This Is Who We Look Up To In 2009? Really?

It's just a bit unsettling for me to see grown ass women emulating the style of Barbie. As a girl who grew up with a Barbie Dream House, Pool House, Corvette, Jeep, Minivan, and I can go on, I understand the fascination with Barbies. I understand- the bitch has everything and can do anything in stilettos. But so does Kimora Lee Simmons, who insisted on being enterprising instead of just a piece of arm candy for her wildly successful husband. Seriously, have you SEEN her CLOSET? I mean, I'm not tryna knock a chick's hustle because I got a couple of her songs on the Pod, must Nicki Minaj call herself a harajuku barbie? 

And what's with this fascination of Marilyn Monroe? I'm not quite understanding that either. Not when we have stars like Dorothy Dandridge- who had more obstacles to overcome than Marilyn and she was the 3rd African American to be nominated for an Academy Award. Or Lena Horne, Diahann Carroll, Billie Holiday, hell Eartha Kitt! We have so many beautiful, talented, glamorous black women we can look up to- why Marilyn? How about the role models of today? Why are these girls trying to be Nicki? That's what's wrong with these kids nowadays? Lemme stop- cuz I can go on about this- trust me!

Loves and Likes Ya

Everybody is Prejudiced?

It's true. I mean, I think I've always done a good job of hiding my prejudices, but working at the hotel reeeaaallly brings it out tenfold. So what brings this topic about? Well remember how I told you that we got robbed? Of course Yolanda doesn't feel comfortable working at night. I mean- the guy flashed a gun at her while the great room was filled with guests, so can you imagine how she would feel working alone while everyone is in their bed? She put up a brave front but the managers were acting like they didn't know why she felt nervous. Yea, they're real assjacks. So Trina is tellin her that she needs to milk the company as much as she can- paid time off and use this as an opportunity to get the day shifts she always wanted. Yolanda does all that and in the middle of negotiations about her day shifts, Trina and Darlene talk. Basically Darlene was talkin out the side of her neck (like always) and Trina had to set her straight (thats my girl!) and told her that if it would've happened to Mel or Leslie, than she wouldn't be reacting this way. Darlene says she's not prejudiced and Trina straight up told her- "Yes you are. Everyone is prejudiced"

 

That was deep. Everyone is prejudiced. Whether its sex, age, race, or social classes, everyone is prejudiced. We already have preconceived notions of other people in our minds and we're constantly encouraging people to prove those notions true. When a walk-in comes to my front desk, the first question I have to ask myself is: Do I think this person will uphold the reputation of this hotel? That question alone is prejudiced. In a world full of gummi bears and lollipops, anybody who walks through the that hotel door with money, should be able to get a room. In reality, if you look suspicious (let that be read as: young/black or pwt/don't enunciate your words/colorful clothes or raggedy clothes with an odor) you're liable to be told that we're sold out or the price will get jacked up by 75% (we're not taking any chances) At first, when they told me to do that, I was a bit flabbergasted. Now, I practice it almost every weekend. Yea I'm prejudiced, because if a cute guy comes up to the desk, he's gettin that room! lol

 

This list WILL offend someone. Sorry

 

THINGS I KNOW FROM WORKING AT A HOTEL

this stuff is true like 62% of the time!

 

• Old people and Middle Eastern Indians WILL haggle you about the prices. This is a give in. Old people will ask for AAA on top of AARP on top of Military. Indians will ask about special rates for Priority Club, or any other affialition.
• Black people WILL ask for a "hook-up" They see a sista girl behind the desk and they want to pretend like we play cousins so they can use my discount? For Real? And will YOU be making my car payments, insurance, and cell phone bills? Didn't think so. You ain't THAT damn cute.
• Middle aged white people are bothersome. This is a broad generalization that works for me 50% of the time. Oh they whine. They whine so much that I have to check my name tag to make sure it doesn't say babysitter!
• White people don't listen! They don't. It's like talking to a brick wall. And if they pretend to listen, which is a courtesy they offer occasionally, they're thinking how to prove you wrong. You can't tell me that I'm not telling you the truth! ALL 4 out of the 5 white people I work with do this on the daily.
• Young people WILL party. No matter what they tell you. Some people will come to the room and bottles (and kitties) will be popped. I don't care all that much- as long as they pass the bottle! :p

There's more but I can't quite think of it now. What are you're prejudices?

Loves and Likes Ya

Things That Are Greater Than (or equal to) Good Sex

I know my posts have been a bit....drab, so let's have some fun! I was chatting to the sis during a commercial break of Gossip Girl (because talking during Gossip Girl is FORBIDDEN. I have properly trained all friends and family- including the dog- to not disturb me during the show) I got an electric blanket that is pure HEAVEN. I told her that having that blanket is almost better than sex. She laughed. So here we go:

THINGS THAT ARE GREATER THAN OR EQUAL TO=> GOOD SEX

My Electric Blanket: Nice and Toasty

Pralines & Cream Ice Cream from Baskin Robbins: YUMMY

A Steamy Book Written By Risque, Mary B Morrison, and/or Zane: They go into such detail that you feel like it's you she's writing about. And as a bonus- they're really creative so it definitely gives you some ideas

Finding Good Deals on Clothes and/or Shoes: 'Nuff said

Good Food: The Flying Biscuit or Steele Creek Cafe has some good, homemade comfort food.

I'll probably be using these things more than I care to. I have a lot of things I need to do and I can't afford any distractions like a nice hard body with a talented tongue and an extra stiff *ahem* What are some things that you believe are greater than or equal to good sex?

Loves and Likes Ya!

Mommy Dearest, I Am Pouring My Heart Out 2 U

Love my mama, always have, always will. But at times- I really can't stand that heffa. Lemme try to explain our relationship- without the sad violins, lol.  This is a VERY long post, seeing as I have a lot of things to get off my chest. Sorry, but until I find out if my benefits will cover therapy, you're just gonna have to ride it out with me.

