but that was how she told it to me, no pauses and no time for objections that she knew was coming.  So him commenting about my sister was kinda eerie. But honestly he is a stand-up kind of guy. Yeah he's nosey as hell and can get worked up about things- but all in all, he's cool. But y'all...smh, there's something else.

It happened again!

I mean, at least this time he tried to make it last by keeping distracted with other things, but if he can't last that long when I'm just giving him head- how's it gonna be when (or IF) we have sex? Is he gonna get up and excuse himself when it's starting to feel good? And if that's the case- how am I supposed to get MY jollies off?

Maybe it's just me?

Because- and I'm not even saying this to sound cocky- but I've been told that my head game is quite serious, but my ex D was able to keep his cool. Sauce doesn't do a bad job either. I can think of 2 other guys who busted kinda quick- but their quick wasn't as quick as Ced's.

I know that sex isn't everything in a relationship but IT IS TO ME! it is an important factor. I mean, we're all looking for that homie/lover/friend. So will it be wrong if Ced is the homie/friend while Sauce is the lover? Too much y'all- too much

Loves and Likes Ya

Texting...

Terry: Hey boo! How are you today?
Me: Peachy keen! Painting at the church
Terry: Cool cool! Look at you!
Me: I kno right? Doing right so I can do wrong! smh
Terry: LOL! Its like a checking account! You have to deposit more than you withdraw! lol
Me: LMBO. Tru dat tru dat

"How Many Times Have You Seen This?"

He asks me as he whips out his platinum status Priority Club Card. It took all my power not to roll my eyes. But I couldn't hold back my snarky remark,

"All the time, that's not anything new."

Which is true since just that day we have 4 other platinum members checking in out of the 12 arrivals.
Status- be it professional or WHATEVA- and material things do NOT impress me. Those things can be gone in a blink of an eye. My favorite bible verse? (and excuse me for getting all sanctified and whatnot but this is a great quote that can be applied to everyday life by Christians and Non-Christians.)

2 Corinthians 4:18- So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

WHA??? You cant tell me that aint deep!

Loves and Likes Ya

"Yo- You're A Christian?"

   Wooooow! I knew he was kidding because I've told him about my going to church, but it still stung a little bit. Because my days off pretty much always fall on Sunday and Monday, I spend Sunday morning at church praying about the sins I'm about to commit Sunday night and maybe Monday. SMH. It's a damn shame. Being raised in the church with strong religious values, I've always been a little conflicted. I have accepted Christ as my Savior. I know right from wrong. Where my problem lies is the fact that I'm a very sexual being. I tried praying but it doesn't work as well.

I'm pretty good about resisting temptation. How I do that is remove myself from any situation that I know will lead me to be alone with an attractive male. (J/K, Gosh- I'm not THAT horny!) but you know what kind of situations I'm talking about- late night (well, it doesn't have to be late nights) an intimate group of friends (well, it doesn't have to be that intimate) maybe a couple of drinks (well, drinks may or may not be involved) Scratch that- I have to remove myself from any situation that I know will lead me to be alone with an attractive male. Case in point- Ol' buddy with the study session.

I was doing just fine with my celibacy. I haven't had any since the day after Christmas and I wasn't sliding down any banisters so I think all was good. HOWEVER- ol' buddy woken up SOMETHING someone inside of me that hasn't been out in a while. HELLO LOLA!

With the arrival of Lola, came the beginnings of my spiritual battle. How can I be up in church, and not just up in church- but pretty INVOLVED in the church, and act like this heathen? At one point I was holding on to my virginity with an iron-clad grip that my ex hated me for. I was 19 and still figuring out my direction in life. I don't know when it was that I realized, "Uh Chelle- you're still calling yourself a virgin but you're doing everything but having vaginal intercourse. Fantastic." And another thing my ex hated me for. Needless to say- my ex didn't pop the cherry, instead it was this guy I worked with and only knew for about 2 weeks? Yeah- no idea where my head was. Again- I was 19.

I'm off subject. Lola got introduced to the ex. The ex who hated my iron-clad grip and "Don't put it in" sayings. The ex I've been hanging out with lately. Yeah. Dammit my sister was right. But not in the "relationship" capacity because I don't need that drama- remember, I still have goals to achieve- but in the stereotypical "FB" capacity that seems to haunt so many ex-relationships. I mean, it seems perfect! I have a monkey on my back that needs to get the hell off (yes that pun was intended) and he's the perfect guy. Real laid back- doesn't seem to be prone to stalker status (cuz YOU KNOW *heh heh heh*. Lemme stop chile) and we're already familar with one another so no awkward moments. And yeah- it was him that said that slick comment in the title of this post. Gotta love him though.

So I'm talking to my sister Monday during our dinner date and I ask her if she ever feel guilty about having premarital sex, especially since we seem to be getting so involved with our church and church family lately.

"What like DURING sex?"
"Not really, just like anytime. Do you ever think, 'This is wrong?'"
"I mean, it's more like a fleeting thought but it's much much MUCH later. Depends on how good he put it down. I may not be in my right mind yet!"

I felt her on that one. Because Sunday night with the ex was....DAMN. Everytime I think about it, I just shake my head and blush. Yeah- it was like that. Makes me kinda glad that I didn't go to church that morning.

Loves and Likes Ya

Priceless

At breakfast I tell Trina and Shay what happened between me and C.