Living with her for those 8 years, was the most unstable period of my life. We were constantly moving around, I was subjected to her JACKASS boyfriends (who, 95% of the time, were married or already had a main chick) but I never really said anything. I lived in my own little world with my barbies and books and hanging out with Tony. If it wasn't for Aunt Toni and Tony, I seriously don't know WHAT my childhood would've been like. It seemed like my mom was hell-bent on drinking and partying even though she had me and my younger sister Che', who has Down's Syndrome. When she realized that having both me and my sister was cutting down on her partying, she shipped me off to my father in Atlanta when I was 7.

I truly felt like an only child there. I mean, up north I was SURROUNDED by family! Everybody who saw me knew that I was "Lil MikeMike" and knew what the deal was if they tried to mess mith me or my family. In Georgia- it was just me, my dad, and his eternal fiancee Cookie. Cookie had a big family so I got to do things with them, but most of the time I was tagging along with my dad and Cookie. In and out of studios. If your parents got divorced when you were young, you know how it is. You long for the parent that you're not with. And that's what I did, spent time thinking about how different my life was. During the summer I went to visit my mom, but she had a plan of her own. I remembered thinking that something wasn't right. I wound up doing 3rd grade in Easton when I should've been back in Atlanta. I didn't realize that, technically, she kidnapped me. That would explain why in the middle of 3rd grade we moved to Virginia with my cousin. Eventually I got back to Atlanta, and after that incident I only went to Easton if Aunt Toni handled the arrangements.

But even after all that craziness, I still missed my momma and I wanted to be with her. She would disappear out of my life for months at a time, call and apologize, and promise me it will get better. And then disappear on me again. She had me TWISTED y'all. She will tell me all these things, things she wanted but she couldn't do, but had me believing every one of her exaggerated stories. I seriously thought that she would just swoop on in and get me again. Time and time and time again she just let me down. I got used to it and kept on trucking, thinking that I didn't really have any family on my side and I was just being. (I'm sorry, there goes those damn violins! Lemme get them to stop)

After high school, I decided to try and repair my relationship with my mom and go live with her, taking some classes at a community college. That was a RUDE awakening. She had me thinking that she lived in an apartment with a roomate. In all actuality, she was living in a shelter (a really nice one owned by nuns) with 2 other roomates and their kids. It was set up like a dorm. There were 3 rooms (each room had a small bathroom and 2 beds) 1 full bathroom, 1 computer/play room, a big living room/ dining room/ kitchen area. The nuns had curfews and rules and chile, it was a mess! I stayed there for a hot lil minute but I had to call Aunt Toni and tell her to come get me  (my mom doesn't have a license nor a car) . She told me I can house sit while her and her kids went on a cruise. While they did that, I happened upon a job opportunity. I continued staying with Aunt Toni once they came back, and I successfully ignored my mom's phone calls while trying to figure out the mess I got myself into. That all changed one morning when my mom stopped by Aunt Toni's one morning with Che'. She asked if I could watch my sister because she's being arrested on forgery charges and violating her probation. Yes, my mom went to prison y'all. I think it was only for a year though. I was too through! I felt sooo embarassed and didn't want to call my dad just so he can say "I told you so" But with my tail between my legs and my equilibrium thrown completely off, I went back. I didn't speak to my mother for like 2 years.

I just accepted her for what she is *rolling my eyes and shaking my head* a drama queen. So before I go up there, I always call Aunt Toni so she can tell me what's REALLY going on. Bless her heart, she want things to be picture perfect and she spends her time trying to portray herself as something she is not. I just get so tired of her lying to me. I went up there for Thanksgiving to spend time with her and Che'. Instead I had to deal with more lies and her manchild hubby. I got a chance to tell her how I felt about some of her decisions, but I know it's no good. She needs to change her mentality and be more receptive to other people's opinions. Whatever child. Let's just say that this therapy session is over. I got a damn headache now.

Loves and Likes Ya

4th Quarter: Final Stretch

Don't worry, I didn't forget about you guys! Between working non-stop and working on my paper, I didn't have much time to go into details. So here we go:

The day after Thanksgiving, we stayed in our jammies and headscarves, and acted like lazy cows. It gave Uncle Sherman the perfect opportunity to show off his 'man room' with the reclining leather chairs, flat screen hi-def tv, and surround sound speakers. We started off watching a Lifetime movie (which is usually forbidden in the 'man room') and to make up for the chick flick, we then watched Taking Pelham 123 (which was a GREAT movie) and Blood and Bone (another good movie with a YUMMY star)

Saturday was more productive. We went shopping and later that night Tony picked me up so I can go to the bar with him and his friends. Yea- ya girl got twisted. Tony is versatile like me- we can hang out with white or black people and have a good time. That night we went to a hole in a wall- pizza place in the front- sports bar in the back- place where I can count on one hand how many black people were in the severly packed building. Okay, I'm exaggerating. It was 6 black people. Not lying. They had a live band playing music that puts you in mind of those famous teen movies of the 90's. You know, kinda like pop/soft rock. I bought my normal bar drink- Malibu Sea Breeze (orange juice, cranberry, and Malibu rum) and in case you were wondering- my club drink is Sex on the Beach and my restaurant drink is Margarita or a Daiquiri.

So as I was sitting on a stool and sipping my 2nd drink, I couldn't help but to think about that Katt Williams Sketch.



Yea- I do have the most random thought pattern. So I befriended some people and my cousin, being the ultimate cock blocker he is, was watching my moves. Even while he was twisted off those Bud Lights. I was chatting with a guy by the bar while I was paying for my tab and I placed my hand on his back. Next thing I know, while my back was turned, Tony is approaching this guy and saying something to him. IDK chile. Tony is one year younger than me but he always act like he's my older brother. Even when I used to come to Easton for the summer during my high school years. I had to hang out with my cousin Lynette because Tony didn't want me hanging with his friends and if I was able to hang out with them, his friends wouldn't look twice at me (except for Twan *flutters eyelashes*) Later he told me that was because he told his friends off the gate to not even try it with me. Alas, I digress. He will NEVER change.

I wound up going back to Dover with my Grandma so she can take me to the train station the next day. So Monday morning she wakes me up at 7 in da morning so we can walk a couple of laps around her neighborhood. She may be my grandmother but that didn't stop me from looking at her like she was crazy and whining about not getting my beauty sleep. She told me to get my lazy ass up and put on something warm. So after putting on my sweats, shirt, hoodie, and accessorizing with a hat and eye boogers, we did 2 laps around the neighborhood and one lap around the lake. The final lap we made a detour to the Wawa. I HEART WAWA. Oh, how I love Wawa. I got a yummy breakfast sandwich and some butterscotch krimpets for the train ride.

My trip back home was filled with a lot of emotions. I didn't even tell you guys what happened between me and my mother. That's another post all in itself. But I'm glad to be back.

Loves and Likes Ya!

Maaaaan! We Got ROBBED!

Yes, I'm okay! It happened before I came in for my shift. What freaks me out is, if it wasn't for me taking that vacation- it WOULD HAVE been me! I work every Thursday, either 3-11 or 4-12, and it happened around 8ish. Because I took off last week- I've had to do night audit last night and tonight in addition to doing it on the weekend so that saved me.

Apparently it was some dude, came a little bit after our Sundowner reception when the great room was still busy. He came in, with a gun, and asked for the money in the drawer. Unfortunately the new girl was at the desk, along with Carmen- who just got finished working the sundowner- so she had to go through the ordeal. She seemed to be okay when I got in, hopefully she'll come back!

Whoo Chile!

3rd Quarter: Eating Thanksgiving Dinner in Easton

Easton is a very small city in the Eastern Shore part of Maryland. I have a LOT of family there. So much that we (my cousins and I) have to compare family trees whenever we consider going out with somebody. Dead up- I've heard stories. I guess that's why my 17 yr old cousin only dates white girls but even that is suspect since my great-uncle is mixed.

Thanksgiving dinner was at my fave aunt's house- Aunt Toni. It was full of the Good, Bad, and Ugly.

THE GOOD:

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  Micheal's Sweet Potato Pie.
  
  
  
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  Aunt Toni's Mac N Chees and Stuffing.
  
  
  
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  My Mom's Deviled Eggs.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Me Making Amaretto Sours.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Everybody Pairing Up to Play Spades. (Me & Mom, Sherman & Lamont, Tony & DJ, Toni & Marcus)
  
  
  

THE BAD:

• 
  
  My Mom's Stupid Ass, Lazy Ass, Lame Ass New Husband (feelin the love, hunh?) Lamont
  
  
  
• 
  
  Ran Out Of Cocktail Mix- Had to Get Down and Mess With the Crown (The Official Liquor of Easton) *and i needed the liquor after dealing with lamont's dumb ass all damn day*
  
  
  
• 
  
  Lamont and the "Fake Wine" After my mom offers him a glass of wine, he asks if it's "real wine" The table got kind of quiet and Aunt Toni yells out- "What the fuck is fake wine?" and everybody starts to co-sign, saying "I was thinking the same thing!"
  
  
  

THE UGLY:

Miss Maggie. She was ugly with her attitude AND her tiger print outfit (but I'm sure she thought she looked GRRReat! lol)

Uncle Sherman's Intestines. I was lookin around for Eddie Murphy cuz at one time it felt like I was an extra on The Nutty Professor. And his farts are like- clear the room/nigga WHAT DID YOU EAT kind of farts!

DJ Goin In HARD on Lamont After His 5 Min Rant on Playing Spades. That was funny as SHIT! It all started cuz Tony and DJ were accusing me and my mom of sandbagging (excuse me if my spade game fell off. I haven't played since the last time I was over here- 2 years ago) Then Lamont, with his mentally handicapped ass, starts talkin bout- hell, what WAS he saying? Anyway, DJ (who is my cousin Tony's brother on his dad's side) drunk off that wine, just stops and says "What the fuck are you talking about? Nigga is just running off at the mouth for no reason dawg. Seriously whatthefuck..." and he proceeds to go in on him. Tony and Toni are just laughing and I'm trying to be Lil Miss Manners by holding it in, but fail when DJ just continues to get in that azzzzz.

Me Goin In On Lamont. Yeah- you read right. I went in for a quick minute. After me and my mom's defeat, Tony and DJ are playing with Lamont and Sherman. I forget what bought on the subject, but Tony and DJ are messing with Lamont about what his plans were with my mom when they leave for the night. Then he just talks out the side of his neck by responding, "Oh I don't have to wait until we get home, we can go out to the car and..." I'M SORRY The SistaGurl power came out in full force! "Excuse YOU but that is my MOTHER you're talking about! How about showing some respect for your WIFE" The table got kinda quiet until Sherman damn near broke his knuckles slamming down the big joker. Was Lamont tryin to show off in front of everybody? Tony & DJ are 22, Lamont is 29, I'm 23, and Sherman is married, if he was really bout his- he wouldn't have felt a need to respond to some childish jokes. Was I wrong? He was wrong!

That pretty much sums up the dinner. You know, typing this up and reliving the memories, makes me more mad at my mom. Her choices in men has always sucked ass and this one- he's shaping up to be a real prize! We're gonna have to have that talk- daughter to mother- and I'm doing it today, because this madness has to stop. I've been really supportive to her and very respectful, but now I'm just sick of biting my damn tongue all the time. I've always had a love/hate relationship with my mom, and now....man, I don't know. She's my mom and I'll always love her. Whateva. I'll tell y'all how it goes later.

Loves and Likes Ya

2nd Quarter: Down in Dover and Never Forgetting New Jersey

My Grandma is a BUSY BODY! Everyone who knows my Grandma will tell you the same thing. Love her DEARLY though. So her and her boyfriend (naw, it's not like that! She's been with homeboy for a couple of years. The only reason why she doesn't marry him is because "the nigga is broke and how do I look losing all my military benefits if it doesn't work out? I just pray for God to look upon us as a married couple" Gotta love her right?) meets me at the train station, and she's talking a mile-a-minute. If I were to type up the dialogue, it would consist of question marks (in which I would respond with a simple yes or no) and commas (for the run on sentences) That was fine though because I already knew what to expect and she was excited to get me up there by myself. So we chatted it up that night and I got settled in for the night because a sista gurl was tired. Hell, I was up at 6:30! Everybody knows that I don't get up before damn 10:00. That being said I was looking forward to sleeping in.