Trina: Sorry to hear that. You want me to call Robert for you?

Me: I can't wanna do that! I still got goals to achieve...

Shay: She don't need to get doped up by tha dick

...and Eating Leftovers

Part II

 

And in continuation...

 

There is something almost COMFORTING about going back to an ex. Is it because we have a history? They already know about my SEVERE MOOD SWINGS personality? I already know about their habits? Or is it because of sheer laziness? I dunno, all I know is that I have a bad habit of eating my leftovers.

 

I mean, they do say that leftovers are always better the next day (something about how the sauce and seasonings get to marinate *shrugs shoulders*) Now -and pardon me if I get a bit metaphorical, just ride with me on this- let's say Nana put the smackdown on some spaghetti, made a big pot of it and you know how Nana's are "Here baby, take you some more home. Here, I got some aluminum foil in the bottom right cabinet."  So you take home your bowl. The next day you eat it- you notice how well seasoned everything is and you love it. The third day you have it- you're trying to spice it up a little bit- add some pepperjack cheese to it- idk, SOMETHING. 4th day you're sick and tired of it and you go out for Chinese. No matter what you do- it's still spaghetti

 

Going back out with you ex is like that scenario I just mentioned. And I'm telling this to you from experience- not from my ghetto pschology notebook. D and I broke up previously because of communication issues. Almost a year later, we tried at it again- much to the chagrin of some friends and most family members. So at first it was okay, smooth sailing, I was trying my best and he was trying his best. Then the insecurities came back (his, not mine) and the issues of spending time with one another came back (me basically ignoring him at times)  Then came the communication issues (he couldn't tell me what was on his mind and couldn't understand me) Then hell, I got tired of it all. No matter how I dressed it up- we're still the same ol' people before that we are now.

What brought this subject about was my sudden friendship with my other ex, Sauce. I mean, him and I have always been in contact with one another but usually it's like a text here and there. Every since New Year's, we've actually been hanging out. B-ball games, out to eat, movies or just chillin at his spot. (No hands, but I don't know how much that'll last) And my sister, upon hearing this, hit me with the side eye and "mmm hmmm" (gotta love her!) She thinks I'm looking back in the fridge for more leftovers since I'm low on pocketchange and can't go out to eat. (If that metaphor lost you, let that be read as: She thinks I'm gonna hook up with him since my current database for guys is pretty non-existent, leaving me to settle for him. Exercize that brain muscle- sheesh!) Well she doesn't have to worry about me because I'm getting my weight up and I got ALOT some possibilities!

PLACES WHERE I CAN FIND MY NEXT PIECE OF MANCANDY:

• I DO go to school. And there's something about a man getting an education that makes him sooo sexxxy.
•  
• Gas Station- At least you know he has a car
•  
• Late Night Walmart Shopping Trip. I don't know how it is where you stay, but here in Charlotte- at the Super Wal-Mart off S. Tryon- the stockers are CUTIES! I don't frown my face up at a Wal-Mart employee either. Hell, a job is a job is a job is a JOB. I'll take those benefits.
•  
• Work. While my friends were out in their freakum dresses this past weekend getting numbers, I was in a striped dress shirt with a navy blue sweater pullover and khakis. I got 3 numbers and at least 5 invitations to go up to someone's room. *Sometimes it hurts to be a girl with a conscience and SOME morals*

ANY MORE SUGGESTIONS?

Loves and Likes Ya!

Sexually Intimidated?

**WARNING: POST IS RAUNCHY Y'ALL!*

Sorry to interrupt the flow of  "The One That Got Away and Eating Leftovers" but I had to blog a quickie- and the pun is used in every sense of the word.

I was eventually gonna blog about this new friendship/relationship that seems to be blossoming between me and my classmate C. He's a chill dude. Born in Africa, moved to NY when he was 9. Got his stuff TOGETHER (or at least it seems anyway) So I'm helping him with his computer class and with the History homework and we're at his place. Now we've been study buddies for about 2 weeks now and I knew that -eventually- something sexual may happen.

I don't quite know how it started. I think it was just him being fresh (damn I love the abrasiveness of an up north guy) feeling on my chest. That was a turn-ON. Kisses and licks placed on my chest? Definite turn-ON. I felt him rubbing against my thigh. IT'S ON...or so I thought.

Dammit, I promised I took like 5 good sucks and with a soft caress to the underseam of his sack, he says
"Oh no. I'm bout to bust"
WHAT THE FUCK! That's fine. It's still kinda early, I'm willing to wait a couple of minutes for him to compose himself and then show me that he can hold his own. Except...he doesn't. No more foreplay, he just shows me pictures of when he was stationed in Japan. I'm FRUSTRATED! Y'all- it's been a while since I've had a good release and I just KNEW that I was gonna be good to go but nooooo.

Obviously he was embarassed but I would think that as a guy- with a healthy male ego- he would step it up. I mean, I really was having a good time and I was looking forward to him showcasing his skills. But instead it was like he was trying to forget it happened, changing his mind as fast as Beyonce changes clothes in a concert. Is it because he was a bit intimidated by my skills? Like kinda scared? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. But the icing on the cake was him calling me about 10 minutes after I left his house. I think it was because I told him my ex lived around the corner from him and he wanted to see if I was going over there. I probably SHOULD have! Lemme take a quick cold shower to calm my hot ass down! lol

Loves and Likes Ya