Haha. My Grandma always talk about how her boyfriend (Pop Bill we call him) hums all the time for no particular reason. I believe her exact words were "the nigga hums and I would understand if it was a tune but he does it all the time. Even when he EATS! What kind of INSANE person HUMS while they EAT?" I've heard him hum before- really thought nothing of it. But DAMMIT- when you're tryin to get that last lil bit of sleep (you know when you turn over for that last time) and all you hear is "HMM HMMMMM HM HMMM HMMMMM HM" it's kinda hard to go back to sleep- even if it is only 8 in the damn morning. So I thought- aww hell, I can't go back to sleep now. Might as well start this day. We- Grandma and I- have a very ambitious schedule ahead of us. First off, we'll be doing what we do best- shopping- then heading up to Jersey to visit my Mommy Jean and Aunt Ruth. Afterwards going to the casino to do some gambling. So I get a CUUUUUTE coat from Old Navy- gorgeous I tell ya and I have the perfect brown boots to wear with it- and a couple of shirts from different stores and the next book in my Stephanie Plum series so I can have something to read on the train back.

Now we're on the way to Jersey. From Dover, De to Willingboro,NJ- it's about an hour and a half. Riding in the car with Grandma, I can see where I get SOME of my driving habits. But one thing I don't do is push brakes on the highway- unless it's heavy traffic. Tell my why Grandma is whipping the new Honda Accord and won't let that baby coast? She looks down and she's like "Oh shit- I didn't know I was going that fast" and she hits the brakes a couple o' times to get the speed to the speed limit. If I was driving, it would've been a lil different. "Oh shit- I didn't know I was going that fast" *looks around to make sure coppers aren't around and continue to coast*  Before long we're in Willingboro, the city of my birth. *sighs* Lots of memories.... I moved from Willingboro to Columbus, GA when I was 4. Then from Columbus to Easton, MD  within a couple of months. Even though I moved from Willingboro at a young age- I remembered a lot of the landmarks and houses from visits at an older age. The last time I was there was probably when I was about 11? And i'm 23 now? Yeah. I remembered it being mostly suburban but now it looks kinda run down. Not like 'projects rundown' but a couple of vacant stores and lots, and some shops goin out of business.

But anywho, Mommy Jean is my grandmother on my mom's side and she still lives in the same house on Babcock Lane. She's a Jehovah Witness and has a very dry personality. We had lunch and watched Miss Congeniality (I don't care what you think- Sandra Bullock is my CHICK!) and talked about the family and before long it was time for me to go. I didn't get to see Aunt Ruth because she was working- bummer- but we went back to Dover to the casino and I won a whopping $27. Personally, I don't get gambling. I'm sorry but I can't see sitting there for hours- not even 30 minutes- putting money into machines and not getting a damn thing out of it. I want to SEE where my money is going. Hot fudge sundae, lipgloss, a fresh wash n set, manicure, clothes- I can see and other people can see where that money is going. My goodness.  But I had a good time nonetheless.  Next up on the 3rd Quarter iss Eating Thanksgiving Dinner in Easton

Loves and Likes Ya

First Quarter: Catching the Train outta Charlotte

I woke up late- like 45 mins late! It felt like the scene from Home Alone. You know the one- where homegirl wakes up and she's all like "WE OVERSLEPT!" and cue the fast music and people running around fast forwarded. Well that's how it was for me. I got there with like 15/20 minutes to spare but not early enough to get my 2 big ass, heavy ass bags checked on my train. Instead, they were put on the next train that wasn't scheduled to arrive until 7pm the next day *aargh* but I didn't care all that much. I was just glad to be on that train. Besides, having my bags delayed meant I get to go shopping! Not that I need a reason too, but anywhooo....

The person who was sitting next to was cool. She was a middle aged woman heading to Philly and had to work once she got off the train. BUMMER. I got cozied in with my book (Dirty Red by Vickie Stringer. VEEEERY good read btw) my water and my iPod and I was good to go. Somewhere, I think it was Concord, we picked up some people who sat in front of us. An old white couple. This dude just lets his seat back without checking with anyone, and crushes homegirl's kneecaps! She's all Philly like-right?- so she bassed up on him like "You gonna have to let this seat up, I have arthritis in my knees." then she looks at me like "You believe this honkey?" I gave her a look back "Well, YOU know..."  With me sitting on the aisle, and her having to get up for smoke breaks and to walk out her joints, we traded seats. Because we all know that I'm a lazy ass and I don't have to get up to walk nor work NOTHING out!

I finish the rest of Dirty Red and starts on the sequel, Still Dirty (another veeeery good book!) and decided I should eat lunch. I munched on my Jersey Mike's Sub and Cheddar flavored Pringles and afterwards I opened the computer up and decided to play a couple of games since I couldn't get on the internet (duh, right?) Well ol'buddy, I guess, notices that we switched seats. He lets his seat back ALL ON MY LAPTOP! WTF?? I try to get his attention and tap on his shoulder but he's acting like he ain't heard or felt nothing. I should've bassed up on him like homegirl but noooo, I had to use manners. I finally get his attention and he lets the seat back up (sonovabitch) and I play all the downloaded games on the PC. I watch Katt Williams The Pimp Chronicles. I finish reading Still Dirty (I KNOW the author is working on the 3rd one- the way how the book ended...) I snack on a lemon pie and drink another bottle of water. I listen to the Pod and watched some videos on there. I am BORED. Outta my mind. Darryl is cracking up because he's sending me texts and all my responses are filled with CAPITALIZED LETTERS and !!!!!!!!.  and all his responses are LOL and LMAO. Tried to go to sleep, because I'm like the knockout queen, but I coudn't on that damn train. The most I slept was like 20 mins tops. Yeah. I got there though and got to see my grandma's smiling face. Feels like home already....

Stay in tune for the 2nd quarter: Down in Dover and Never Forgetting New Jersey

Loves and Likes Ya

Im Ret Ta Go! *said in my best Wanda voice*

Just enjoying spending some quality time with my sister before I leave to visit the fam. We went out to eat, did some shopping (mostly window shopping, but don't feel sorry for us- we have our better days coming!) and got caught up with the latest juicyfruit (gossip/drama) in our lives. Everybody needs a bestie- lucky for me, my stepsister happens to be mine!

Oh yeah, she was straight clowning me because when we were listening to my iPod in my car- it went from Uncle Luke to Scissor Sisters to Eminem to Trey Songz to Aly & AJ. Do you think that accounts for the reason why I have multiple personalities?

Loves and Likes Ya!

On My Ghetto Dr. Phil Sh*t!

You know what? This industry got us women all twisted. Through images on screens and paper- they're basically saying that you're only pretty if you're fair skinned with long hair and a lean frame. God made us all different- like it was quoted on one my fave scenes in my fave movie "Norbit" Oh you don't know what part I'm talking about? Lucky for you- I can quote it word from word:

Kate: Well, I believe that God made us all different

Rasputia: Unh-unh, I am a Christian, and I'm not finna sit here and let you blame it on God. He didn't push that plate away- YOU DID!

LMAO! I can't help it- that was a funny movie! Anywho, what bought this on is my coworker Carmen. She has low self esteem issues because she used to weigh 98 pounds and now- well let's just say she's not 98 pounds anymore. And she says she doesn't let her boyfriend see her naked. What? And they've been together for HOW LONG? Like at least 2 years I believe. And you mean to tell me that she doesn't let him preview the goods? Get outta here. It's true!

Of course I tried to talk some sense into her. If her boyfriend has been together for this long than obviously he loves her for everything she is. That includes love handles and all. Guys don't like an insecure woman, and if they do- then those guys are the kind you need to run away from. I try telling her all this but she isn't listening. She's so ashamed of her body that she admits that they don't have sex often. I just shook my head and told her that what she's doing is a big no-no.

 Times are hard for a girl. Whatever YOU won't do- another bitch will. So basically you're sending your boyfriend into the jungle with a pack of hamburger meat strapped on his back everytime y'all don't have sex. I'm not saying that sex is important- but it is a way that couples communicate and communication is key in a relationship. If you're nervous about getting naked in front of your man, why not try wearing a nice see-through lace nightie? Hell, I got one at Ross for like 9 bucks. Take a nice bubble bath, shave, massage some good smelling lotion into your skin,slip on the lace nightie, and see if you don't feel sexy. You'll feel sexy and he'll pick up on those vibes you're giving out, guaranteeing y'all a good time.

I told it to her just like that and I think she might try it. It's hard to say for certain though. Why am I always giving girls this kind of advice? A couple of weeks ago I was talking some shit with Shay, Trina, and another coworker Netta. She's the same coworker who dissed Shay for a booty call. We were talking about sex. How Trina is married and practically running away from her husband so he won't climb all over her. And how I was needing just one good night with someone and Shay high-fived that one. We were talking about going to the adult toy superstore for some goodies and Netta had the nerve to wrinkle up her face. Say what? She wrinkled her face! And looked at us like we were crazy! I had to say something.

Why you lookin like that? Ain't nothin wrong with getting a couple of stuff to spice things up.

She just shook her head.This chick has been with her significant other for, I think, 6 years. Don't things get boring? By the time 6 years roll around- haven't you seen the bottom of the bag of tricks and washed it out twice? C'mon now, let's keep it real, because that face she made may be one of the reasons why she cheats on her hubby on the REGULAR. Ladies can't leave it up to the guys all the time. We gotta show up and show out to prove our point. Now here she is cheatin on her booski when all it would take is a couple of trips to the toy store, and a very creative imagination, to make her feel like it's the first time again...and again and again and again! lol.  Oh Trina, Shay and I were telling her about different toys she should try out and how helpful the people are who run the store. The whole time she's shaking her head in disbelief. That's ok though, we're draggin her ass to the store. Is it time to make a shopping list?

TOYS TO SPICE THINGS UP:

• FUZZY HANDCUFFS- Soft so it won't irritate the wrists and/or ankles
• WHIPS- There's the kind with the multiple strands (for the couples really into S&M) or the kind with a small piece of leather at the end (a riding crop for the playful couple) I'm heavy handed so I'll get the riding crop
• EDIBLE CREAMS/JELLIES/PAINTS- You can play tongue hopscotch on your partner's body! How fun
• THINGS TO INCREASE SENSITIVITY AND PLEASURE- We're talking about condoms with ridges, bumps, and grooves. Creams that make you cream. Toys you can slide on the "love stick" or a finger and it can take you to paradise. Hey- my teachers always told me that I played well with others! lol

Loves and Likes Ya!

 

SMDH...You Thought I Was Playin? LOL

Just a quick note (I promise I'll blog you something proper later!)

Christine is one of the housekeepers at my job. She comes through Saturday night while Shay was about to leave and I was doing my night audit thing. She wants to make a reservation at one of our ritzy sister properties. Now if you live in Charlotte- the hotel is in Ballantyne- if you don't live in Charlotte- the hotel is in one of those kind of areas where people have their nose so high in the air that you can see their boogers. Now let me describe Christine to you: black chick young african-american female, loud as hell a bit boisterous, slow as hell a bit dense, and ghetto as hell a bit uncouth. She's trying to play slick when me and Shay start to tease her about getting the room, but like I stated before- she's slow- so she doesn't know how to slick talk. Instead she chooses to neither confirm or deny{let that be read as: she repeatedly says "you stupid" or "you silly" and gives a goofy ass laugh} We knew the game though. Hell, we all grown and we've done that plenty o' times before. Why else would you use your employee discount?

I talk to Trina today (she's the housekeeping manager) and she tells me that Ballantyne calls her and says that Christine (with her SLOW ass) left a blunt in the room. WTF? My nigga- is you serious? And I usually don't drop N-Bombs but like Sommore say- This is some NIGGA SHIT. The consequences for her actions...they should be...I'm just flabbergasted by the whole thing! It's wrong for a multitude of reasons.

Reasons Why Christine Is Stupid As Hell!

(and while I type this list I am muttering under my breath: This is a dumb bitch, this is a dumb bitch...)

1. Weed is illegal, so be smart and don't get caught. Why didn't she clean up after herself? Hell, the girl IS in housekeeping!
2. Ballantyne is a non-smoking hotel, so she shouldn't have had it there in the first place.
3. She was using her EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT! Is you SERIOUS? It's illegal boo-boo! Your ass shoulda been FIRED for some shit like that!
4. And since she used her employee discount, it can be construed as misconduct in the workplace and can hinder her from any future jobs. WTF? Maybe homeboy had a proper D*Game and she lost her damn mind even though there wasn't much there in the first place

These are the type of people I work with. You thought I was playing? Naw dawg, I'm dead up. Wait 'til I blog about my general manager- you won't believe me but I keep it 100%.

Loves and Likes Ya

Let The Church Say...

Just a quick post. I LOVE my church! I know, hard to believe that a heathen like me go to church on the regular. Anyway, ain't nothin like after cussin people out all week long at work, getting a fresh start on Sunday morning. For seriously though, usually it feels like Pastor is speaking right to me and the songs almost always bring a tear to my eye.

REASONS WHY I LOVE MY CHURCH

• The members are super friendly and real with theirs. None of the phony crap that goes on in most churches.
• No "Funky Fresh Hat Club". The dress code is relaxed, meaning you can pretty much come as you are and no one is judging you. The pastor is known to rock some denims with a nice pinstripe shirt and a blazer on occasion. Gotta love it..
• No pews, no choir. Instead we have tables and a band, making you feel closer to your church family.
• They don't have you in church all day. I'm in by 9 and out by 10:20 (that's if I don't socialize after)

Did I say that I love my church?

Loves and Likes Ya!

I Cried, I Laughed, I Cried Some More

Everybody in my circle of friends knows that I am an avid reader. Now I must admit that the kind of books I read aren't the type that college classes like to interpret and base papers on. They are the juicy books filled with gossip, scandal, and the occasional murder that have you reading them in a corner and giggling to yourself, I know, welcome to my world! lol.

So anywhooo, after a work week filled with some serious overtime, I finally got a day off. You know how it is when you know you want to get out of the house? I didn't have anything planned. My sis/bestie was at school. My other bestie was working and I didn't feel like fooling around with any guys, so I grabbed my 'Pod, got in Jackie and I dipped out. Now I decided that I was a baby bit hungry (I promise this post has a point and I'm getting to it) and stopped at a local spot to get my grub on. I pulled out my current reading selection while the waitress was making her way to my table. When I tell you that she FLIPPED out when she saw my book- chile, she flipped OUT!

"OHMYGOD! When I tell you that that is my book, THAT IS MY BOOK! I took it with me EVERYWHERE. I would be reading it between waiting tables like, 'Yeah I'll get your refills after I finish up this page' "

"That's what I hear. This is actually my friend's copy. She bought it and was like 'Chelle, you REALLY need to read this book. It's really good."

"It is. I can't wait to see the movie. I mean, when I saw those previews and found out it was based on a book, I went to the store and bought it. I literally got the last copy at Wal-Mart. And when I went to get my mom a copy, it was sold out at Books-A-Million and Barnes and Noble."

"Oh, well I was just at the Books-A-Million at Concord Mills and they had a whole display up."

"Dang, I don't wanna go that far but I might have to! Well let me let you get back to the book."

And so I sipped on my peach tea and read a chapter while waiting on my tuna melt and fries. When she came back with my food, she actually sat down across from me and we started talking again. She was a black girl, maybe 23-27 years old and was very talkative. I hardly got to comment back on some of the things she was saying, but once she started telling me her story, I was just AMAZED.

"You just don't understand, I AM Precious. Like, I didn't know who my dad was but my mom was a crack addict and my uncle would come at night and molest me. I really started reading books because it felt like I was able to escape my reality that way. I have tons of books and my son is the same way. I'll be reading my book and he's right there beside me reading his. Like, he had the book upside down and he'll turn the pages and put it down. Then he'll look at me and say, 'Mom. Apple' and I'm like 'Really? That's deep' And he's only three but it's good to see him being that interested in books."

That's why I love reading. Black, white, brown, yellow, hot-pink polka-dotted, everyone can relate to a good book. I've had conversations with middle aged white ladies in Books-A-Million over books and authors and those were some great conversations. So do me a favor- read a book! I turned my sis into a reader. She may not be obssessed with books like me but she takes books from my library from time to time and read them. And we're talking about a girl who only read magazines, and when I say read I really mean look at the pictures. We can start you off with the book I'm reading: Push by Sapphire. Warning: it is written in dialogue- meaning that the author writes the story like how the main character talks. It's only 139 pages.

My Top 7 Favorite Authors:

1. 
   
   Carl Weber (He always know how to put a good plot twist in his stories)
   
   
   
2. 
   
   Mary B Morrison (She knows how to write some good scandal and sex scenes)
   
   
   
3. 
   
   E. Lynn Harris  (After reading his books, you'll give every man the side eye for 'suspicious behavior')
   
4. 
   
   Jackie Collins (Her books are always about the movers and shakers in Hollywood and usually they're at least 430 pages- no lie)
   
   
   
5. 
   
   Janet Evanovich (The Stephanie Plum Series. It's about this laid off lingerie buyer who decides to take a job at her cousin's bond agency as a bounty hunter. Some of the stuff that happens are outrageous and funny)
   
   
   
6. 
   
   Linda Howard (Good romantic suspense writer, and what I like about her is that she's really detailed.)
   
   
   
7. 
   
   Eric Jerome Dickey (I recommend the Gideon series to any guy. It's about this badass assassin and he's in all these exotic locations killing people and sexing down broads. LOVES IT!)
   

**I could've written some more authors but not enough time in the world. This list actually started off as my favorite 3 authors, then 5 and now 7! lol**

Loves and Likes Ya

When The D*Game Is PROPER

**First of all, let me warn you know that generalizations are gonna be made on this post. I can't help it- it's just the way I see it until someone proves otherwise!**

Women lose their damn minds! They do all kinds of things that they told their friends and family that they wouldn't do. They take all kinds of shit that has them "woo-sah" ing throughout the day.When the D*Game is proper, men can get away with murder- literally! If y'all don't know what I'm talking about when I say "D*Game" I'm talkin bout the dick game. I'm talkin bout a dude who knows how to lay down the pipe like he's chief engineer on a construction site.

When the D*Game isn't proper- guys can't control their girls. This is a fact. Chicks are quick to give ol' buddy the "nigga please" look when homeboy tries to give them something like an order. Example:

"Babe, lemme use your car real quick to pay my phone bill" Cloverton asks Chiquita while she is over his place. Chiquita stops looking at the TV, rotates her neck 90 degrees and scrunches her face up

"Excuse you? Since when do I let you use my car?" She answers back, folding her arms across her chest

Poor Cloverton might as well rename himself Keith Sweat with all the begging and pleading he has to do for the rest of the night. Now if his D*Game was proper-

"Where ya keys at?" CJ asks while looking around the kitchen counter. Chiquita stops looking at the TV, rotates her head 180 degrees, and scrunches her face up

"Why? Where are you going? When are you coming back?" She asks, folding her arms across her chest.

"Ima go pay my bill." CJ tells her. He finds the keys and walks over to the couch where Chiquita is standing. She looks into his bedroom eyes.

"Ok, bring me back a hot fudge sundae with extra hot fudge." She tells him with a little smile on her face

"Cool, you got some money?"

And you know what? Chiquita is gonna give him the money to buy her hot fudge sundae AND to pay his bill. Ain't that triflin'? Well most guys whose D*Game is proper is triflin. They're only good for that one thing. And you know what I've noticed about dudes who lack the proper D*Game? When they THINK they got it proper- they try to control you with it. And they do it in ways that aren't slick at all, once again inducing the "nigga please" look. Another fine example:

"Babe, you still coming to my nana's surprise party tomorrow?" Cloverton asks Chiquita

"I don't think so. Your momma be givin me the side eye all the time and your Uncle Joe be tryin to cop a feel on da low"

"Please babe, you know this is important to me." And poor Cloverton is begging once again

"I'm not really feelin it"

"I'd do that thing you like" Cloverton is tired of begging and is now threatening Chiquita with sex.

 Bad Choice Joyce! If the D*Game was proper- he wouldn't have had to say ANYTHING. Why? Because the thoughts would've already ran through Chiquita's head. Example:

"We goin to your Nana's surprise party tomorrow?" Chiquita asks CJ

"Naw, I thought you said you hate my momma lookin at you funny?"

"Well I know it's important to you and your family"

And we can stop the example right there because already you can notice the difference.

When the D*Game is proper- the girl spends her time chasing after the guy and making sure he isn't perfecting his stroke game with some other broads. She's wasting her time though because while she is working, he is too. Working on dicking down every Allison, Bonquisha, and Consuela. I can give example after example and give real life examples but...this is a hot topic. I'll blog about it some more at a later time. Until then, here's a little clip from Sommore talkin bout the D*Game being proper. Start it from the 2:30 mark.



Loves and Likes Ya

Me + The Road = A DANGEROUS Thing!

Growing up, I never really thought about driving and cars and all that. It was what it was, whateva. That all changed when I rode in the car for the first time with my stepmom. I never really seen road rage until that day and I think that was the day I became nervous about driving. I mean, I remember thinking to myself "If there are people this crazy on the road then I don't want to be on the other side." And so started my campaign against driving. Only it didn't last that long because, well let's face it, Atlanta- Charlotte is not- and public transportation in the area where we lived was practically nonexistent. Dad started teaching me and my sis the basics and I barely grasped those techniques. I hit the wrong pedal and pratically mowed down the silver fence. That pretty much describes my driving experience.

After a driver's ed course in high school and getting further tutorial when I was 19, I felt comfortable enough to drive. My first car was a silver 02 ford focus I named Trixie. Driving her off the lot was absolutely ORGASMIC and I fell in love for the first time. Too bad the love didn't last long. 6 long months and we got in our first accident. Slow ass minivan. The hood got scrunched up and I lost a hubcap. A couple of weeks later someone pulled a hit and run on us. A month after our 1 year anniversary, her aunt (my sister) total lossed our love. I was in mourning. I LOVED her! Wild cherry seat covers and all.

Now it's me and Jackie- my 05 white dodge stratus. My sister jokes that I can drive her better than Trixie and she may be right. Oh we talk shit on the road like we're perfect. Honestly we're from it. I can't back into a parking spot worth crap. Hell, I can barely pull into a parking spot! The other day I get off of work and there is a little note on my windshield with two simple words- PARK MUCH? I laughed my ass off. However I land is how I park. Everybody in my circle knows that. We don't ask Chelle to do fancy things like parallel park and switch lanes unexpectedly. We tell her about turns well ahead of time and don't put her on highways.

MY DRIVING GOALS FOR YEAR 2010:

• 
  
  BACK INTO A SPOT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK
  
  
  
• 
  
  LEARN HOW TO PARALLEL PARK
  
  
  
• 
  
  TAKE A ROAD TRIP TO MD/DE
  
  
  

It's a short list of goals because I'm not that ambitious! lol

LOVES AND LIKES YA!

What Does It Take To Get Fired From My Job?

Not that I am trying to get fired, I mean we do have a GREAT benefits package, but when I look at some of these shenanigans that my co-workers pull- it does make me wonder. I have worked here for almost 3 years (it's slightly depressing for me so we won't talk about it) and I've only seen 3 people get fired. Kenyatta was begging a guest for money and fighting with employees.Nevermind that the guest was flashing money like it was going out of style and constantly seeking "companionship" from us employees at the hotel. He let it be known that she owed him $300 and was asking for more. Of course there is probably more to the story but I will never know. Bernard tried to play Ms Boss Lady like the Sam Sausagehead she is.  His commonlaw wife was a housekeeper at the hotel while he did maintenance. She passed and he still had bills to pay so he continued "working" here. He would call the 1st shift and say "I'm on my way, go on head and clock me in" and call later that night to the 2nd shift and say "I forgot to clock out, can you do that for me?" Meanwhile, the maintanence slips were building up and everyone was looking for him! Lauren was mentally and verbally abusing guests from our best companies. She always had to be right. It's hard to admit defeat when some of our guests are condescending and conceited crybabies and all you want to do is rub their noses in their mistakes, but at the same time- we are a service industry, so that means you grin and bear it and get drunk after your shift.

Now it seems as if people don't care anymore. It starts with the managers. The general manager is in LaLa Land 70% and gone the other 30%. The ops manager is on Facebook, Match.com, Myspace, and Squirt. And if he's not doing that, he's shopping. Using the company card to buy whatever he can (real talk- I've seen the receipts) So the employees can just FEEL the ENERGY the managers are emitting, causing them to do whateva the hell they think they can get away with. I know I have made my share of mistakes but dangnabbit- I don't think it's fair for everyone else to do their extreme shit and get away with it! Now Leah, just as sweet as nana's peach cobbler and that is a problem. I'm suprised that she hasn't given away the place yet! No, seriously. Within one month she has checked in 2 hookers, a drug dealer, overbooked room types and seriously undersold us, causing us to lose money. The housekeepers are wildin out, half assing rooms and making us look bad so when the customer surveys come in- we fail them. It's the same problems over and over and over again and yet- it keeps happening. When is management going to kick some ass out here? I mean, I shouldn't care if they don't, right? But I still have pride in my job and myself and I feel bad when I don't perform as well as I know I can. Really the place ain't that bad, it's not like some run down crack spot. It's in a decent part of town and most of our clientele consist of business travelers and extended stay guests. It's nice enough for people to "oooh" when they come through the door. Hey, I know, let's do a list!

5 Ways To Get Fired From My Job

1. 
   
   KEEP IT 100% AND TELL THEM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL!  "You want me to wipe your ass for you as well since obviously you don't know how to do anything for yourself?" Yeah, I'll start doing inventory once you stop updating your Facebook status and get off your lazy ASS and do something?"
   
   
   
2. 
   
   SKIM A LITTLE BIT OFF THE TOP- you need gas money, don't you?
   
   
   
3. 
   
   THREATEN TO CALL HR ON THE MANAGER- after complaining about the schedule conflicts to the ops manager and the general manager, I got no response. What did this lil negro girl do? In a very risky move, I sent an email to the general manager's boss and that got her ass hoppin. If I try to do that again I'm sure the next move would be the unemployment line.
   
   
   
4. 
   
   THROW SOME PARTIES AT THE HOTEL- charge people a cover fee cuz you'll need that money when you get fired!lol
   
   
   
5. 
   
   START SOME DRAMA- and I'm not talking about no Hannah Montana/my mom is dating my teacher kind of drama. Remember that scene at the dinner table in the movie Why Did I Get Married? Go all out like that! Put all that backbiting shit people say and put it in front of their FACE! Watch the Meow Mix FLY!
   
   
   

**and for those who don't know what I'm talking about with #5- here goes the clip

Why Black Women Can't Be Friends

It seems to be a hot topic. One of my favorite blogs has a post about it. Micheal Baisden held a show about it. So where is the love? Why can't most black women be friends? Now me, I have a very magnetic personality. People just fall in love with me after meeting me for the first time (ok, maybe the 2nd or 3rd time) add my sometimes 'too cute too be true' naivete and I have plenty of girls that wouldn't mind calling me up so we can socialize.

Often times I find myself on the listening end of people's problems, and even though an official research haven't been conducted, I have composed a short list of reasons why black women can't be friends. WARNING: THIS LIST MAY BE A BIT STEREOTYPICAL

JEALOUSY

    And honestly I could just stop there, because that's where the problem pretty much starts. I work at a place where out of 22 employees, 13 are black women. We're going to use my bestie/coworker, Shay, for this example. She started as a housekeeper, moved up to room inspector, and finally made her way to the front desk. Her boyfriend makes his money, maybe not in a taxable manner, but nonetheless baby girl was pushin a BMW, wearing all the COOGI/Forces/Jordans she can buy, and keeping her nails and hair DID. The same heffas that were riding backseat in the beemer and taking advantage of her hookups, were the same ones rolling their eyes and talking mad shit about her. Just thinking about it now has me a bit misty-eyed. We are talking about a girl who would just about give you the shirt off of her back and the same people she calls her 'friends' continue to do her dirty. Why? I think- and you can just call me the ghetto Dr. Phil- that the reason they put her down is because they want to be her. They envy the way she's living her life and they want in. First they start by hanging out with her, observing her habits and try to put them into play but it don't work like that. Friendships created out of jealousy can't properly manifest into a healthy union.

MEN

   It's sad that I even have to put that as a reason but hey- what can ya do about it? MEN are a problem because a Friendgirl A wants Friendgirl B's man. Or because Friendgirl B slept with Friendgirl A's man. Or because Friendgirl A and Friendgirl B LIKE the same man but he only likes one of them. Or better yet, Friendgirl A's cousin sexed Friendgirl B's man on the low and Friendgirl B found out from Friendgirl C, causing Friendgirl B to get mad at Friendgirl A for not telling her in the first place. Confused? So are they, that's why they're not friends anymore. Ok, now this example is a good one, poor Shay can't catch a break! One of the girls we hang tight with (went on our Thelma and Louise Vacay with) did something dead wrong. Shay's brother recently died and they had a candlelight service and a funeral. Tell me why homegirl didn't go to nan one of them because she was busy getting dicked down in another state? I'm sorry, maybe you're not understanding the full situation. She's already married and she scheduled a booty call in a city 2.5 hrs away before everything happened with Shay's brother. Now a good friend would postpone the booty call and give support to her grieving girl. She went on the call ANYWAY, came back the night of the funeral, and she took her black ass home. Didn't stop by the house to pay her respects or nothing. DEAD WRONG

END OF LIST

I told you it was going to be short! Lol. A guest passed by and happened to read some of the post. He didn't know it was that serious. Sad to say that it is. When we should be uplifting one another, we're steady trying to knock one another off of our 'pedestals' What is that all about? So what do you think? Did I leave a reason out?

Here is what I want you to do, men and women, for everything negative you say or think about a person- point out something positive about them. And if you can't think of anything positive- then dangnabbit- keep your mouth closed and think about the next pair of shoes you want to buy!

Loves and Like Ya!

First Order Of Business...

It's my first post and I'm at a lost for words. The expectations are kinda high here. I have to write something witty and charming and ...aw hell, let me keep it real. Because I'm sure only 2.5 people will actually read this blog and I don't have to worry about impressing nan one of those people. So until something happens, I'll holla at ya'll later

Loves and Likes YA!